Dallas, Texas—

Jerry Jones day just got a bit better. Maybe worse. Depends on personal opinion. The FBI just revealed that they have uncovered a murder plot against Dallas Cowboys Owner and GM Jerry Jones. This coming just days after future Hall-of-Famer DeMarcus Ware was released after  refusing to take a pay cut.

The Cowboys have lost 3 starters on their defensive line in one off-season. DE’s DeMarcus Ware, Anthony Spencer, and DT Jason Hatcher. Ware went to Denver and  Hatcher to Washington. Spencer remains a mystery as to his potential return or end in Dallas. But on to the reason behind this story. Jerry Jones had his potentially threatened by an unidentified male sometime in the past week. We do know the man is in custody but there is no other news besides that he was and had planned to murder the Cowboys owner.

“I don’t know why anyone would try to murder Jerry Jones,” said one Cowboys fan. “He’s like 117 years old.  He’ll be dead by next season anyway.”

Many Cowboy haters wouldn’t have been very happy which makes it quite funny really. The Cowboy haters love Jerry. But not in a good way. The longer Jerry stays in power the longer the Cowboys will suck. The faster Jerry is gone the faster Dallas gets a real GM and a real Head coach who has a pair. But now the poor Cowboy fans must continue to live with an 8-8 at best record under Jones. While this may be a lose-lose for everyone but Jerry Football will be saved and the Cowboys will once again entertain us on a national stage and be the laughing stock of the NFL.

So I am sorry Cowboy fans. you guys will continue to suck. Cowboy haters will continue to hate, and Jerry Jones will continue to live and run Dallas into the ground and no one can stop him. The FBI will catch you and they will stop you.  Why? Because the FBI are Cowboy haters. GG Cowboy Fans. You lose.