Tag Archives: Move

Lakers Consider Move Back To Minnesota

empire-sports-los-angeles-lakers-relocate-minnesota-jim-buss-kobeLOS ANGELES, CA-

After suffering the worst defeat in franchise history Los Angeles Lakers owner Jim Buss stated that the team will consider a move back to Minnesota.

The Lakers were blown out 142-94 by their crosstown rivals the Los Angeles Clippers Thursday and it seems as if the ownership has thrown in the towel.

“There are two main factors as to why we are doing so poorly this season,” Buss said in a post-game interview. “They are the players and the coach.”

When asked is the management and ownership had anything to do with the team’s nosedive Buss replied, “Hell no. My daddy built one of the greatest sports franchises in history and my sister is dating the greatest coach this game has ever seen. How could we be responsible?”

After drinking several shots of Old Grand-Dad bourbon in front of a disbelieving press corps, Buss hinted the he may move the team back to Minneapolis, Minnesota, the team’s original hometown.

“There is too much pressure to win in this town. Just ask Dwight Howard,” he said. “Hell I might as well move the tram back to Minneapolis. Those fans would appreciate us.”

When asked if he was serious or if it was the bourbon talking Buss responded, “Hell yes I’m serious. We would be gods over there. Do you know how desperate Minneapolis is for a professional sports team? They’re snowed in half the time. We could go 0-82 and still sell out every game. And the best part is that I wouldn’t have to give away free tickets to a d-bag like Justin Beiber.”

The Lakers are currently experiencing one of their worst seasons in franchise history. Kobe Bryant and Steve Nash have been hurt and have missed most of the season. This leaves the team with only one All-Star caliber player in Pau Gasol.

Gasol has had an ongoing feud with head coach Mike D’Antoni and it has been rumored that one of them will not be back next season.

When asked about this Buss said, “I hope neither of them come back. That would save me a lot of money. Do you know how much some of these players make? It’s incredible.”

At this point Jim Buss started mumbling incoherently, climbed on top of the press table and passed out. As the reporters filed out it was reported that Buss mumbled, “I should have traded Dwight when I had the chance.”

London Lands The Jaguars; NFL’s First Team Outside The USA

empire-sports-london-jaguars-nflNEW YORK CITY-

Watch out world the NFL intends to spread its rule worldwide. The first and surprising move is the Jacksonville Jaguars moving to London for the 2015 season. Jaguars plan to make the transition a bit slow and play half the 2014 home games in London with the other half in Jacksonville. Jaguar fans will get a last chance to watch their team play in Jacksonville before the big move. Jaguars will also no longer be keeping the name Jaguars. They will be known as the London Swans. The logo and new uniforms will be released to public view at the start of the 2015 season.

Many people may wonder how hard it will be for the players to have to live in London. The NFL plans to try to make it as easy as possible. They will provide rent for any player who does not wish to buy a home. London will also allow family members to live in London during the players contract session. If a player falls in love with the London area him and his family even have the option to become citizens of the United Kingdom. The NFL is not only hoping for players to be fine playing for London, but for them to want to play for London.

Maurice Jones-Drew, Running Back for the Jaguars was not pleased about the pending move.  “Man, this sucks!” He stated in an interview totay. “I don’t want to have to learn a new language.  What do they speak in London?”

With the news breaking out of London getting a new team. Parties have broken out all across the nation. Especially the streets of Landon where they plan to hold a big parade when the time comes to welcome home the Landon Swans. Don’t expect it to end here. If this turns out a success  you can bet the NFL will be sending out teams to more areas across the globe. Sorry America but it looks like you may be sharing the NFL with the world.