Tag Archives: golf

PGA Announces First Mini-Putt Masters

Charlotte, North Carolina – empire-sports-pga-announces-mini-putt-tour-golf-mini-golf

The PGA has set up many tournaments over the years for golfers from all over the world, facing each other at several different golf courses. In some sports nothing really changes over time except for advancements in equipment and techniques, yet you never see the format of a game switched up. 

Golf is often touted as a boring sport, and the Professional Golfers Association is all too aware of that stigma. In other sports, viewers get high-paced plays, exciting touchdowns, or hard-hitting violence. Since golf brings in none of the action, the PGA has decided that they needed to spice up their plays, and bring some “youth” viewers and players back to the game.

“In September, a new chapter will be added to the PGA tournaments; the first ever Mini-Putt Masters is all set to take way in Charlotte, North Carolina!” Said Jim Carroll, president of the PGA.

The decision was made by the board members of the PGA to make the game of golf more exciting, adding trick shots and faster course play, just like a day of mini-golf that every family has experienced at one time or another.  They felt that watching a guy walk 200 yards after each shot, as often happens in televised golf events, would make people switch the channel. This new, faster-paced, more energetic tournament was designed to “keep the viewers watching.”

“We are extremely excited to have out golfers out there, putting their way through this exciting tournament.” Said Carroll. “We’ve got trick holes and water traps, slides and loop-de-loops. It’s going to be the most exciting tournament the PGA has ever sponsored!”

Rumors about the prizes for winning the Mini-Putt Master have already begun to circulate. The first place winner will receive a large stuffed animal, a free ice cream sundae, and get to take home their neon-colored golfball. Second place winner will receive a free round on their next trip to the Mini-Putt Masters. Third place will feature a button that says “I Hit Par In The Mini-Putt Masters!”

Life-Imitates-Art for Adam Sandler; Has Real Life Scuffle With Bob Barker

empire-sports-adam-sandler-bob-barker-golf-fight-happy-gilmore-life-imitates-art-charity-eventHOLLYWOOD, California – 

Almost 20 years ago, Adam Sandler invited game show host Bob Barker to play a bit-part in his golf-centric comedy Happy Gilmore, wherein Barker knocked out Sandler’s character after the two get into an argument about how badly Sandler’s character Happy Gilmore is playing during a celebrity golf event.

Well this past weekend the movies came to life, as legendary gameshow host Bob Barker, 90, best known for his stint as the host of The Price is Right, knocked out Adam Sandler during a charity golf event in Hollywood. The event was organized by the Among The Stars Golf Association, a charity group that pairs Hollwood actors with children and teens for a day of golf.

The trouble started when Barker, who was not playing in the event but was there as an honorary guest, started ribbing Sandler for his poor day on the course. Barker, who stated after the altercation that he thought for sure Sandler would understand he was just re-enacting their old scene and having a good laugh, stood up from his wheelchair when Sandler came up and got in his face, calling him a “hack” and “a relic.”

“Why don’t you shut the f*** up, old man?” Sandler was reportedly heard yelling at Barker, 9-iron in hand. Barker assumed at first that Sandler was merely teasing, and ramped up his jokes, which only seemed to further upset Sandler. Finally, as Sandler came face-to-face with Barker, it became apparent to him that Sandler was not fooling around, and actually intended to cause harm. Suddenly scared for his extremely ancient life, he reached back and used all his strength to knock Sandler across the face with a vicious left cross, leaving him with a black eye.

Sandler was temporarily knocked out by the blow, and when he came to he seemed more embarrassed by the altercation than anything else. He refused medical attention, and he also refused to talk to any reporters or bystanders at the scene, but several people did hear him muttering “The price is wrong, bi*ch” over and over to himself as he walked to his car.

No word on whether Sandler will be pressing charges against Barker. When reached for further comment, Barker did remind us to help control the pet population by always spaying and neutering our pets.

Tiger Woods Breaks Record at Mini Putt Course, Ruins a Child Birthday Party

empire-sports-tiger-woods-mini-golf-puttputt-birthday-kid-killCHARLOTTE, NORTH CAROLINA-

It was a great day to be outside this past Saturday in North Carolina, for some at least. One child may have decided to stay in his house if he knew what he was about to face that afternoon.

Billy Thomas age 6 and 1/2, had a birthday party that Saturday at a local mini putt golf course by his house. He invited all of his friends from class, and even a crush he had in another school. Reports tell us that Billy was so excited for the event he couldn’t sleep the night before.

Things were going great until pro golfer Tiger Woods showed up to the course completely out of the blue. When first arriving the kids of the party began cheering, and greeting Woods like a hero. Then, a source tells us Woods said this sentence “I’m not here for fans, I’m here to play”.

Woods sunk a hole in one on the very first par, and began to mock the children to try to get on his level. He continued to completely destroy these poor children on the course, even eating Billy’s very last piece of cake. “Cake is for winners” said Woods “I felt really good about how I played today, I felt like everything was going my way, and to be honest the competition here didn’t have a chance. Granted, some of them had to quit because it was nap time, I’m still feeling good about how I played.”

With this win Tiger did not only break a new record at the course, he is also the new proud owner of a golf ball he got to keep for winning, and a free ice cream sundae with two toppings.

“I know they say I can only get two topping of the sundae, but come I’m Tiger f**king Woods!”