Today Japanese phenom Masahiro Tanaka was introduced to the New York Yankees. Tanaka who dominated the Japanese league with the Tohoku Rakuten Golden Eagles. Tanaka’s numbers were as follows:

-24-0 Win-Loss record

-1.27 ERA

-183 strikeouts

-0.943 WHIP

Only logical explanation for this, PEDs.

Reporters asked Tanaka why he chose the Yankees, Tanaka responded saying “What kind of question is that? I chose the Yankees because they are offering me so much money to just throw a ball, anyways I will get hurt before the All Star game like every other overpaid Yankee so it is basically free money!” Reports wanted to ask Yankees GM Brian Cashman about the deal with Tanaka but he was unavailable at the time reporters heard him weeping in his office as he wrote the check to the future bust.

Reporters also questioned about the Alex Rodriguez scandal to Tanaka and if he was aware of the current situation. “A-Rod? Oh yeah that guy has more steroid connects than millions he gave me about 6 phone numbers but I already have my connect back home he was the the reason I improved so much.”