Tag Archives: Clippers

67% of Prostitutes Still Willing To Date Donald Sterling According To Poll

empire-sports-donald-sterling-whores-prostitutes-money-v-stiviano-rich-survey-dateLOS ANGELES– A new poll out this morning shows some appalling results when it comes to morals in America these days. According to the phone survey conducted by Griffen Brothers Polling Stats Inc, a whopping 67% of whores would still date disgraced Clippers owner, Donald Sterling. The NBA owner was outed as an alleged racist and a general douche bag by TMZ recently. He was seemingly set up by his “assistant”, V. Stiviano, who recorded Sterling’s rant about her being photographed with black guys.

The poll was taken in light of the obvious nature of V. Stiviano’s sketchy relationship with the 80 year old Sterling. Stiviano is only 31, so I don’t need to elaborate on her reason for hanging with a guy who is half a century her elder. I don’t need to elaborate, but I will anyway. She is a whore lacking in morals, who has sex with super rich guys in the hopes of obtaining a portion of that wealth at some point in her disturbing future, allegedly.

The upsetting poll results show just how far many whores are willing to go to hit the lotto of old man pleasuring. One anonymous groupie from the ATL, told the pollsters that she did not care if Sterling was a racist. “All I care about is that cash homie. If I cared about morals, do you think I would be rubbing up on guys older than my great grandfather,” she stated. Another slut from Miami was quoted as saying, “If the worst thing that NBA owner did was say he disliked black people, then I am ok with that. He is a billionaire, so short of him killing a close member of my own family, I would still date him. And by date him, I mean have sex with him. And on a regular basis.”

There was a time in America that whores had a code. That time is gone forever I am afraid. Only 33% of responding harlots had the pride to take a stand against racism. That number will continue to dwindle until there is not one upstanding whore left in this great nation.

Donald Sterling Shocks World; Asks V Stiviano To Marry Him

empire-sports-donald-sterling-v-stiviano-proposal-marry-engagement-weddingLOS ANGELES — In a move that is likely just a ploy to remove his new status as a racist and a moron, Donald Sterling has asked V. Stiviano to marry him. As a side note, I am kind of tired of seeing this young lady’s first name listed as “V”, as if she is a mega celebrity in need of only a single letter to represent her. Even Elvis and Michael Jackson did not resort to such arrogance and they were two of the most famous people in the history of the earth. Anyway, Sterling proposed to her this weekend at a private retirement party at his home hosted by himself.

Several public relations experts see this marriage proposal as simply a way to rebuild Mr. Sterling’s image. “Marrying the an interracial woman, as opposed to simply using her for disgusting sex, might make the public think Mr. Sterling is a decent guy. The public usually sees through this kind of trick and they likely do not hold this “V” person in high regard anyway.”

I am not sure Sterling realizes he can just go get another young lady, aka whore-like female, who can replace this “V”. There is no need to marry this particular alleged harlot. But he is old and likely losing his mental faculties, along with his NBA team. It is not hard for a billionaire to find the company of a hot young temptress. So what if everyone hates him and thinks he is a racist? The racist thing is new, but people have hated this guy for a while.

In a side story, Sterling is in talks to buy a pro soccer team overseas. It seems like a perfect fit, as soccer may be the most racist sport left on earth, besides NASCAR. Soccer fans would not be offended by anything Sterling does in the future. And it won’t be long before he says something stupid in the presence of an audio recorder once again, I am guessing.


Donald Sterling Hires Johnnie Cochran JR As His Lawyer

empire-sports-donald-sterling-oj-simpson-johnny-cochran-legal-law-courtLOS ANGELES, CA-

In a move right out of OJ Simpson’s play book, disgraced Clipper’s owner, Donald Sterling has hired Johnnie Cochran JR to battle the NBA for his team. Cochran JR is the son of famed legal legend, Johnnie Cochran, who worked his magic for OJ when he had some minor issues involving a butchered ex-wife and her associate. Sterling hopes Cochran JR, who is known in legal circles as “Junebug”, can use some of his old man’s racial card tricks to help Sterling keep his NBA team.

Junebug is not quite at the level of his dad, but has earned quite the reputation for twisting up the court cases he has been involved in so far. He is a civil lawyer so Sterling can use his expertise, because the NBA has basically booted his allegedly racist ass right out of the league. The NBA is going to try and force the sale of his team as well. Before that happens, Junebug will have his say in court. And he knows how to say quite a bit when he is on the courtroom floor. If you thought his daddy had a way with words, you have yet to see anything. This young player in the judicial game has more rhymes than a Bible has Psalms, to quote House of Pain. Little known factoid, JR was the one who came up with the “if the gloves don’t fit, then you must acquit” phrase that destroyed the government’s case against OJ. He was twelve at the time, so he has some serious game.

According to sources, Sterling hopes to use the old, “I have lots of black friends move”, to show he is not racist after all. Junebug is said to also be crafting a gameplan that points out over and over again that the Clippers owner is having sex with his half African-American, half Mexican girlfriend multiple times per day. They truly believe that should be proof positive that Sterling is all for diversity. We asked a Sterling spokesman whether that gameplan would make the team owner look racially diverse or just look like a creepy old white guy who is into hot interracial chicks that enjoy his money. “Oh no. Those two are clearly in love and have lots in common with each other”, we were chided by the spokesman.

One thing is clear, the NBA will have a fight on its hands now that Junebug is involved in the case. Sterling has not spent the past twenty years cheating people, underpaying coaches, and discriminating against low level employees, allegedly, only to be brought down by TMZ. JR released a statement moments ago that could have the NBA shaking in their boots. “At no time on the TMZ audio recording did Mr. Sterling use the N-word. So clearly he is not a racist. No N-word, guy’s not a turd”. We we go!

New Donald Sterling Tape Released; Sterling Calls Black People 3/5th Of A Person

empire-sports-donald-sterling-vanessa-stiviano-adam-silver-racist-rant-blacks-audio-sex-tapeLOS ANGELES-

Just hours after NBA commissioner Adam Silver announced a lifetime NBA ban of Donald Sterling his girlfriend, Vanessa Stiviano, twisted the knife a little deeper as she released yet another audio tape in which Sterling can be heard saying that he thinks black people are only 3/5th of a human.

If there were any doubts that this old geezer was a full blown racist, this new tape will surely put those to rest. Some of the things that can be heard on the new audio are simply unbelievable.

Anyway, you can listen to Donald Sterling’s latest rant in it’s full glory here:

Blake Griffin Calls Creationists ‘Idiots’

empire-sports-blake-griffin-creationism-god-religionOAKLAND, CALIFORNIA-

After causing waves with a revealing Rolling Stone interview in which he seemed to endorse Young Earth Creationism, Los Angeles Clippers star Blake Griffin is not only backtracking, he’s bitch-slapping the very idea and the people who actually believed it.

”After that whole I slapped Justin Bieber thing, it seems people are gullible enough to believe anything,” Griffin commented after Tuesday’s practice. “So I thought I’d just casually throw it out there that I actually think the world is only 6,000 years old.”


Sure enough, the national press ran wild with it, and although some publications implied Griffin may have been joking (he does, after all have a really great, dry sense of humor), most people took it at face value. Griffin slammed that theory home like one of his monster dunks.

“You would have to believe that carbon testing is fake, dinosaurs were put here by Satan to test our faith in God, and that nut job Ken Ham is a good alternative to actual, peer-reviewed science,” said Griffin, as he took a swig of Red Bull, “I mean, I may be a jock, but I’m not an idiot.”

Griffin, who has continued his stellar regular season play right into the playoffs, wasn’t done with his rant, denigrating the citizens of Memphis in the process, a city where the Clippers played their last two Playoff series and where Creationism is taught in schools.

“Memphis was a cesspool of ignorance,” he continued, “I’m from Hollywood. I’ve got the brains! And I’m glad we’re playing the Warriors this year in the friendly confines of Oracle arena with the diverse, educated, cultured citizens of the Bay Area. Even though we despise the Warriors and refuse to have pre-game chapel with them. By the way, I go through the motions with that too. I mean, clearly, God is dead.”

In a related story, Blake Griffin recently claimed to be the reincarnated soul of Andy Kaufman.

Blake Griffin Admits He Is Albino

empire-sports-blake-griffin-admis-albino-whiteLos Angeles, California-

One of the most exciting players in the game has a confession that will either shock you, or make sense. The 6’10 power forward has admitted this week that he is an Albino American, and isn’t going to hide in the shadows anymore. Even though if he is an Albino maybe the shadows aren’t the worse spot for him, seeing how the sun can really leave a burn mark for pale people.

Griffin made the announcement after a team mates continued to insult him about his pale complexion. The tainting must have triggered an emotion in Griffin, as it is clear that he has been hiding this secret for several years now.

“It doesn’t matter how many top 10 plays I have on ESPN, people who not stop bothering me for the fact that I was extremely pale in there eyes” said Griffin

“I got to a point were all I wanted to do was beat the hell out of any one that made a remark, and that isn’t my style at all. I decided to admit to being Albino finally, because I felt the bullying would stop, and I’d get some piece of mind. So far people have been extremely supportive, and I am glad I made the call to tell my peers about who I really am” said Griffin

With news of Griffin being Albino sponsors, and NBA officials have been contacting him off the way. Since the announcement Griffin has picked up sponsorships with sun screen, umbrella, and hat companies all over the nation.

“It tough to be a white guy in the NBA, and to some how be whiter, then white I know I have a long journey ahead of me, but I’m willing to take the trip. Just as long as it isn’t to long sunny out.” said Griffin


Kobe Bryant Files For Divorce After Finding Clippers Jersey In Wife’s Closet

empire-sports-kobe-bryant-files-for-divorce-clippers-jerseyLOS ANGELES —

“I know I messed up in the past, but a Clippers jersey? That’s worth me f**king at least two white women,” said the four time All Star MVP Kobe Bryant to TMZ cameras while storming from his home in Los Angeles.

Kobe Bryant returned home Sunday night to find that his wife Vanessa hid a clippers jersey in her closet given to her by the team owner.

“I know its petty, but so is Lebron not cutting off the rest of his hair,” said Kobe referring to the critics that he says will attack him for leaving his wife of 1 years over a jersey, but says its the principle of it. “That headband ain’t fooling nobody Lebron. We still see it.”

Kobe refused to name the player whos jersey he found in his wife’s closet, but did say, “His last name rhymes with Pippen, but he ain’t black and that n**ga will never play with Jordan.”