MIAMI, FLORIDA—

Miami Heat star and best-basketball-player-in-the-Universe LeBron James took a lot of “heat” (pun intended) when he aired The Decision TV special back in 2010.  Most saw it as an awkward, ill-conceived, self-absorbed publicity stunt not befitting the premiere star in his sport.

But now James plans to make amends.  After resurrecting his reputation with three straight trips to the finals, two championships, a second Olympic gold medal, and multiple MVP awards, he’s looking for a new challenge.  Restless and possibly bored in Miami, there are several teams interested in his services – let’s say all of them.  Realistically, very few choices make sense; maybe New York, now that they have Phil Jackson calling the shots, the two Los Angeles teams, and Cleveland, where he can return home a conquering hero and pretend Dan Gilbert never wrote all that stuff IN ALL CAPS!

James is on top of the world, and seemingly has everything going for him both on and off the court.  He plays with a confidence and seriousness that escaped him earlier in his career, and his endorsement opportunities are fruitful and limitless.  However, there seems to be something missing for him, perhaps it was all of the overblown hate and vitriol that came in the wake of his decision to leave Cleveland.

“Things have been too easy,” James lamented, “All this damn winning and adulation, and being worshipped like a modern day Kratos, the Greek God of strength and power, I’m just like, whatever, man.”  This kind of talk has people around the NBA thinking James may be ready to jump ship on Miami President Pat Riley and the notoriously shallow Heat fans.

“To that end, I plan on airing a sequel; The Decision 2: The Decisioning, which will show me planning on making an eventual decision, and all the steps involved in the making of that ultimate decision,” said James,  “which could happen at any time during the 2014 offseason, I haven’t yet decided.“

Steeped in hubris, James appears headed down the path of most resistance, seeking challenges that only mere mortals can dream of overcoming.  He even took a not-so-veiled shot at the player most consider the greatest of all time, Michael Jordan.

“I used to be the most hated man in sports, and I never thought that was fair. Now I’m beloved and admired except by a certain someone who used to play this game and wore my same number, ‘Michael’ something or another.  I think he’s somehow involved in the daily operations of the Charlotte Duckbills or some D-League team, I can’t remember.  Whatever.”