Tag Archives: union

Unionized Northwestern Football Players File 1st Grievance


When news broke last week that the National Labor Relations Board of Chicago ruled that the Northwestern football team could unionize, everyone knew the shock waves would be felt immediately. When a ruling comes down that threatens the beast that is the NCAA, things are going to get rocky. All the connected schools that profit from the current system and their corporate partners were put on notice that things are going to change going forward. This ruling gives Northwestern players the power to negotiate as a group, which scares the hell out of the powers that be. It also opens the gates for more teams to do the same thing that the Wildcats have done.

One of the powers granted to a union is to file grievances in order to get something they desire as a group, in this case as a team. Everyone knows that eventually they are going to file a grievance to get a salary but that is a long process. So they are starting with smaller grievances, and their first issue they want addressed is the halftime during games. In true union fashion, they need a longer break. They feel like they need a full 90 minute rest between the first and second half. To quote one Wildcat tight end, “I like taking naps whenever possible and 90 minutes would be just right for a power nap. I see city workers taking two hour breaks all over town and they are in a union, so why can’t we do it?”

There are more grievances on the way according to former QB, Kain Colter, who got this union ball rolling. Colter told us, “We have a lot of guys that get banged up during the season so we need more people rotating in and out of games. We are going to seek 40 more scholarship players so we only have to play about 50% of the plays in each game. We need time to chill out, you know?”

Colter admitted that a few players were getting carried away with the grievances. He said that free access to marijuana was an issue high on the priority list of the newly formed union. He had to inform the union members that even unions could not use illegal drugs, especially for free. Mr. Colter was embarrassed to tell us about the strangest grievance, which was brought up by an outside linebacker. “The guy wanted us to have conjugal visits in the locker room before practices. I had to make it clear that we were in a union, not prison”, Colter stated.

High School Football Team Unionizes

empire-sports-Plainfield-High-School-football-unionizes-northwesternPLAINFIELD, IN

The National Labor Relations Board of Indianapolis ruled that the football players at Plainfield High School are employees and can unionize.

“This is a proud moment for our team and for our school,” said starting quarter back Chase McGavin.

The approval came after several weeks of deliberations by the Board, which took into account that the football team generates significant amounts of funding for the school through ticket, merchandise, and concession stand sales.

Sources confirmed that the Board also heard the personal accounts of several injured PHS players whose college playing hopes might now be weakened or even eliminated, forcing them to enter higher education without football.

“We give so much to this school. I think it’s time that we get something back,” said Mr. McGavin, who is receiving a free public education, ongoing guidance from a team of coaches, continued support from physical trainers, and the love and admiration of the entire school.

Final reports showed that, upon paying the high school players, Plain Field High School was forced to cut the funding for the football team’s state-of-the-art weight room as well as the entire swimming, gymnastics, wrestling, tennis, cross country, volleyball, water polo, badminton, and cheerleading team.