Tag Archives: Jim Buss

Phil Jackson Gets 3AM Prank Call From Lakers Owner Jim Buss

empire-sports-phil-jackson-jim-buss-prank-call-la-lakersPLAYA DEL REY, CALIFORNIA

Very early this morning, embattled Lakers owner Jim Buss made a phone call to legendary coach Phil Jackson.  Unfortunately for Phil, it was not the one he and most Lakers fans had been hoping for.  Still somewhat groggy, Jackson recounted the story to Marc Stegewick of the Los Angeles Times.

“I heard a lot of low-pitched giggling,” said Jackson, the 11-time NBA championship winning coach, “and then a voice asking if my refrigerator was running.”  I knew it was Jim because my cell phone said ‘Jim Buss,’ plus – he’s my brother-in-law. Even though we don’t talk often, I do recognize his voice.”

Jackson asked why he was calling him so early, remembering how he was woken up in the middle of the night back in November 2012, when he was passed over for current Lakers coach Mike D’Antoni (62-74 record).

“He paused, then changed his voice a little bit and asked if I had Prince Albert in a can,” continued Jackson, “I just hung up, started my meditation a little earlier than usual, and then decided to take the GM job with the Knicks.”

The Lakers owner, often called Jim “Short” Buss by disgruntled Lakers fans, denied being on the other end of the phone call.

“Uh… that wasn’t me,” he said.  Asked what message he had for fans of the 16-time World Champions, Buss was surprisingly honest.

“Screw ‘em.  Look, our fans are pretty spoiled and entitled, and I think it’s my responsibility to show them what it’s like when your favorite team gets run into the ground by an inept owner.  They need a dose of reality!”

Jackson is scheduled to arrive in New York by the end of the week for a press conference.  He even sounded surprised himself, “If you would have told me a few years ago that Jim Dolan would be the better owner to work for, I’d have said you were crazy. Remember, this was a guy that paid Isaiah Thomas $24 million to grope women and fronts his own embarrassingly shitty blues-rock band.”

Lakers Consider Move Back To Minnesota

empire-sports-los-angeles-lakers-relocate-minnesota-jim-buss-kobeLOS ANGELES, CA-

After suffering the worst defeat in franchise history Los Angeles Lakers owner Jim Buss stated that the team will consider a move back to Minnesota.

The Lakers were blown out 142-94 by their crosstown rivals the Los Angeles Clippers Thursday and it seems as if the ownership has thrown in the towel.

“There are two main factors as to why we are doing so poorly this season,” Buss said in a post-game interview. “They are the players and the coach.”

When asked is the management and ownership had anything to do with the team’s nosedive Buss replied, “Hell no. My daddy built one of the greatest sports franchises in history and my sister is dating the greatest coach this game has ever seen. How could we be responsible?”

After drinking several shots of Old Grand-Dad bourbon in front of a disbelieving press corps, Buss hinted the he may move the team back to Minneapolis, Minnesota, the team’s original hometown.

“There is too much pressure to win in this town. Just ask Dwight Howard,” he said. “Hell I might as well move the tram back to Minneapolis. Those fans would appreciate us.”

When asked if he was serious or if it was the bourbon talking Buss responded, “Hell yes I’m serious. We would be gods over there. Do you know how desperate Minneapolis is for a professional sports team? They’re snowed in half the time. We could go 0-82 and still sell out every game. And the best part is that I wouldn’t have to give away free tickets to a d-bag like Justin Beiber.”

The Lakers are currently experiencing one of their worst seasons in franchise history. Kobe Bryant and Steve Nash have been hurt and have missed most of the season. This leaves the team with only one All-Star caliber player in Pau Gasol.

Gasol has had an ongoing feud with head coach Mike D’Antoni and it has been rumored that one of them will not be back next season.

When asked about this Buss said, “I hope neither of them come back. That would save me a lot of money. Do you know how much some of these players make? It’s incredible.”

At this point Jim Buss started mumbling incoherently, climbed on top of the press table and passed out. As the reporters filed out it was reported that Buss mumbled, “I should have traded Dwight when I had the chance.”