STAMFORD, Connecticut –
This afternoon in a press conference from his WWE headquarters, world-renowned billionaire wrestling promotor and WWE chairman Vince McMahon announced his bid for a 2016 presidential candidacy. The news comes as a shock to both political parties and fans of the sports entertainment world, especially after McMahon’s wife, Linda McMahon, pursued and failed in an attempt to gain a seat in the Connecticut congress on the Republican ticket a few short years ago.
When asked about his ambitions in the political world, McMahon stated that he was “extremely ashamed” with how Linda’s political career had turned out, and he felt that as a face people recognize from years on television with the WWE, that he would certainly stand a good chance of being elected.
“When my wife Linda ran for congress in 2010, and then again in 2012, and lost both elections, I was deeply ashamed and embarrassed for her. Linda ran with my full support, although I did not give her any access to my billions of dollars in wrestle-money. I felt that she lost because real pro-wrestling fans don’t pay attention enough to political policy, which she had a strong showing of. All they care about is who has the best looking face and who has the most money. Since my face is already well known throughout the world as a leader in the Sports Entertainment world, it was only logical that the next step was a bid for presidency. Plus, I have a pretty nice looking face. I just want to make up for what Linda couldn’t do, and then one-up it. It’s just how I am as a man.”
McMahon has decided to not run under either major party, but instead to run as an Independent, despite years of staunch voting for Republican candidates. McMahon also went on to announce a slogan of “PILE-DRIVE THE POLITICAL PHONIES,” which he explains is a dig at all other politicians out there who will make un-kept promises.
“With my platform to Pile-Drive The Political Phonies, I am setting out to make sure that no one on either side of the ticket will be out there to bull**** the American people…because if anyone out there knows a thing about bull****ing and crazy stories, it’s me!” McMahon stated, possibly alluding to his status in the WWE as head of storyline and development. McMahon has created and developed nearly 100% of the ‘characters’ in his promotion for nearing 40 years, including winning ideas such as Triple H and The Undertaker, and losers such as The Gobbledy-Gooker and The Repo Man.
When asked how they felt about McMahon as a presidential candidate after McMahon’s announcement, WWE fans had very positive reactions.
“I’ve been waiting for a presidential candidate like this all my life,” said Michael Hickenbottom, a life-long wrestling fan. “If there was ever a man who could lead a country, it’s Vincent K. McMahon. I’m in awe, honestly, that it took him this long to realize he shouldn’t just be making men in tights dance around in a ring like puppets, but that he should be making puppets out of our Congressmen, too!”
As of this writing, McMahon has not announced a running-mate, although it has been speculated that he may choose someone from his current WWE roster, with fan-favorite Daniel Bryan being a highly likely candidate.