Tag Archives: Homeless man

Boston Red Soxs Break New Ground And Sign Homeless Man

empire-sports-boston-red-sox-sign-homeless-man-beard-john-farrellBOSTON, MA—

Anticipations are running high for the players in Fenway this upcoming season, after a historic past year. The Boston Red Soxs did what most thought could never be done again, and won a World Series title.

Rumors have been floating that their success could have been brought by the pack of beards they grew during the season. Almost everyone on the team had a beard growing, even the bat boy was growing out some peach fuzz. These rumors may have made the Red Soxs team more superstitious then before. Coming into this season expect a new face to take the roster of the Soxs, a free agent, that was not on any teams radar.

The reasoning behind this person being completely unknown in the baseball world is because this person has no experience in the baseball world at all. It turns out the person that the team picked up happens to be a homeless gentlemen that sleeps in the dumpster behind their stadium.

“Well, we weren’t sure what to expect, but once we saw that magical beard we knew he’d make the right fit in our organization” said the socks General Manager

“I mean he looks extremely weak in practice, and no matter how many times we hit the showers a day, nothing will break that smell he carries with him.”

Still, the Soxs are optimistic that once the season start he will be their go to player.

“Once we get him to stop peeing on himself, and sober I really think this pick up will pay off. That beard only is worth a large salary, and once we find a position for him, heads up”

The homeless gentlemen’s stats have not been released, but it is rumored that in practice he is 0 for 216 in batting, and some how found a way to get out on a walk.