ANAHEIM, California – 
In an announcement this morning from the Anaheim Ducks’ general manager Bob Murray, the team has decided to part ways with current head coach Bruce Boudreau, and is seeking to replace him with a curious choice – actor Emilio Estevez.
The Anaheim Ducks started as a franchise in 1993, then known as the Anaheim Might Ducks, after being founded by the Walt Disney corporation. Disney, who later sold the team, based their club around their 1993 children’s hockey film The Mighty Ducks. In the film, Estevez plays a drunken lawyer who is (curiously) forced to perform community service as a pee-wee hockey coach after being arrested for DUI. Like most Disney sports movies, the rag-tag group of kids all eventually come together to win The Big Game in the end. Estevez, of course, learns the value of sportsmanship, and the credits roll.
Apparently Estevez acting as a hockey coach makes him the perfect candidate to coach the real Ducks now.
“Over 20 years ago, Emilio Estevez showed the world that he could be an amazing hockey coach when he played Gordon Bombay in The Mighty Ducks series. He turned a bunch of misfit kids into a team, and that team went on to beat their rivals and win the championship. Then he did it again the following year when the movie version of the Ducks took on teams from all over the world.” Said Anaheim owner Henry Samueli. “We want Mr. Estevez to come on board as the coach of our real Ducks now, and take them all the way to a Stanley Cup championship.”
Estevez, who is a lifelong hockey fan, has no real experience coaching a team, professional or otherwise. In response to the offer, Estevez did say he would ‘consider the job.’
“I have never coached in my life.” Said Estevez in a statement released to the Associated Press. “I played a coach a few times. I’ve played a lot of things, from cops to criminals, to coaches, to a buns-taping jock in the Breakfast Club. As far as I recall, this is the first time anyone has ever offered me a job based on a role I once played. I would be a fool not to consider it.”
As part of the change, the Ducks are also going to be altering their name, reverting back to The Mighty Ducks, which they are now saying should never have been changed in the first place.
“We miss the name, we miss the ‘mighty.’ We definitely miss winning games. It’s been a few years now, so we’d like to have that happen again.” Said Ryan Getziaf, current team captain. “If Emilo Estevez wants to give up his long-forgotten Hollywood career to come and coach us, then that’s fantastic. I’ve always wanted to learn the triple-deke.”
Fans of the Anaheim Ducks had no comment, because no member of the press could find anyone admitting to caring about the team.
