Tag Archives: Michael Sam

Michael Sam To Star In Gay Porn Version Of “Mandingo”

empire-sports-michael-sam-gay-porn-mandingo-nfl-scoutNEW YORK CITY—

On the verge of becoming the NFL’s first openly gay player, Michael Sam continues to push the envelope by announcing his intention to star in a gay porn version of the salacious Civil War-era sex-fest, “Mandingo.” Sam will reportedly play the lead role of Mede, a run-down plantation’s most virile breeding buck, portrayed in the original by former heavyweight boxing champ Ken Norton.

Sam’s agent, Cameron Weiss, was candid about his client’s ambitious decision.

“Michael’s greatest attributes are not always seen on the field,” said Weiss. “In fact, if you really want to see him perform, don’t miss this film.”

Last month, leaked pictures, allegedly of Sam’s penis, went viral on the Internet, and caused a sensation at the NFL Scouting Combine. Weiss denied the penis in question belonged to Sam, but a former lover, speaking on the condition of anonymity, was unequivocal about his opinion.

“Oh, that’s definitely Michael,” said the source. “I’d recognize his sausage anywhere.”

The situation took another bizarre turn when several Internet websites claimed to possess footage of Sam at the NFL Scouting Combine walking around with an erection. While this is impossible to determine with any degree of accuracy, if Sam wasn’t fully engorged, he is, without question, one of the most gifted men in North America.

NFL scouts don’t have an issue with Sam’s homosexual lifestyle, but have expressed concern about the tremendous girth of his massive unit. The prevailing wisdom among league GMs is that Sam’s potential teammates might be intimidated by the sheer size of the appendage.

Speaking off the record, one longtime league executive said this: “Nobody cares what somebody does in the privacy of their own home, but these guys have to shower together. The fear of many general managers is when other players get a look at that thing, they may very well quit the game.”

Another NFL insider claims that Sam’s purple-headed warrior dwarfs that of NFL Hall of Famer Marcus Allen, who was affectionately referred to by teammates as “Driftwood.” Allen was believed to have possessed the largest penis in NFL history before Sam burst onto the scene.

Regarding the film, Sam will play opposite well-endowed gay porn stars Navin Steed and T-Bone Johnson, and producer Abe Shapiro boasts that the movie climaxes with a cotton field orgy he described as, “Homeric.”

NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell would not comment on the film but did say he has been advised by others to wear a protective cup if he plans to hug Sam on draft day.


Michael Sam Looking To Be First Gay NFL Concussion Victim

empire-sports-michael-sam_nfl_concussionGALVESTON, TX

Missouri defensive end Michael Sam told reporters on Sunday that he is gay, and he hopes to become the first openly gay NFL player to suffer a concussion.

“I am an openly gay, proud man,” proclaimed Sam, “and I am looking to enter the 2014 NFL Draft so I can someday be the first homosexual to experience a debilitating head injury playing the sport I love so dearly.”

He further explained that his sexual orientation should have nothing to do with what happens on the football field, and he wants to put his health, mental capabilities, and future at risk just like any other NFL player.

Gay rights advocates cheered the decision to come out, and several civil rights leaders proclaimed that the U.S. will take a giant step forward if he can lay in a hospital bed next to a straight concussion victim and figure out where they are—together.

“I hope that this move inspires any gay children out there to come out, play football, and put their mental development at severe risk.”

Final reports showed that while this move wasn’t necessarily difficult for Sam, he’s not yet ready to come out as the first gay spinal cord injury.

NFL Players Refuse To Play With Gay Teammate

empire-sports-michael-sam-gay-nflNew York City, NY-

The integration of gay athletes in sports took a big step forward recently with both Michael Sam and Jason Collins coming out but we still a long way to go before we see gay athletes fully accepted in major sports.

In a recent poll given out by the NFL Offices asking anonymously if players would mind playing with a gay teammate a whopping 68% said they would rather not play on the same team as a gay player. Most NFL players currently signed to a team took part and had a vote in this poll. This wasn’t open to coaches or anyone in an office position. It was confirmed that this was a players only survey.

In a “comments” section of the poll some players were especially vitriolic.  Several wrote that they would “rather quit their team than share a locker room with a gay man.”  While one wrote, “I would feel disgusted knowing a guy might be starting at my junk as I changed.”

The NFL is saddened by this outcome and the Commissioner Roger Goddell gave us a comment about the results of this poll.

“I think its sad that in this day and time in the United States that an athlete cannot be himself in a locker room and in front of the camera. I expected better from these athletes and now I may have to show them that I will not stand for this hate towards anyone no matter what they believe. “

Max Aaron Comes Out; First Openly Straight Figure Skater

P&G & Wal-Mart "Tribute to American Legends of the Ice"The inspirational story of Michael Sam, who has vowed to become the first openly gay player in the NFL, has open the doors for others. His story has given courage to other athletes around the country to step out from behind their masks.

Yesterday Jason Collins, on a ten day contract with the Nets, followed suit and became the first openly gay player in the NBA.

Today the entire figure skating world was shocked when US bronze medal figure skater Max Aaron stepped back in to the closet.

“I’m not gay,” said Aaron at a post-Olympic press conference, “and it’s really hard for me to say that.”

When asked about how other figure skaters took the news Aaron stated, “I was extremely worried if my fellow skaters would accept me but they have been very supportive.  It’s really, really tough trying to be gay all the time.  Now I don’t have to pretend to enjoy myself when everyone else is watching Ellen or Dancing with the Stars after practice.”

It’s yet unknown how this will effect Max’s career but we know the dozens of straight skating fans all around the world will be watching and cheering for his success.