Tag Archives: police

Woman At Walmart Arrested For Shoplifting; Police find $100 Worth Of Groceries In Her Vagina


PITTSTON, Pennsylvania –

A woman is facing charges and fines after being arrested Thursday evening at a Walmart store in Pittston, Pennsylvania. Police arrested and charged Holly Fray with grand theft after store employees said that they had seen her walking through the store, sticking food up her…


Seattle Seahawks’ Richard Sherman Arrested After Berating Police Officer

Seattle, Washington – empire-sports-richard-sherman-arrested-berating-police-officer

Seattle Seahawks’ corner back Richard Sherman is in the spotlight again, but this time it isn’t for a great play, or slamming an opposing team. One of the best defensive players in the NFL today has found himself off the field and behind bars after an argument with a local police officer on Wednesday evening.

Sherman is known for his cockiness on the field, and a vocabulary that can only be described as “trash-talk.” His passion on the field often carries over to the after-game interviews, and he is the type of player Seahawks fans either love, or love to hate.

Despite his reputation for attitude within the NFL, witnesses to Sherman’s altercation with a Seattle police officer were shocked by his behavior.

“It was like he just picked off Peyton in the Super Bowl, and ran it back for a touchdown or something. His cockiness was at an all time high!” Said Curt Johnson, a bystander to the incident.

Sherman’s problems arose when a police officer witnessed him jaywalking, and gave him a warning not to do it again. The officer later admitted that he wasn’t so much worried about the jaywalking law in Seattle, but the fact that it was a busy street and Sherman could have been hurt, as several pedestrians have been hit by cars in the same area over the last few months.

“He asked me if I knew who he was, and I said of course, I’m a huge fan.” Said Patrolman Mike Stephens. “[Sherman] then continued to say, ‘Then you know that I own [expletive] Seattle, and any [expletive] street I want to cross I can, no matter where I decide to [expletive] cross it.'”

Stephens apparently tried to apologize, and explain to Sherman that he was just doing his job, and that Sherman’s celebrity status in the city did not give him the right to curse anyone.

“He told me that I was a terrible police officer, and said I should just go eat some [expletive] donuts.” Said Officer Stephens. “He went off on me about how he was doing better in life than I was, and said that I shouldn’t even watch a Seattle game again, because I didn’t deserve to witness the ‘greatness’ that was him on a football field.”

Sherman was arrested and charged with jaywalking and disorderly conduct towards a police officer in the course of his duty. Representatives for Sherman could not be reached for comment at press time.

New Animal Fighting Ring Exposed; Police May Question Michael Vick

DECATUR, Alabama – michael-vick-animal-fights-police-sphynx-hairless-cats-new-york-jets

On late Thursday evening, a police raid on a trailer park in Decatur, Alabama exposed an animal fighting ring composed entirely of Sphynx, commonly known as hairless cats. Police had been surveilling the park for several weeks, based on the tip of a former occupant who said that his neighbor was running Sphynx fights out of his basement.

“This underground Sphynx ‘league,’ as it was called, was brought to our attention at the end of last month.” Said Cpt. Logan Picard of the Decatur Animal Control Task-force. “We had been watching and waiting for the best opportunity to swoop in and take down these low-lives. We had two officers undercover in the operation, both of whom had made separate deals to enlist their hairless cats into the fighting arenas.”

Picard says that hairless cats were used because it was easier to hide evidence of animals fights if there wasn’t any fur flying all over the place. “The scene was intense. No fur on these creepy cats, but plenty of dry, old skin and blood everywhere. Imagine your grandmother’s feet after she scrapes them with a PedEgg – that’s what the floor of this basement looked like.”

This is not the first time that a major animal fighting ring was exposed. In 2007, New York Jets quarterback Michael Vick was charged and convicted of running a dog-fighting ring out of his home; fights that had been happening multiple times over a 5-year period. Although this current ring does not seem to be connected to Vick, police may question him on the basis of his “expertise” in the subject of animal cruelty and fights.

“We have contacted representatives for Michael Vick, as we would like to speak with him about this Sphynx situation. We do not believe that he is in any way connected to the fights we thwarted this week, but as he is the only person I can think of who knows anything about animal fights, his expertise on the matter is invaluable. We have reason to believe that this Sphynx cat-fighting ring is just the tip of an animal fighting ring iceberg that may include multiple parties and fights happening in several states.” said Picard.

Cpt. Picard went on to state that in the investigation, his team came to believe that several big-name players in the animal fighting world were keeping their eye on the Sphynx fights, waiting to see if it was lucrative enough to bring it into the world of “major league” animal fighting. Picard said that in recent years, research has shown that animal fights staged for money have increased dramatically. Aside from the normal dog and cock fights most people are aware of from news and media, there are also fights staged with squirrels, donkeys, monkeys, iguanas, turtles, baby giraffes, frogs, pigs, and bats.

“The last one is definitely the hardest to control. You really need that one to happen indoors.” Said Picard.

Although police have not yet released the names of any of the major players involved in these animal fighting rackets, there has been speculation by the media that the police reaching out to Vick may mean that they are thinking the fights are being set up by other big-name sports athletes.

“We are not saying, at this time, who we feel may be involved. That information will come after the arrests.”

Michael Vick is currently the quarterback for the New York Jets, and was voted the 2010 Comeback Player of the Year after being release by his former team, the Atlanta Falcons, and serving 21 months in a federal prison for his guilty plea in relation to the dog fights.