Tag Archives: nfl

NFL Announces Rock “Supergroup” Forming To Play Super Bowl XLIX Halftime Show

empire-sports-super-bowl-XLIX-50-halftime-show-supergroup-concert-artists-bands-musiciansGLENDALE , Arizona – 

Super Bowl XLVIII was only a few months ago, but talks of next year’s halftime show have already hit the circuit, and the names they’re listing are huge.

The Big Game is scheduled for play at the University of Phoenix Stadium in Glendale, Arizona at the beginning of 2015. Normally the halftime shows at the games feature a performance by a well-known rock ‘n’ roll or pop singer or group of performers. This year, the NFL has decided to go all-out, and bring in some of the biggest names in the history of music for a halftime show that could never possibly be topped.

“We honestly wanted to wait for S.B. 50,” said Melanie Aster, director of entertainment for the NFL. “After considering it though, we knew we just had to get all these performers together as soon as possible. It is highly likely some of them may be dead by next year, so we can’t take any chances.”

So far, the NFL has announced that the “supergroup” will consist of Roger Daltry of The Who, rapper Eminem, Steven Tyler of Aerosmith, rapper Big-Boi, country music stars Garth Brooks and Wynona Judd, the pop band Fall Out Boy, post-hardcore/metal rockers Killswitch Engage, white-boy rapper Marky Mark, industrial rock band Nine Inch Nails, shock-rocker Marilyn Manson, Keith Partridge of the Partridge Family Singers, rapper Hopsin, Faith Hill, 90s grunge rockers Blind Melon, and the New York Philharmonic.

The lineup is the most impressive one that the NFL has ever had for a halftime show, and they are extremely happy that they were able to get all the artists on board for the performance.

“It was so amazing that we were able to get this great group of performers together and they’ve all agreed to go out there and rock our 49th halftime show!” said Aster during a recent conversation with reporters and fans.

When asked if she was aware that some of these artists no longer perform, and that at least one is a fictional character, Aster had little to say on the matter.

“All I can say to you is that all of these people have signed on the dotted line, and the ink is definitely dry. We may even have some more surprises the night of game!”

When pressed for details, Aster had little to say, although she did elude to the fact that spectators should be on the lookout for possible wardrobe malfunctions.

“I’m not naming any names, but let’s all just keep an eye on Marky Mark, okay?” Aster said, laughing.

Super Bowl XLIX will be broadcast live on NBC at the beginning of 2015.

 

 

Tim Tebow Gets Offered Job As Towel Boy

empire-sports-tim-tebow-towel-boy-job-contractJACKSONVILLE, FL—

Times are tough for any professional NFL athlete, with trades, cuts, injuries sometimes you have to take any job that comes your way. While most pro football players are finding some slots to fill, others have to consider another craft outside of the game.

People wouldn’t think that a backup quarterback, or even just a practice quarterback would be thankful they still had there jobs, but after the news about Tim Tebow, attitudes are beginning to change.

Tebow was offered a job as a towel boy at a local high school in his hometown, and the crazy thing is that he is highly considering it. You would think that a person with his career would be offered a coaching job, but the sport they ask him to be a towel boy for has nothing to do with football.

He has been asked to work for the schools female ping pong team, as the head towel boy. Tebow was shy at all with speaking to us, and seemed optimistic about the chance to get back to work.

“I go through my life according to Gods plan, there is nothing I can do to change that” said Tebow

“I look at it as a chance to see if I can shine off the field, and take a different journey from what I’m use to. People think that this job wouldn’t be right for me, but hey I’m making my own decision on this one. I am not certain if this is the right job for me but it is an option I am looking into. Just watching the sport I can see how sweaty people get, and this tells me I will have a great chance to prove to the team what I can do. To be honest I am a little nervous, but if I get sweaty from my nerves, I’ll have a stack of towels behind me”.

 

Johnny Manziel Says He May Not Enter NFL Draft; Return To Texas A&M

empire-sports-johnny-manziel-return-to-texas-am-nfl-draftCOLLEGE STATION, Texas—

Two days in April is right around the corner, and for some future NFL all stars these days will be the first step into their incredible careers. A lot of high grade talent is coming out of the draft this year, and coaches of the NFL will be in a dog fight to get the right players for their squad.

One name is that is being tossed around is Johnny Manziel, an all star quarterback from Texas A&M. We all know who Johnny Football is, and what he had done in his college career. He was an exciting player to watch on and off the field, but now it seems that all the attention he had gotten for his fast paced life may be getting to him.

Talks of even Manziel dropping from the draft completely have been floating through the air. With a great college record you can’t blame the guy for thinking he may not be fit for the National Football League.

“College was a blast, and playing for Texas A&M was incredible” said Manziel

“Everything seemed to have gone right for me in college, so I began to grow an ego, and you know the rest. What I fear now is that my crazy attitude may effect the way I play, and I might not even make a team. I mean have you seen NFL players? There huge! I can’t go around scrambling for 30 yards they break my legs, and if I mouth off to a ref or a player I can get beat up or fined.”

It isn’t clear if Manziel will drop from the draft or not, but the fear in his eyes tells us that he is shaken hard, also the fact that he was holding his Heisman like a teddy bear can’t be a good sign.

 

Terrell Owens Planning To Get Sex Change Opperation

empire-sports-terrell-owens-sex-change-operationLOS ANGELES, California—

One of the most decorated wide receivers to play in the National Football League is going under the knife this weekend in LA. Wide receiver Terrell Owens will be getting a potential sex change, that quote “I’ve wanted this since I was a little boy”.

Owens who had a colorful 16 seasons in the NFL, will be making this announcement public after the procedure. Luckily, TO was kind enough to sit down with us, and explain why he is choosing to do this.

“It is just something I want done, I think I would feel more comfortable as a lady” said Owens

We asked him towards the end of your season you bounced around a lot from team to team, and kind of fell out of the spotlight, is this a strange way to get noticed again?

“Not at all, I’ve wanted this since I was a little boy” said Owens

We continued to ask him if his sexuality was a part of this, and if he was homosexual.

“Not at all, I’ll continue to see ladies once the surgery is complete. I am not gay, and never had gay thoughts before in my head. The closest I’ve ever been to being gay was playing for the Dallas Cowboys, but that was mainly because Romo was tossing to me.”

After the surgery will you continue to call yourself Terrell Owens?

“I’ am not positive about my new identity, but my name will no loner be Terrell Owens. I want to be a strong black women like Michelle Obama or Venus Willams. I need to come up with a powerful name that will show my dominance.”

Owens did not remark on how his fellow teammates, and family felt about the decision, but did say that no matter what happens to him next, he is ready for it.

 

 

DeSean Jackson Injured In Drive-By Shooting From Angry Crips

This picture is of DeSean Jackson holding the Crips Hand Logo up.
This picture is of DeSean Jackson holding the Crips Hand Logo up.

WASHINGTON, DC—

Washington Redskins wide receiver DeSean Jackson was rushed to the hospital on Wednesday evening with minor injuries after being targeted in a drive-by shooting.  Rumors that the drive-by was ordered by members of Jackson’s former gang.

DeSean was involved with the Crips before his career in football. Rumor has it that the “Compton Crips” sent out an executive order to kill him for signing with the Redskins and wearing rival gang “Bloods” colors.

When DeSean was released from the hospital today he said “I haven’t associated with these thugs in years, you know what they say, once a Crip, you always a Crip. Its just hard to believe my old homiez would try to kill me.”

DeSean still plans to play for the redskins and carry out his 3 year 24 million dollar contract. He is worried about more attacks but is confident police can keep him safe.

Shortly after the shooting we spoke to QB Robert Griffin III he commented “I think that DeSean is a great addition to the team but is not worth it if he is putting this team at risk”.

We will just have to wait and see how this violent “Beef” will end.

Teddy Bridgewater Shows His Complete Skills in 1.5 Second Video

empire-sports-teddy-bridgewater-pro-day-video-clip-1-secondLOUISVILLE, KY—

The haters have had a good time banging on former Louisville quarterback, Teddy Bridgewater, for his pre draft decline. Bridgewater was being hailed as possibly the number one overall pick for 2014. But he has done a bad job of keeping that possibility a reality. Deciding not to throw at the NFL combine was a sign that something could be wrong with the guy. Or it is possible he and his people thought that too much emphasis was placed on being able to pass the ball effectively. I mean, how important could a quarterback’s throwing ability be when it comes to evaluating a guy. For good measure, Teddy decided the night before the combine, that displaying any running talent would not be appropriate either. I’m not really sure why he bothered showing up to the combine.

Bridgewater then took it down even a notch further when he displayed his skills at Louisville’s pro day. I saw some lowlights of that performance and either they used soccer players as the receivers or Bridgewater is not very good. In a pristine environment with no pass rush or defenders at all, a QB should not have that many balls hitting the turf.

Luckily for Bridgewater, he has some sharp people around him to get his draft status back toward the top of the order. Yesterday his representatives released a highlight video to get things back on track. They hope the video will erase all the doubts that have popped up with the “non-combine” and amateur-like pro day that Bridgewater embarrassed himself with. We watched the video ourselves, but were left a bit befuddled, as it was only 1.5 seconds long. We thought there was a glitch with the online video service, but over and over we watched, and it was just 1.5 seconds of Teddy holding a football while smiling. He looked fit, well groomed, and had a perfect smile, but there was no talent or skills on display. We inquired about the point of this short clip with the QB’s reps and they simply said, “the video speaks for itself”. After I thought about it, I had to agree. One and a half seconds was plenty of time to show off Bridgewater’s talents.

Tom Brady Gets Caught with Naked Pictures of Himself

empire-sports-tom-brady-naked-photos-himself-nude-gayFOXBOROUGH, MA—

Coming into the NFL season eyes of course will be all over the franchise quarterbacks. You know the guys who put up huge numbers, and have Super Bowl rings on their fingers. One of which will be Tom Brady, the starting QB for The Patriots. He has done a lot in his career, and is constantly under the spot light. So much so, that this past Saturday a fellow team mate was going through his locker, and found naked pictures of Tom Brady.

“I went to see if he had my stolen ham sandwich is his locker, and then boom!” said Rob Gronkowski. “In one photo he was posing as if he just threw a touchdown, and his arms, and another part of his body were raised in a score pose.”

With news of this breaking out, we got a moment to speak with Tom himself about the issue. Like always he stayed humble, and modest as we asked about the situation.

“Well, you know Tom is just such a handsome guy, and at that level of beauty it has nothing to do with homosexuality, at that level it is art” said Tom Brady. We continued to ask him why he was speaking in third person.

“Well, Tom is a great player, he is handsome, and he really has a great attitude about life” said Tom.

Confused and frustrated about not getting anywhere with him, we decide to give him a high five (Which he forced on us), and leave the conversation on that.

In other news Rob Gronkowski reported to us that he finally found that lost ham sandwich he’d been looking for.

“I forgot that I left in my helmet, until during practice when another teammate hit me, and I thought I was bleeding mayo. Thank god I had it in their though, it could have done serious problems to my brain”.

The NFL, Sandy Hook Connection; Possible Lawsuit Pending

empire-sports-nfl-sandy-hook-conspiracy-connection-link-super-bowl

ORLANDO, FL—

The conspiracy over the Sandy Hook school shooting seems to only get bigger as the years go by. A lawsuit maybe filed by Wolfgang Halbig for the release of information concerning the Sandy Hook children who sang at the 2012 Superbowl. The lawsuit in question is very simple. Why weren’t the names of the students listed in the Superbowl program guide? Why is the NFL not releasing the names? Why won’t the NFL release any financial information concerning these children,how much they were paid, lodging,food,etc.

School Safety Expert Threatened for Questioning Official Narrative-Video

(FEDERALJACK)
“Mr. Halbig isn’t your average “conspiracy theorist.” He’s worked in public education as a teacher, dean, assistant principal, principal of an alternative school and as the Director for School Safety and Security for the Seminole County Public Schools, a school district of approximately 65,000 students.”

“A former Florida State Trooper and United States Customs Inspector, Mr. Halbig was invited by the U.S. Department of Justice to train over 3,500 school police officers, school superintendents and school principals. He travels the country providing presentations and keynotes to a variety of school board associations and conferences and is a nationally-recognized school safety and security expert and consultant, who has provided safety training and school assessments for more than 4,000 school districts nationwide.”

Possible victims?-Video

Superbowl 47 Game program

To those of you not in the conspiracy loop, the children are believed to actually be the ones who were killed. Grown up versions of the ones shown on TV. This is not what Mr. Halbig is trying to find though, he just wants to know why it is such a secret.

Something interesting to note, It took only 72 hours for the Columbine report to be released. Sandy Hook took 11 mouths and is still the only school shooting that remains partially classified in the history of the United States.

FBI Uncovers Murder Plot Against Cowboys Owner Jerry Jones

empire-sports-jerry-jones-murdered-dallas-cowboysDallas, Texas—

Jerry Jones day just got a bit better. Maybe worse. Depends on personal opinion. The FBI just revealed that they have uncovered a murder plot against Dallas Cowboys Owner and GM Jerry Jones. This coming just days after future Hall-of-Famer DeMarcus Ware was released after  refusing to take a pay cut.

The Cowboys have lost 3 starters on their defensive line in one off-season. DE’s DeMarcus Ware, Anthony Spencer, and DT Jason Hatcher. Ware went to Denver and  Hatcher to Washington. Spencer remains a mystery as to his potential return or end in Dallas. But on to the reason behind this story. Jerry Jones had his potentially threatened by an unidentified male sometime in the past week. We do know the man is in custody but there is no other news besides that he was and had planned to murder the Cowboys owner.

“I don’t know why anyone would try to murder Jerry Jones,” said one Cowboys fan. “He’s like 117 years old.  He’ll be dead by next season anyway.”

Many Cowboy haters wouldn’t have been very happy which makes it quite funny really. The Cowboy haters love Jerry. But not in a good way. The longer Jerry stays in power the longer the Cowboys will suck. The faster Jerry is gone the faster Dallas gets a real GM and a real Head coach who has a pair. But now the poor Cowboy fans must continue to live with an 8-8 at best record under Jones. While this may be a lose-lose for everyone but Jerry Football will be saved and the Cowboys will once again entertain us on a national stage and be the laughing stock of the NFL.

So I am sorry Cowboy fans. you guys will continue to suck. Cowboy haters will continue to hate, and Jerry Jones will continue to live and run Dallas into the ground and no one can stop him. The FBI will catch you and they will stop you.  Why? Because the FBI are Cowboy haters. GG Cowboy Fans. You lose.

Hines Ward Possible Brother of Missing Malaysian Pilot

Could Hines Ward be related to Flight 370 Capt. Zaharie Ahmad Shah?
Hines Ward could be brother to Flight 370 Capt. Zaharie Ahmad Shah

PITTSBURGH, PA—

On Monday former Pittsburgh Steelers wide receiver Hines Ward expressed concerns that he may be related to the pilot of missing Malaysian flight 370 after several of his familiy had sent photos of the pilot to him over the weekend.

Although the pilot , Capt. Zaharie Ahmad Shah, was a Malaysian citizen, family of Hines Ward believed that he could still be closely related.

“The resemblance is crazy!” said Ward in an interview yesterday. “My parents mentioned something about me having a brother from another father put up for adoption before I was born.  I really hope they find him alive so I can meet him one day.”

What’s even more crazy is that Hines is an avid pilot and has a flight simulator at his home.

Captain Zaharie Ahmad Shah has been missing since his Boing 777 went missing on March 8th. The search for the plane is still ongoing.