Tag Archives: Dana White

John Cena To Make Debut in the UFC This Fall

June 25, 2014 JP Leave a comment

Las Vegas, Nevada –

One of the most popular wrestlers in the WWE has decided to take the next step in his career. John Cena, a both a fan favorite and one of the most hated men in wrestling today, will be stepping away from the entertainment ring, and heading to the real fights of the octagon this fall.

It has been announced that Cena has been training for a mixed martial arts fight for awhile, and after Dana White gave the approval, a bout was instantly scheduled.

It is unclear who he will be facing but sources have said not to expect his first fight to be against any “All-Star” UFC fighter. Cena reportedly got the idea from fellow wrestler and one-time UFC star Brock Lesner, but fans and insiders alike are already questioning if he can handle taking on real fights.

“Cena is very prepared. He knows these are real badass fighters throwing real punches and kicks.” Said Dana White. “He’s not taking this lightly. I mean, he probably is going to get his ass handed to him, but at least he knows what’s coming.”

Cena did speak to the press, but was very unclear about his wrestling future, he appeared more concerned about his upcoming fight.

“I’m going to beat this dude so bad he is going to wish that the fight was fake like wrestling. I’m sick of people making jokes that what I do is fake, and I can’t hold my own. This is to prove that I’m a real fighter, and can take it and give it, 100%. They won’t even see me coming.” said Cena

It has been rumored that Cena may fight Kimbo Slice in his first bout, but nothing is on paper yet. The only thing that has been floating around is a poster by a promoter for the UFC. The poster mocks Cena, with the slogan of “Watch Kimbo Get His Career Back As Cena Loses His.”

The WWE still has Cena under contract, and has not commented on how often Cena will still be featured in their matches, but a schedule of a UFC fighter can be pretty time-consuming. It fair to assume that Cena will be dividing his time between the squared-circle and the octagon come this fall.

Headlines, MMA, News

UFC Approves Barb Wire Octagon In Certain Countries

June 2, 2014 kctinman Leave a comment

LAS VEGAS– In a move that is meant to boost its TV ratings, the UFC has stirred up some major controversy as well. Dana White announced this morning that they have gotten barb wire Octagons approved in certain countries. The cages will be lined with sharp barb wire, like is used to contain cattle and goats. He stated that there were several countries that are on board with the new, more dangerous UFC cage fights. Some of the notable / infamous countries are North Korea, Somalia, and Zimbabwe. The countries which are going to allow the barbaric cage fights all meet two requirements from the UFC; be basically lawless and need revenue.

White’s reason for upping the ante on the danger level of the MMA fights is simple. “We want to grow the sport, period. The best way to do that is to make fights available in more countries across the globe, and make them more exciting. Barb wire Octagons will draw fans from the worst places on earth. We have to provide next level blood lust,” said White.

Dana White has made it no secret that the UFC wants to take away some NFL fans who are put off by the new safety conscious football league. Even if he is successful in pulling in only 2% of NFL fans who are fed up with the pussification of pro football, that would mean billions of dollars over time.

Getting this new Octagon designed has not been without its challenges. Obviously, you cannot have these types of fights in the USA or any civilized country for that matter. And finding a good company to construct such cages meant to trap two human combatants, has proved difficult, as no reputable company wants to be connected with this activity. Ultimately Haliburton took on the contract for the UFC. Also, former WWE superstar and master of the barb wire match, Mick Foley, has been the main consultant on the cage design. The UFC wanted an expert to make sure the Octagon was designed properly and that referees were properly trained, all to ensure maximum damage was possible to each fighter.

White did an interview over the phone with Bill O’Reilly concerning the barb wire UFC fights. O’Reilly asked a poignant question of the UFC President, “People are saying these new matches are inhumane and furthermore that you are perpetuating the notion that the UFC is basically human cock-fighting. What say you?” “Don’t give a fu*k,” White said before ending the interview and hanging up.

We will have to see how this all plays out. While it is true that the NFL is becoming softer than soccer, I am not sure that barb wire UFC battles are the answer. The ratings will determine what wins out in the end. Will fans go for the reduced violence of the NFL or will they turn their attention to the bloody battles of UFC barb wire matches in the darkest corners of the earth?

Headlines, News, UFC

Joe Rogan To Fight In The UFC

May 24, 2014 JP Leave a comment

LAS VEGAS, Nevada –

One of the favorites in the UFC community is stepping away from the microphone and heading into the octagon. According to sources within the UFC, Joe Rogan will be taking center stage in an upcoming UFC bout.

According to Rogan, the fight was scheduled due to a challenge by an un-named fighter.

“Basically, this fighter called me a bitch and said I wouldn’t step in to the ring,” said Rogan in an interview on Saturday afternoon. “So I convinced Dana [White] to let me fight and now I’m going to show this guy who the bitch is.”

Since the beginning of the UFC Rogan has been there in support, and even traveling with the organization before the company blew up. He cashed in a few favors with Dana White and now the fight is set to take center stage.

“There is a reason we have Joe on our team here in UFC, he isn’t just a personality, he is a great fighter with knowledge about the sport,” said White.

“I feel bad for the dude that called him out, because I promise Joe will knock the living shit out of him. He’s going to wish he challenged Joe in his other show Fear Factor rather than going into the octagon with him. I know I myself would rather eat a bull testicle then take a kick to the face from Rogan.”

Dana White has yet to make an official comment for the fight but it is expected that he will within the next week. A date for the event should be set sometime after.

Headlines, MMA, News

Ronda Rousey Pregnant, Still Plans to Fight During Pregnancy

May 22, 2014 JP Leave a comment

Riverside County, California– One of the most feared females in the octagon has some huge news coming to her fans. The female UFC Champion Ronda Rousey has announced that she is in fact pregnant.

The 27 year old UFC fighter has made it to the top of the fighter world, win after win. She put the female chapter of the UFC on the maps, and still to this day is undefeated. On top of all of that she is a complete heartthrob, which she gets a lot of attention for.

All of these things may be the reason why she has decided to continue to fight, even though she is pregnant. A move like this may get frowned upon by her fans, and Dana White has not giving a comment on the new announcement, and if he will even allow this to happen.

In the meantime Rousey has made it very clear that she will be doing everything in her power to fight while with child.

“I can see the dangers in it, but I am very good at protecting myself,” said Rousey.

“I’m the champ for a reason, and it is my choice to step into the ring or not. Nothing can hold me back here to be honest, I’m at the high point of my career, and I don’t have 9 plus months to fade away in the fighting world.”

Rousey has not made it clear who the father of the child may be, but rumors are floating that it may belong to UFC President Dana White. The two have been spotted at a lot of different events, and rumors of the two secretly dating have been around for several months.

Headlines, News, UFC

UFC Trying To Attract More Female Viewers, Staging Nude Fights

April 28, 2014 whoisgrimm Leave a comment

LAS VEGAS, Nevada –

The UFC, the largest mixed martial arts promotion in the world, announced on Sunday that they were going to be starting an off-shoot of their main UFC bouts wherein all the fighters would compete nude.

“Since its inception, the UFC has always been a “man’s-man” kind of sport. Violent, bloody, and definitely not bringing in the female viewers.” Said Dana White, president of the Ultimate Fighting Championship promotion. “We know that women are normally turned off by violence, but we also know that what women are turned on by is naked men with six-pack abs grabbing and touching each other, rolling around on the ground, and that’s where the idea for our new spin-off league comes from.”

The new all-nude fights will not be part of the regular rotation of fights currently happening in the UFC, but they will feature all the same fighters competing. The fights will all be held under the banner of the UNFC, or the Ultimate Nude Fighting Championship, because if nothing else, the UFC is completely uncreative. All the fighters will have to compete at least once every six months in this new league if they want to maintain their current contracts with the UFC.

“We have decided, too, that the fighters will not be paid any extra for their time fighting in the UFNC. We pay them enough now, with most of our top guys earning millions of dollars, that this is just something we’re going to edit into their contracts to force them to do. The take-home purse will still vary depending on the matches. In the end, it’s all for the good of the sport.” Said White.

So far, most fighters who have been made aware of the new spin-off fights are all for it.

“It’s been my dream to fight naked!” said Benson Henderson, former UFC Lightweight champion, and current #2 ranked lightweight fighter in the world. “You get into the ring, and you’re dancing all around, looking for the perfect opportunity to smash the other guy in the face…the only thing that could make that more freeing would be if I didn’t have to deal with those pesky shorts!”

Male fans of the UFC took to Twitter and Facebook after the announcement, and were not happy with the idea of their favorite badass fighters having to fight nude.

“This sh*t is retarded. They making Cerrone fight with his d*ck out now #UFCWTF” said Twitter user @BigFahkinCack, referencing fighter Donald Cerrone, another lightweight contender in the UFC.

Not all social media posts were bad, with an astounding portion of female sports fans (naturally) all for the idea. Twitter user @SuperWetNHorny said “It’s about time they took the rest of the clothes off those UFX (sic) fighters. #BowChickaWowWow”

“We knew as soon as we announced these massive changes that we were going to be dealing with a social media firestorm from our regular male viewers,” said White. “but we also know that in the end, the men will still have their fights, and now the women can have theirs – and never the two shall meet.”

So far there has been no announcement to any card lineup for upcoming fights, although the UFC did announce that the first official UFNC pay-per-view would be held in May. No word currently on whether UFC will eventually spin their women’s MMA division intonude fights, but men everywhere are holding their breath in anticipation.

Headlines, MMA, News

Movement Seeking Teen Mom Fight With Rousey Gains Momentum

April 21, 2014 kctinman Leave a comment

LAS VEGAS—

It seems like there is a new fight possibility for UFC champion Ronda Rousey each week. It was just a few days ago that the ridiculous idea of her fighting boxing champ Floyd Mayweather was making the rounds. That story was intriguing but never really had a chance to happen. No way Mayweather would get in a ring of any shape to fight a female, even though Rousey is perfectly capable of defending herself against any man. It would have been a no win situation for Money May. If he loses he is disgraced, and if he wins, what honor is that for a man beating up a woman?

This new possible opponent for Rousey would be a win-win for almost everyone on the planet. The talk is heating up due to support in the sports world as well as the pop culture world. The opponent that is being pushed toward the Rousey camp, as an exhibition fight, is Jenelle Evans from MTV’s Teen Mom 2. For those few who are unaware of the MTV reality show, it basically shows the lives of multiple teenage moms navigating their way, mostly unsuccessfully, through society. Jenelle is possibly the most hateable character on the show. I only say “possibly” because her own mom is on the show and is a monster of epic proportions with a voice that makes one contemplate where such humans could originate. So many people would like to punch Ms. Evans in the face that it’s a lock that those same people would pay $60 to watch Ronda Rousey do the dirty work for them.

Ronda Rousey does not need a fight like this. Clearly she would destroy Jenelle as quickly as the champ desired. Ms. Evans definitely does not need a fight like this, even though she does enjoy brawling with her contemporaries in the white trash community. Jenelle’s only motivation for fighting a killer like Rousey would obviously be the cash. There would be a pile of it on the table and the teen mom usually needs some bail money for her repeated run-ins with the authorities. She often times even fails drug tests during court when she knows the tests are coming. So maybe the biggest hurdle to this fight actually becoming a reality, is Jenelle’s mental stability. I am not sure if the sanctioning body of Nevada allows crazy people to engage in MMA fights.

The biggest pay off for this cage match between Rousey and Jenelle Evans would go to the American public. The USA has seen some tough times in the last six or seven years. The economy is still a grind and our young generation appears to have no direction or motivation. This PPV fight could bring in half a billion dollars if it is promoted properly. Even more importantly, it could show kids that hard work and having class actually pays off. It would be a battle between good and evil in my eyes. Good, being Ronda Rousey, who with hard work, discipline, respect for her craft, and a drive to be something better, has reached the top of her profession. Evil, being Jenelle, who with no talent, no work ethic, no self control, no motivation, and no clue, has somehow risen to a small level of fame. Seeing ‘good’ pummel ‘evil’ into a bloody mess would be good for the young generation in the USA. Maybe it would wake them up from the false promise of government checks, reality TV idiocy, and possibly get them off the couch to find a job or hit the gym.

Headlines, MMA, News

History is Made With the First Male Vs. Female UFC Fight

April 21, 2014 JP 4 Comments

Chicago, Illinois-

One of the most entertaining, hard hitting sports, is bringing another aspect to the octagon that will have fans freaking out. The UFC runs a tight ship when it comes to there professional fights with weight classes, referees, and measures to make sure that their fighters are as safe as possible, even though it is their job to beat each other up.

The question is will their next stunt be one to break them or make them? it has been announced for the first time ever in UFC history that a male fighter will be facing a female fighter in months to come. The fighters have yet to be announced, but the contract is a go, and the fight will take place in Chicago, Illinois.

“I’ve seen the female fighters really making some great moves in the octagon, and the ratings for their fights have been going up, and up since we started that branch of the UFC.” said Dana White

“My team and I have decided to take it to the next level, and see if some of these ladies can compete against the men. If all goes like planned the first Co-Ed fight will take place in Chicago.”

Rules and regulations will be switched up for the fight, to make sure that neither fighter will get hurt, or hurt the other opponent to the point of serious damage. A few names have been spoken, but the official bout has yet to be determined, or at least made public.

“I’ll tell you one thing, if a female fighter knocks out a male fighter, it will prove that women belong in this sport. I watch some of my girl fighters, and I am blown away by there fighting skills, so when the idea was pitched to me I had no hesitation to go ahead with the bout.” said White

Headlines, News

Floyd Mayweather To Buy Boxing

April 21, 2014 kctinman 1 Comment

LAS VEGAS—

Don’t be confused by the headline. Money Mayweather is not buying a boxing gym, boxing promotion company, or a fight venue. He is buying boxing itself. It may sound crazy, but Mayweather is super rich, and boxing has virtually no value at this point. It is like a billionaire investor buying penny stocks. Most likely the stocks will not pay off since it is so high risk. But when they do, it is a windfall of cash.

Mayweather is one of only a few boxers who has been able to remain financially sound. Most fighters end up broke and very desperate. They usually try to sue Don King when they realize how bad their finances are at the end of their careers. That desperation move rarely pays off and the boxers stay poor. Floyd Mayweather has been smart enough to be the promoter of his own fights, instead of letting people like Don King get all that money.

The idea to buy boxing as an entity, came to Floyd as he was watching a documentary on the UFC. He could not believe how sound the business model of the UFC was, compared to his sport. Todd Dale, a spokesman for Mayweather told us, “Money May knows it is a matter of time before boxing is completely destroyed by the various sanctioning bodies, corrupt judges, and greedy promoters. Once he buys the sport, he will get rid of all that junk. He has the power to do it too…you know he keeps a private jet!”

Mayweather has said in past interviews how much he admires and respects UFC president Dana White. He apparently plans to run boxing in a similar fashion as White. “There will be actual quality fights, just like in the UFC, once Floyd owns boxing outright. No more pathetic match ups that cost $60 to watch on PPV. Of course this plan will take effect after Money May is no longer an active fighter. We can’t have him caught up in a quality fight. Who knows how that would go,” stated Dale.

In a related story, there is also a rumor going around that Mayweather will buy the old Evander Holyfield mansion in Atlanta. A rapper recently bought the 109 room obscenity, but it looks like the future owner of boxing is going to make him an offer he can’t refuse. It is thought that the mansion will be used as a storage building for Mayweather. One man’s unaffordable estate is another man’s storage locker. The difference is likely the 52 children by 44 women in one of the fighter’s case.

Headlines, MMA

Joe Rogan Fails Drug Test; Suspended By UFC

April 15, 2014 kctinman 1 Comment

LAS VEGAS, NEVADA—

Stand up comedian and UFC fight commentator, Joe Rogan, has been suspended by the UFC for failing a company mandated drug test. The UFC has long tested the fighters, but just recently started the testing process for all employees and sub contractors. Rogan has been a part of the UFC since 1997 & has received much acclaim for the broadcast work he has done for UFC fights. Rogan has been suspended indefinitely and his temporary replacement will be Chael Sonnen.

This news is quite peculiar, as Joe Rogan is a very outspoken proponent of marijuana. He hosts a very popular podcast on which he adamantly supports the legalization of the drug, and regularly gets high in preparation for the show. Mr. Rogan went on Twitter to comment about his suspension, saying it was really ridiculous and he hoped it would be straightened out soon. “There was no need for a drug test, I told them I ate some pot brownies a couple hours before the testing. They wasted their time”, tweeted the former Fear Factor host. We reached out to the Rogan camp and spoke with a Brian Redban, who produces Rogan’s podcast. Redban, a very relaxed stoner himself, stated that his boss was going to be just fine if the UFC never called him back to work at all. “Joe has so much money, it is insane dude. How do you think we get to do a three hour podcast everyday? It ain’t magic SON! We are flush with cash, Joe just loves MMA so it is a labor of love for him.”

I for one, hope this is resolved quickly. Mike Goldberg and Joe Rogan make up one of the best tandems in sports commentary today. It is odd to think that a stand up comedian could be the best choice for play by play MMA action, but Rogan is great at his job.

**Update** Dana White has just announced that the UFC will no longer test for marijuana. White released a statement saying, “The UFC will continue to test for steroids and other harmful drugs like meth and cocaine. But we are going to use common sense and discontinue testing for pot. Joe Rogan is reinstated immediately. That means right fucking now! By the way, the suit that had the bright idea to suspend Rogan, has been fired”. This is great news for fight fans and the UFC. Perhaps the US government and other corporations should take note of this decision. It is bad to think that Dana White is the only voice of reason here in the USA.

Headlines, MMA, News

UFC Fighter Caught Taking Heroine Before Match

April 4, 2014 IamShado Leave a comment

LAS VEGAS, NEVADA—

An amateur MMA fighter is making the headlines with a very poor decision he made while fighting in a prelim for the UFC. Mark Evans a name you’ll soon hear a lot about, got caught using heroine before a match earlier this week.

Evans with a record some may say isn’t UFC worthy, got a lucky chance to show his stuff in front of some big names of UFC, for a chance to fight under their lights.

Before the match took place Evans said he needed a minute to focus after being checked by the referee, and was gone for about 5 minutes before his trainer went looking.

When found, the trainer described Evans as fired up, and had a glaze to his eyes he had never seen before. Evans took to the ring, and when the bell rang he attacked like an animal.

“He came out like a beast, and we thought for a minute this kid could be really good” said Dana White

It wasn’t until Evans began bleeding from his arm did the match get called.

Once the match got called Evans got furious throwing chairs and challenging anyone to a fight. It was at this moment the Evans trainer explained that he had suspicion that Evans had taken some type of drug before the match.

“I wanted to see my guy fight, I knew he was on something, but this was a great chance for him to show his skill set.” said Evans trainer

Referees continued to search Evans belongings, and found a bag of heroin and a fresh needle.

“You worry about our fighters taking steroids, but never would you think a fighter would do something along these lines” said Dana White

Evans will not be given another chance to fight in the UFC in the near future.