Tag Archives: Tournament

2014 ATP World Tennis Tour To Be Played Using Nintendo Wii

Paris, France – ATP-World-Tour-To-Be-Played-Using-Wii-Consoles-Wii-Sports-Tennis

A new angle will be added to this years ATP World Tennis Tour. After years of the “same old thing” when it comes to tennis matches, the ATP have decided to use technology to liven up this years tour.

The ATP reported that starting this year their World Tour will be played via Wii Sports Tennis, and all of their competing athletes will have to participate or will be disqualified automatically. The new event was created to bring a fun, familiar technology into the old sport, and also to prevent weather, fatigue, and injuries from stopping a match.

“It is very difficult to watch a match go on for hours, and then be postponed due to weather, or nightfall.” Said ATP representative Joe Goldsmith. “It will take time to get used to it, but I’m sure that people will really enjoy the new format over time. We have begun to lose rating dues to matches being to long, and not being finished that day, or raining on the court, that sort of thing. This is our best option here – a Wii can be stored in a dry place with lighting, and every professional tennis player has to be good at Wii tennis right?”

When asked if he thought that maybe it would be a better decision to just schedule the matches in well-lit, domed stadiums instead, Goldsmith said that the ATP wants progress, not just a place to play.

“We’ve been holding these tournaments for decades, and can anyone in this room even tell me the name of tennis player that isn’t named Agassi or McEnroe? Federer or Williams? I didn’t think so.” Said Goldsmith. “This Wii tournament, it will make the audience even more excited, because as soon as the games are over, they can start their our tournament on their consoles, right there in their living room!”

Tennis pros themselves seem to be ambivalent about the changes, and most are just happy that they are still going to be making extreme amounts of money for playing one of America’s least-favorite sports.

“At least I’m not a golfer,” Said Venus Williams. “My God, then nobody would know who I was.”

Nintendo of America, the company behind the Wii, is said to be a key sponsor in the tournament, and are donating as many Wii consoles as the ATP requests, and are also setting up the equipment for play, including the 80″ hi-defintion televisions that will be used at each event.

PGA Announces First Mini-Putt Masters

Charlotte, North Carolina – empire-sports-pga-announces-mini-putt-tour-golf-mini-golf

The PGA has set up many tournaments over the years for golfers from all over the world, facing each other at several different golf courses. In some sports nothing really changes over time except for advancements in equipment and techniques, yet you never see the format of a game switched up. 

Golf is often touted as a boring sport, and the Professional Golfers Association is all too aware of that stigma. In other sports, viewers get high-paced plays, exciting touchdowns, or hard-hitting violence. Since golf brings in none of the action, the PGA has decided that they needed to spice up their plays, and bring some “youth” viewers and players back to the game.

“In September, a new chapter will be added to the PGA tournaments; the first ever Mini-Putt Masters is all set to take way in Charlotte, North Carolina!” Said Jim Carroll, president of the PGA.

The decision was made by the board members of the PGA to make the game of golf more exciting, adding trick shots and faster course play, just like a day of mini-golf that every family has experienced at one time or another.  They felt that watching a guy walk 200 yards after each shot, as often happens in televised golf events, would make people switch the channel. This new, faster-paced, more energetic tournament was designed to “keep the viewers watching.”

“We are extremely excited to have out golfers out there, putting their way through this exciting tournament.” Said Carroll. “We’ve got trick holes and water traps, slides and loop-de-loops. It’s going to be the most exciting tournament the PGA has ever sponsored!”

Rumors about the prizes for winning the Mini-Putt Master have already begun to circulate. The first place winner will receive a large stuffed animal, a free ice cream sundae, and get to take home their neon-colored golfball. Second place winner will receive a free round on their next trip to the Mini-Putt Masters. Third place will feature a button that says “I Hit Par In The Mini-Putt Masters!”

Bellator MMA To Produce Celebrity Fight Tournament For SpikeTV

NEWPORT BEACH, California – empire-sports-bellator-mma-celebrity-fights-michael-cera-channing-tatum-edward-norton-danny-devito-coolio-tournament

Bellator MMA, the country’s second-largest mixed martial arts promotion, announced today that they would be putting together a celebrity tournament featuring some major names in Hollywood. They are hoping to use these fights to increase their television ratings, as well as bring more notice to their fighters and promotion as a whole.

Founder Bjorn Rebney started Bellator MMA in 2008 as the Bellator Fighting Championship (Bellator is latin for “warrior”) as a competitor to the uber-popular UFC, or Ultimate Fighting Championship, which has been televising MMA fights since 1993. In the last several years, Bellator has slowly gained almost a cult-following of fans, who closely follow their 8-man tournaments, which are set up as a counter-action to the individual one-off fights presented by the UFC.

Rebney announced the new event from the company’s headquarters in Newport Beach, California.

“It is with great pleasure that I announce the new incarnation of Bellator MMA with our Celebrity Fights Tournament!” Said Rebney during his press conference. “We are very excited to work with our group of stars, to help train them, and get them ring-ready to beat the living hell out of each other.”

The announced celebrities that have already signed on the dotted line for the fights include Academy Award winning actors Matt Damon and Edward Norton, Danny DeVito, cult film director Kevin Smith, pop-star Justin Timberlake, pussy-boy Michael Cera, every woman’s masturbatory fantasy Channing Tatum, and Coolio.

The tournament will take place in mid-August, and will be televised on SpikeTV in the U.S. and CTV in Canada. Bellator’s normal rules will apply, as each celebrity is paired off against another in an 8-man bi-weekly staggered tournament, which will be compromised of three 5-minute rounds each. The winner will be given $100,000 for his favorite charity and, like any Bellator tournament winner, will be able to challenge current champion Vitaly Minakov of Russia. Minakov has been the Bellator heavyweight champion since November of 2013, and is expected to completely destroy any of the celebrities who may challenge him, especially Danny DeVito.

So far, a few of the celebrities have already been seen in gyms bulking up for their fight, including Edward Norton, who is looking to put back on all the American History X muscle and defeat Cera, who has been selected as his opponent for the first round.

“I know that I can beat him right to the ground. Who hasn’t wanted to punch Michael Cera in the face on more than one occasion? Jesus, did you guys see Year One? He deserves to be beaten into oblivion for making bad movies.” said Norton, apparently forgetting he was in the film The Incredible Hulk. 

Bellator MMA is said to already be seeking fighters for their next celebrity tournament, and has reportedly reached out to funny man Seth Rogen, Breaking Bad’s Bryan Cranston, and Star Wars creator George Lucas. So far, no one else has signed on officially, but speculation is high that everyone will be on board.

empire-sports-bellator-mma-celebrity-fights-michael-cera-channing-tatum-edward-norton-danny-devito-coolio-tournament-ROSTER
Tournament Roster For Bellator MMA’s Celebrity Fights 2014

 

 

Harlem Globetrotters To Play In NCAA Final Four

empire-sports-harlem-globetrotters-play-ncaa-final-four-2014INDIANAPOLIS, IN—

It is that magical time of year for college basketball, March Madness. Hands down the most anticipated event for all basket ball fans, for many reasons. The upsets, the underdogs, and the pure talent that is displayed in these up coming weeks. Almost every year peoples college brackets get tossed, because of a no name team defeating a squad that was thought to be the top team.

If you happen to be among the few people that still have a perfect bracket for the tournaments, you may want to sit down after reading this article.

A huge twist is being thrown into this years tourney as The Harlem Globetrotters will automatically be placed in the final four, knocking out which ever team has the weakest record. People are in a outrage over this seeing how the Trotters didn’t even enter March Madness, or the fact that they aren’t a college.

“The are a great team, and we want to see them compete” said the chairman of the NCAA sports comity.

“Pure talent is what we want, and we want to see if this team can be taken down by some college kids”.

Earlier in the week the Trotters got to play in a scrimmage game against Dayton, and the players, and coaches weren’t happy about the new change to the tournament.

“These kids are playing there hearts out to become something big, it isn’t fair that the chairman would let this happen.” said head coach Archie Miller

“We draw up plays for teams that are in our league, today in the scrimmage I watched a Harlem Globetrotter do a 360, front flip dunk. This isn’t good for our young players ego, they’ve been getting dunk on so much they have bruises on their faces from the opposing teams nut sack constantly hitting there face.”

Duke Still Thinks They Can Win The Tournament

empire-sports-duke-coach-mike-krzyzewski-didnt-know-mercer-winRALEIGH, NC—

The fast paced March Madness Tournament has taken flight once again, and like every year upsets have already taken place. One of the biggest upset so far has to be Dukes lose to a unknown team, Mercer.

Devastated fans faces flooded the television as Duke fell short to a team that shouldn’t have been a challenge at all to the historic men’s basketball team. Outraged and upset dukes head coach is still keeping a positive attitude, and is taking the loss as a learning experience.

“We got beat fair, and square we didn’t play our best, but that’s no excuse” said Head Coach Mike Krzyzewski

“You learn from this games how to better your team, and come out fighting for the next round of the tournament, are eyes are still set on winning this thing”

Confused by this statement we asked Krzyzewski what he meant exactly.

“Well we lost one, but are journey doesn’t end here we are waiting to see who we play next, and we will prepare for that team. Our goal is the sweet 16, then elite 8, final four, and then the whole kit and caboodle.”

We then continued to remind Krzyzewski that the tournament was a single elimination style, and that Duke was done until next year.

“What!? I thought it was double elimination!” said the coach

Nope…

“Aww, you have to be f**king kidding me! I’ve been getting this kids fired up for next week. So we are done?”

We conituned to tell the coach that he has to be kidding, as this isn’t his first appearance in the tourney, and that it has been run the same way for years.

“You know the years of coaching may have gotten to my head, and it slipped my mind. But like I said we will be back next week stronger”