NFL fans cover your eyes, Super Bowl winning head coach John Madden was found this morning dead at his Pleasanton, California home.
Paramedics responded to a call made early this morning and found the 78 year old Hall-of-Fame coach sitting upright on his couch with a microphone in his hand. The Pleasantville Medical Examiner has not released the cause of death but no foul play is suspected.
Madden was highly known for his Super Bowl win and his 77% win percentage (best win percentage coaching over 100 games). Many know about the legacy he formed at Oakland. He was also a broadcaster for NBC alongside Al Michaels and a pro football video game was named after him. Earlier this year a reporter asked him if he would ever coach for the Raiders again, he just responded with ” I don’t think I’d coach any team”.
EA sports have already reported that they will be cashing in on Madden’s death with a special commemorative edition of their popular Madden football game with a “John Madden 78” edition this summer.
“There’s no better way for us to pay tribute to John than to make a ton of money off his death,” said EA Sports representative Joseph Goldsmith. “We’ve already signed a contract with Frank Caliendo to continue to do the voice for the game, and at half the price that’s great news for us.”
A statement and press conference for Oakland’s front office has been scheduled tomorrow.
We all love a good comeback story, and that may be the case of why Magic Johnson stayed in the lime light for so many years. An incredible basketball player, with a very impressive career can only take you so far. The fact of the matter is people kept there eyes glued to Johnson because of a medical condition he announced he had years ago.
Johnson came clean that he become HIV positive years ago, and it wasn’t that tough of a pill to swallow seeing how a person with his resumé is bound to attract a lot of different people.
When first admitting to the illness, Johnson’s future wasn’t clear if he’d continue to live a day to day life, or fall to the sickness and flicker away. Over the years though the all star basketball player owned the disease, and created a very productive career around it.
People were very impressed in how well he managed his life, and how many different things he was able to do with the illness. It was almost like it wasn’t even there.
Well, there is a very good reason why it seemed this way. It turns out that the HIV virus was never there. Johnson released a statement last night, after a doctor threatened to release the truth about his illness.
“I saw my career dwindling, and knew in our day and age you need something dramatic to stay noticed. I couldn’t continue to be a basketball player, so I needed a way to keep my name in entertainment.” said Johnson
“I didn’t mean to hurt anyone by doing this, and the love and support I got means the world to me. I wasn’t ready to leave the spotlight, and I felt this was the only option I had to stay in the eyes of my peers”.
Bruno, who seemingly had no idea of the events occurring, sings happily well into the ninth day of this concert
RUTHERFORD, NJ – Though the average fan had thought the NFL season had wrapped up, the devoted fans note that halftime performer, Bruno Mars, was still performing days and even weeks after the end of the televised portion of his concert. While many though this was the end of the performance, it was merely the beginning. A diehard group of fans stuck around, and sadly the event staff at MetLife stadium weren’t able to produce the necessary provisions for the estimated 2,500 people there. Reports indicate at least six people died and a handful more are still recovering in a local New Jersey hospital.
The staff at empiresports.co was lucky enough to speak to one of the survivors, Pro-Milkshake Critic, Dianne Hansen, who had these harrowing comments: “The staff stopped showing up to clean the restrooms, it quickly became a Zoo, the Superbowl was on Sunday, I’d say by Wednesday the field was just stricken with feces and urine. I mean, don’t get me wrong listening to Bruno for literally hundreds of hours was well worth it, and it’s a shame so many people died.”
A spokesperson from the NFL, Darrell Stephens was spoken with, he released a statement saying, “While we are horrified and shocked at the brutality and death count of this concert, what the hell were these people thinking staying at this concert for so long? What did they eat?”
Stephens did raise some interesting thoughts, for that we dug into security tapes of the field. You can see early on that people began as you may expect, they first exhausted the stadium vendors, quickly moving to wild birds they had trapped. However, once the birds wised up the humans reacted in a way that appears to be ripped out of some sort of Stephen King film or what one might come to expect from a starving wagon circle in the Oregon Trail in the 19th century: they began resorting to cannibalism. Happily we report the youngest victim of these horrid crimes was only 19, so no minors were eaten alive.
Bruno Mars, the performer, seemed to not take any notice of it when pressed by our crack squad of journalists he merely said “Jesus, they were ——- eating each other out there? I knew they sounded weird. Weird and like, really, really hungry. Oh Christ not again my publicist is gonna chew my — out.”
Fans who did survive the melee and violence vehemently asked the writer of the story to include the fact that despite the gore, feces, and death the concert was great.
“Seriously, on the 8th day he did a version of ‘Wanna Be A Billionare’ like you couldn’t believe. Two thumbs up!” -Barbara Sands, Spanish Language Enthusiast
“Despite the fact I can’t get the taste of human blood out of my mouth, it was a excellent show. I gained a lot of respect for Bruno.” -Barney Lyon, Alexander Hamilton Impersonator
“Though around the 6th night there was a tiny bit of a lull, he really rebounded, day 11 was my personal favorite. I mean my mother was eaten alive on day 6 so maybe that marred my memory a bit.” -Aaron Fransisco, Welcome Mat Maker
PLEASANTON, CALIFORNIA-
