Tag Archives: March Madness

Harlem Globetrotters To Play In NCAA Final Four

empire-sports-harlem-globetrotters-play-ncaa-final-four-2014INDIANAPOLIS, IN—

It is that magical time of year for college basketball, March Madness. Hands down the most anticipated event for all basket ball fans, for many reasons. The upsets, the underdogs, and the pure talent that is displayed in these up coming weeks. Almost every year peoples college brackets get tossed, because of a no name team defeating a squad that was thought to be the top team.

If you happen to be among the few people that still have a perfect bracket for the tournaments, you may want to sit down after reading this article.

A huge twist is being thrown into this years tourney as The Harlem Globetrotters will automatically be placed in the final four, knocking out which ever team has the weakest record. People are in a outrage over this seeing how the Trotters didn’t even enter March Madness, or the fact that they aren’t a college.

“The are a great team, and we want to see them compete” said the chairman of the NCAA sports comity.

“Pure talent is what we want, and we want to see if this team can be taken down by some college kids”.

Earlier in the week the Trotters got to play in a scrimmage game against Dayton, and the players, and coaches weren’t happy about the new change to the tournament.

“These kids are playing there hearts out to become something big, it isn’t fair that the chairman would let this happen.” said head coach Archie Miller

“We draw up plays for teams that are in our league, today in the scrimmage I watched a Harlem Globetrotter do a 360, front flip dunk. This isn’t good for our young players ego, they’ve been getting dunk on so much they have bruises on their faces from the opposing teams nut sack constantly hitting there face.”

Duke Still Thinks They Can Win The Tournament

empire-sports-duke-coach-mike-krzyzewski-didnt-know-mercer-winRALEIGH, NC—

The fast paced March Madness Tournament has taken flight once again, and like every year upsets have already taken place. One of the biggest upset so far has to be Dukes lose to a unknown team, Mercer.

Devastated fans faces flooded the television as Duke fell short to a team that shouldn’t have been a challenge at all to the historic men’s basketball team. Outraged and upset dukes head coach is still keeping a positive attitude, and is taking the loss as a learning experience.

“We got beat fair, and square we didn’t play our best, but that’s no excuse” said Head Coach Mike Krzyzewski

“You learn from this games how to better your team, and come out fighting for the next round of the tournament, are eyes are still set on winning this thing”

Confused by this statement we asked Krzyzewski what he meant exactly.

“Well we lost one, but are journey doesn’t end here we are waiting to see who we play next, and we will prepare for that team. Our goal is the sweet 16, then elite 8, final four, and then the whole kit and caboodle.”

We then continued to remind Krzyzewski that the tournament was a single elimination style, and that Duke was done until next year.

“What!? I thought it was double elimination!” said the coach

Nope…

“Aww, you have to be f**king kidding me! I’ve been getting this kids fired up for next week. So we are done?”

We conituned to tell the coach that he has to be kidding, as this isn’t his first appearance in the tourney, and that it has been run the same way for years.

“You know the years of coaching may have gotten to my head, and it slipped my mind. But like I said we will be back next week stronger”

NCAA To Donate $1 Billion March Madness Money To Charity

empire-sports-ncaa-march-madness-billion-dollar-charity-donation-bracketIndianapolis, Indiana

If you thought the world was full big corporate executives running over the little guy, well….. you were right. But there is always the exception and sometimes seemingly corrupt big wheels do the right thing. That is what happened this morning when NCAA President Mark Emmert sent out a press release saying the NCAA will donate the entire revenue from their college basketball tournament to five different charities. In the statement Emmert says that he can no  longer stomach looking at himself in the mirror so something had to be done about the unfair practices of the NCAA. “We have all these ‘student athletes’ playing their hearts out on the court and getting zero cash for it. We, as the governing body of major collegiate sports, basically raped CBS for about a billion dollars last year SON! We just cannot keep conducting business this way. Many of us leaders are frankly afraid of the bad karma that we have already built up and we have to try and reverse it by giving back”, the statement read.

This news has shocked the sports world and the players that are involved in March Madness this year. People have always assumed the NCAA would just keep raking in the cash until schools wised up and got together to put on their own tournament so they could reap all the benefits from the TV money. One anonymous player from Wichita St. was befuddled by the news of the money going to charities though. He did not understand why the charities were getting all the money and the players were left out once again. “Dude, I got rims to pay for, two baby mamas to keep up, and six cousins in my entourage that need to get paid a weekly salary”, player X said. Another player from the ACC said that he can hardly make ends meet since he cannot work even a part time job because of idiotic NCAA rules. The Senior point guard stated that he has resorted to selling gigs on Fiverr.com where he hangs a business sign around his neck and dunks a basketball for $5…with a bag on his head to remain anonymous to the NCAA. Shameful indeed.

The five charities that will be dividing up the $1 billion from the NCAA will be The Red Cross, United Way, Habitat For Humanity, Water.org, and The U.A.H.W.S.C.O.O. We called the NCAA office about the last charity and were told only that it was a charity close to the hearts of President Emmert and some other leaders of the organization. After a little digging, it turns out it stands for ‘Underprivileged Asian Hookers We Like To Sniff Cocaine Off Of’. That may have been the least shocking part of this story.