Yankees Caught Cheating Again, Forced to Forfeit All 27 World Titles
NEW YORK CITY, New York –
In a powering win over the Boston Red Sox last night, the big news of the game wasn’t the score, so much as the scandal caused by pitcher Michael Pineda. Last week during another crushing victory over Boston, it was speculated that Pineda had pine tar hidden on the back of his hand. It was not made immediately aware to the coaching staff of the Sox, so when it was finally questioned, the alleged tar had been removed. Pineda claimed it was dirt and that he was “sweating a lot” and needed it to dry his hands.
Pictures surfaced immediately all over the web following that game, with the general consensus being that it was not really dirt, but pine sap or tar. Suspicions of cheating were confirmed during Wednesday night’s game when it was found that Pineda had blatantly put a dab of pine tar on his neck. In light of this, the Major League Baseball commission has decided to strip the Yankees of all their world titles.
“It is with a heavy heart that I announce to the baseball community that the New York Yankees have been stripped of all their world titles.” Said Bud Selig, commissioner for Major League Baseball. “A team that has been consistently cheating this season has no doubt been cheating over the last century of playing. Therefore, we in the MLB have decided that they are undeserving of any championships.”
Selig continued by saying that all current players would be allowed to continue playing this season, but even if they make it to the World Series, they would lose automatically by default.
“In the unlikely event that the Yankees actually hold onto this winning streak and beat the Red Sox by the end of the season to make it to the Series, they will automatically lose regardless of ability. They will be allowed to win next season, assuming they lay of the tar.”
Seilg also has requested that all past players and staff for New York return their World Series rings, claiming them as property of Major League Baseball.
“I’m aware that players use steroids to increase their abilities, and that is one thing.” Said Selig. “No one wants to see some dumpy old men hit a line drive up the middle or strike out swinging. Everyone wants home runs and grand slams. We need steroids for that. But what we don’t need, what we absolutely cannot tolerate, is scuffing the balls with tar. It’s outlawed for a reason.”
There is rumor that not only will Pineda be fined for his indiscretions, but there is a possibility of him being fully banned from baseball. No word at this time what the final outcome will be.