LAS VEGAS, Nevada –
The UFC, the largest mixed martial arts promotion in the world, announced on Sunday that they were going to be starting an off-shoot of their main UFC bouts wherein all the fighters would compete nude.
“Since its inception, the UFC has always been a “man’s-man” kind of sport. Violent, bloody, and definitely not bringing in the female viewers.” Said Dana White, president of the Ultimate Fighting Championship promotion. “We know that women are normally turned off by violence, but we also know that what women are turned on by is naked men with six-pack abs grabbing and touching each other, rolling around on the ground, and that’s where the idea for our new spin-off league comes from.”
The new all-nude fights will not be part of the regular rotation of fights currently happening in the UFC, but they will feature all the same fighters competing. The fights will all be held under the banner of the UNFC, or the Ultimate Nude Fighting Championship, because if nothing else, the UFC is completely uncreative. All the fighters will have to compete at least once every six months in this new league if they want to maintain their current contracts with the UFC.
“We have decided, too, that the fighters will not be paid any extra for their time fighting in the UFNC. We pay them enough now, with most of our top guys earning millions of dollars, that this is just something we’re going to edit into their contracts to force them to do. The take-home purse will still vary depending on the matches. In the end, it’s all for the good of the sport.” Said White.
So far, most fighters who have been made aware of the new spin-off fights are all for it.
“It’s been my dream to fight naked!” said Benson Henderson, former UFC Lightweight champion, and current #2 ranked lightweight fighter in the world. “You get into the ring, and you’re dancing all around, looking for the perfect opportunity to smash the other guy in the face…the only thing that could make that more freeing would be if I didn’t have to deal with those pesky shorts!”
Male fans of the UFC took to Twitter and Facebook after the announcement, and were not happy with the idea of their favorite badass fighters having to fight nude.
“This sh*t is retarded. They making Cerrone fight with his d*ck out now #UFCWTF” said Twitter user @BigFahkinCack, referencing fighter Donald Cerrone, another lightweight contender in the UFC.
Not all social media posts were bad, with an astounding portion of female sports fans (naturally) all for the idea. Twitter user @SuperWetNHorny said “It’s about time they took the rest of the clothes off those UFX (sic) fighters. #BowChickaWowWow”
“We knew as soon as we announced these massive changes that we were going to be dealing with a social media firestorm from our regular male viewers,” said White. “but we also know that in the end, the men will still have their fights, and now the women can have theirs – and never the two shall meet.”
So far there has been no announcement to any card lineup for upcoming fights, although the UFC did announce that the first official UFNC pay-per-view would be held in May. No word currently on whether UFC will eventually spin their women’s MMA division intonude fights, but men everywhere are holding their breath in anticipation.