Tag Archives: Hockey

NHL To Dye Ice Black, Use White Pucks To Make TV Viewing Easier

This digital mock-up shows the plans for all arenas in the NHL circuit. All ice will be dyed the color of a 14 year old goth girl’s bedroom.

After decades of complaining by fans, the NHL has decided to make some drastic changes to their arenas across the U.S. and Canada: They are finally going to dye the ice black for better television viewing.

In a press release that was sent to news outlets this morning, NHL commissioner Gary Bettman announced the change, which he says will “better suit the NHL viewers at home and in the stands.”

“As we all know as hockey fans, NHL games are fast-paced and often hard to follow. Generally there is a lot of movement happening very quickly, and really the only reaction time is when a team scores a goal.” Said Bettman in his statement. “Since sometimes full periods go by without any scoring, we really want to give the fans something to watch and be excited for. Reversing the colors of the ice and the puck will make it far, far easier to watch the games and follow along with the action.”

The changes will take effect for the 2015 NHL season, and some arenas are already beginning the change currently. What the new policies will put into place is the dying of the ice from the normal color, which is a foggy white or blueish-white, to straight black. The logos and lines on the ice will stay in their normal colors, and the pucks will change to white from black. This will make it infinitely easier for TV cameras to pick up the movement of the puck as it is slapped across the ice, making fans at home feel like they can actually follow along.

Players who were interviewed about the changes this afternoon were ambivalent with the changes, saying that as long as the ice is maintained to its current standards, they were okay with it. Even NHL legend Wayne Gretzky was quoted as saying he thought the change would be great.

“A lot of guys, they get knocked around so much out there, they’re losing vision, everything is blurry. This will certainly help improve the games not only for the fans, but the players, too!” Said Gretzky.

With any luck, if the idea of the dyed ice takes off, we can look forward to the “blacklight” games to be played the following year, during the 2016 season. Those games would be played under 70s-style black lights in all arenas, causing the entire ice, puck, and player jerseys to glow.  So far, that idea is in planning stages, and will depend on how well the current changes work. No word on whether the arena would also be retrofitted with Black Sabbath or Bob Marley posters as well.

Not Again, Jordan! Michael Jordan Returns For Third Time

tumblr_l3o61b1jxt1qa3rcio1_500DES MOINES, IOWA–.

Well, he’s done it again. Not with baseball, not with basketball, but with hockey. Apparently the man just can’t quit.

The legend of the Chicago Bulls, one of the all time greats, has decided to come back and play sports again. He did it with baseball, now he wants to try his hand at hockey.

At first, Michael Jordan had a hard time finding a team to take him. Then he remembered that he was a very rich man, and bought the Des Moines Buccaneers, an Ice Hockey team located in Urbandale, Iowa. The Buccaneers are a first tier team that plays in the United States Hockey League. After trying out for the team before this season started, and ultimately ending up cut, it appears he has bought the team in order to ensure a spot on the roster.

USHL regulations keep Jordan from playing this season, but rest assured that he will be playing on the ice next year.

“I’ve always liked Hockey,” Jordan says, “but have never really had the time for it. Now that I’ve been retired for some time, and have a ton of money to burn, I think I would like to give it a go.”

When asked about the regulations keeping him from playing the rest of the year, Jordan was quoted saying, “I don’t really like them, to be honest. In fact, I hate them. I am thinking about giving a generous donation to the league to see if they will let me play.”

Jordan didn’t comment on his hockey skills during his press conference, but rest assured this happy reporter will be following this news very carefully in the coming months.

Vladimir Putin Joins Russian Hockey Team To Compete In Winter Olympics

Vladimir-Putin-Hockey-PlayerRussian President Vladimir Putin has loved this winter Olympics like his own kid. He has taken many persuasions to make sure it is safe. And today he took the last one. This morning, he announced that he would be joining the Russian hockey team. Putin said that with him there, he could look over his “baby” even closer.

Putin said he would be the new star defender. ” I was the star hockey player for the KGB hockey team back in the day. I was known to crash opponents against the windows so much that I was known as the ‘Glass Crusher’ “! Putin added on to that by saying ” I also just love destroying my opponents!” Immediately, the Russian coach  and teammates pleaded for the President not to join, but he ignored them.  When Reporters asked his press Secretary what if opposing players tried to hurt the President, he explained that anyone who tried to come within 5 feet of Putin to hit him would be shot by snipers filled with tranquilizers perched on the roof above, including those with the puck. Of course when hearing this, the US and others  complained that Putin was cheating, but the President threatened to kick the teams out of Russia if they continued those accusations. So, Putin prevailed.

Now, you can see Vlad practicing his skills (mostly checking) for the up-coming games!