Tag Archives: nfl

Jim Harbaugh Leads Pee-Wee Team To NFL

Jim Harbaugh coaching up his future NFL team
Jim Harbaugh coaching up his future NFL team

SAN FRANCISCO, CALIFORNIA-   Jim Harbaugh over the course of the past month has led a struggling youth pee-wee football team to developing into their own NFL dream team. The team is a group of a dozen young boys ranging in ages from 7-9 years old, and Jim Harbaugh believes they have what it takes to make it big in the pros.

The deal to add the team to the NFL was discussed with NFL commissioner Roger Goodell Tuesday afternoon, which landed the deal for the young stars to land a spot in the NFC West opposing the 49ers. The team has begun to build a stadium across from the 49ers ‘Candlestick Park’, and the organization has yet to release any more information. The coaching staff plans to add Mark Sanchez as quarterback coach as of Richie Incognito and Terrell Owens with other positional coaching spots.

The new team has yet to release any more details on their uniforms, staff, or even the team name, but roster movements are happening every second. The young boy named Nate from the commercial ‘Play 60’  featuring Cam Newton has joined the team to play as quarterback. With the new young prodigy Nate being added to the team roster we have been told Cam Newton’s mom has told the press Nate is now her favorite player, over her son Cam Newton, leading Newton into being cut from the Panthers in the last hour from embarrassment to the Panthers organization.

While more information is being released hourly we will update the story over the course of the day.

Michael Vick Hospitalized In Pit Bull Attack


Does Michael Vick believe in Karma?

Well if he didn’t before I’m sure he does now. Michael Vick was hospitalized in a pit bull attack in downtown Philadelphia this morning. When police investigated the scene they found at least 3 other pit bulls in cages although it didn’t appear that the dogs had been used for fighting.

While the police technically can’t charge Vick with dog-fighting (again), we feel he might have learned his lesson this time around. Apparently, one of the dogs got out of it’s cage and went on a rampage, hospitalizing 7 people including of course Michael Vick.

Michael Vick has experienced a lot of downers lately. Getting charged with dog-fighting, losing his starting job, and now getting hospitalized by a pit bull.

We also have an interview with Michael Vick before he went to the hospital. Interviewer: “Why were you in the same facility as people who were fighting dogs?” Michael Vick: “I did not even know that was a dog fighting lab.” Interviewer: “Were you watching the dogs fight? The cameras caught you going in 3 hours before the incident happened.” MV: “No comment. Can we get out of here please?”

Michael Vick apparently did not want to talk to reporters about the incident. I wonder why.

Breaking News: Jerry Jones named Cowboys Head Coach

Jerry JonesIn a shocking move Cowboys Owner/GM has fired the entire Cowboys coaching staff leaving no one to coach the team. But just minutes after Jones announced he would be doing all the coaching himself. Jones had the following to say about his hiring of himself:

“I just felt like after doing a great job as General Manger I should continue to expand my role and continue to give these fans what they want and that’s me being the coach. Im the best guy for the job hands down. I am going to be coaching all positions and all aspects of the team. I will be calling Offense, Defense, Special Teams.”

NFL.com put up a poll on their site with 95% of the poll showing that this is a mistake and will ruin the Cowboys and lose them alot of fans. There seems to be only one person who thinks this will work and thats Jerry himself. There is nearly a slim chance of Dallas being successful with only one coach on the entire staff.

More info on this as we get it.

Three Broncos Players Express Dismay Saying “Football Takes Up So Much Time”

tim-tebow-tebowingDENVER – Three Bronco players have complained to top officials within the organization that “they just want the season to be over,” and that “listen I signed up for 16 games, and then you add on preseason, minicamp, it’s just all a bit much.”

The players who, Team Executive, John Elway says will prefer to remain anonymous “have some legitimate beefs, I know this season has dragged on a bit, but I keep telling the guys, just keep holding on you know, few more days. We’ve tried everything, we even have started a tradition called ‘Movie Monday’ the whole team went and saw Frozen, super cute movie, by the way.”

One of the chief concerns is that the players are not having enough time to enjoy the millions of dollars they receive to play the game, one of the players expressed this concern saying “Listen, I know we’re paid a s— ton, but honestly, we can barley even enjoy all that stuff. Plus, playing in the league will literally turn my brain into apple sauce so once I’m done in football… the next forty years for my mind are going to be like a soft background static on the television, so what’s even the point?”

At press time, the players were given the day off and told to “relax, have a little ‘me time’.”


Super Bowl Was Held Yesterday At Earth’s Core To Avoid Inclement Weather

2612f0ef8479784324cdfff22e467c7bEARTH’S CORE – Roger Goodell held a press conference today informing the country that the Super Bowl, the countries biggest sporting event was held yesterday, in a super secret facility in the Earth’s core.

“Yes, to avoid the possibility of snow and cold, we decided it would be best if we moved it straight underground. We have actually discovered a place within the molten crust where you can literally control environment. After mulling over countless options: playing the game as scheduled, moving the game around, even moving it to another place on the surface of Earth were all discussed, but this was the only credible option.”

The game was played in front of 0 fans, only the teams and referees, and Mr. Goodell were allowed down. The Seahawks won 24-17.

“Oh my god, it was a hell of a game if that makes you guys feel any better! Jesus, a last second interception return by none other than Richard Sherman, just really a picture perfect game. Damn shame you guys missed it.” Goodell said the game wasn’t taped, but he did remember a few plays, “oh yeah, I remember this one play and one of those big guys, number 67 I think, on the Broncos just had quite a block, probably a six, seven yard rush. Real fluid though.”

The best part though, was the halftime show, according to players “They literally found a species of what must be some sort of imp or something and these little dudes could just shred on the guitar, totally gnarly.” said Peyton Manning who also added, “by the way, I’m retired as hell now, ordered me like seventeen Papa John’s pizza and I’m just gonna go to town.”

At publication time Goodell was trying to remember what Seahawks corner, Richard Sherman, had to say after the game, “I remember he was real excited about something, I can’t remember what… I think it was like a good parking spot or something… Christ, what was he saying. I don’t know. Anyways, good season fellas!”

Richard Sherman On His Fine

imagesRichard Sherman was fined by the league earlier this week and he has made the following comments in a news conference:

“You’re fining me?!?!?! Im the best corner in the game! You should fine Crabtree for being so damn sorry.”

Sherman was fined again for his comments in the news conference.

Roger Goodell was thinking about suspending him for the Super Bowl but the Seattle Seahawks owner bribed Goodell with an ounce of marijuana and Goodell lifted the suspension and suspended Ndamukong Suh instead for no apparent reason.