MONTREAL, Québec—

Former sex educator and Canadian Olympic Committee member Ivana Vulva has successfully lobbied for support of the COC in adding full contact chess to the Olympics.
Vulva claims that chess has always been an unpopular sport dating back to high school for many Canadians.

“It’s not fair,” stated the Montreal resident.

“I’m trying to use my experience as a sex therapist to add some spice to a game I have always loved, but could rarely share.”

The COC has been fully supportive of Vulva’s movement.

Marcel Aubut, the Chairman of the committee, couldn’t say enough about the decision.

“Ms. Vulva has taught me a lot that has enhanced my private life in a big way,” Aubut stated.
“She has assisted in helping me to get in touch with my feminine side and showed me how I can use the strategic game playing of chess as a seductive tool to attract the opposite sex.”

Vulva’s first step is to have chess brought into the international Olympic arena where it can be contested for Gold, Silver and Bronze medals.

“There are a lot of us still in the closet when it comes to chess,” Vulva says.
“It’s not so much an embarrassment of playing the game, either. I have found in my years as a sex therapist that many people who play chess have deeper issues they are suppressing and one of them is an extremely responsive libido.”

The second phase of the plan is to see various adult-oriented competitions held where the full contact part of the game comes into play.

“It’s not so much sexual and sensual,” Vulva explains.
“I think it would be interesting to see what would take place between say, a Norwegian and Russian when engaged in full contact chess at the Olympic level.”

Vulva was not clear on specific rules of the full-contact variation of the game but stated it is “not some sort of party game used to get girls drunk.”

The COC will next lobby the International Olympic Committee to have chess added to a future Olympic games schedule.