Tag Archives: San Antonio

LeBron Opens Up About Loss To Spurs, Reasons He Is Leaving Miami

MIAMI, Florida – Empire-Sports-LeBron-Comments-On-Loss-to-Spurs-Why-He-Is-Leaving-Miami

After an extremely embarrassing loss to the San Antonio Spurs in the NBA finals, you can’t blame LeBron if he wants to leave The Heat. It has been reported that James will opt out of his contract and become a free agent. He has been with the Heat for several years after leaving Cleveland, and on paper he has nothing but a flawless career with Miami.

This year, the NBA finals made the normally powerhouse Heat look like rookies, even though they had a roster other teams can only dream of. In a private interview, James admitted why they lost to the Spurs, and the reason behind his choosing to leave the Heat.

“Well, obviously things didn’t go the way we wanted.” said James. “I’m not trying to take anything away from the Spurs or their organization here, but that was a series that should have gone a lot differently. I have never been so embarrassed in my life.”

James seemed no embarrassment in blaming everyone else on the team, taking absolutely no responsibility for any issues throughout their games with San Antonio.

“If my team played the way I told them to, then we would have won, no doubt in my mind. Not to mention if the entire organization had listened. No one heard a damn thing I said. They never hydrated me the right way, they even gave me Midol for my cramps – I’m not even kidding? On top of that, they never had the right sized headbands. They just pretended I wasn’t there, apparently. So maybe I just won’t be next time.”

It is unknown where LeBron will land come next season, but he has made it clear he is looking for a team that will listen to every one of his ideas, and take them as gospel.

“Any team in the NBA should be absolutely honored to have me on their team.” Said LeBron. “If there is a greatest player still working today, it’s got to be me. Next year, my new team will get me some damn headbands that fit.”

San Antonio Spurs Star Tim Duncan Forced to Sign Up for ObamaCare

empire-sports-tim-duncan-forced-obamacare-affordable-care-actSAN ANTONIO, TEXAS—

San Antonio Spurs head coach Gregg Popovich is up in arms after the Spurs’ medical staff received news today that aged Spurs star Tim Duncan will have to sign up for the Affordable Care Act (ObamaCare), or face financial penalties. The hall of fame power forward has played his entire NBA career without medical insurance.

Popovich called the move “unconstitutional”, and added, “NBA commissioner Adam Silver is a coward for not intervening. I rest my veteran players adequately, so they are rarely injured. I do not need big brother Barack telling me how to coach my team.” Popovich then hissed at a camera man who was snapping his photo, and retreated to what appeared to be a coffin.

The decision has sparked controversy around the league, with some saying since Duncan was born in a U.S. territory, which is not technically the U.S., he shouldn’t be eligible for coverage. Even Duncan’s longtime teammate Tony Parker, who is French, questioned Duncan receiving coverage through the Affordable Care Act. “He’s not really American. As an illegal immigrant myself, I recognize ObamaCare should be reserved for U.S. born citizens,” said Parker as he bit into a baguette.

Duncan could not be reached for comment, as he was in the middle of his daily five hour massage session.