LAS VEGAS, Nevada –
One of the favorites in the UFC community is stepping away from the microphone and heading into the octagon. According to sources within the UFC, Joe Rogan will be taking center stage in an upcoming UFC bout.
According to Rogan, the fight was scheduled due to a challenge by an un-named fighter.
“Basically, this fighter called me a bitch and said I wouldn’t step in to the ring,” said Rogan in an interview on Saturday afternoon. “So I convinced Dana [White] to let me fight and now I’m going to show this guy who the bitch is.”
Since the beginning of the UFC Rogan has been there in support, and even traveling with the organization before the company blew up. He cashed in a few favors with Dana White and now the fight is set to take center stage.
“There is a reason we have Joe on our team here in UFC, he isn’t just a personality, he is a great fighter with knowledge about the sport,” said White.
“I feel bad for the dude that called him out, because I promise Joe will knock the living shit out of him. He’s going to wish he challenged Joe in his other show Fear Factor rather than going into the octagon with him. I know I myself would rather eat a bull testicle then take a kick to the face from Rogan.”
Dana White has yet to make an official comment for the fight but it is expected that he will within the next week. A date for the event should be set sometime after.
editor’s note: This bit of satirical comedy is currently posted with an “unconfirmed” status.
SAN ANTONIO, TX—
Hundreds of men eagerly lined up outside of a WNBA practice facility in San Antonio, Texas this morning after a very interesting challenge was issued by San Antonio Stars player Becky Hammon via her Twitter account on during the night.
It didn’t take long before basketball courts all around San Antonio were packed with men practicing their jump shots. Even a court near a retirement home in a wealthy suburb of San Antonio elderly men were seen chucking up shots from their wheelchairs.
“I haven’t had a BJ in 37 years!” said Joseph Goldsmith, a 82 year old retired postal worker. “I would have smacked a priest for a BJ but now I hear all I have to do is throw a ball in a hoop a couple times!”
The comment was removed from Twitter this morning but that hasn’t stopped men from continuing to line up to cash in on Hammon’s challenge.
Los Angeles, California—
In a shocking move by the once popular & now apparently insane R&B artist Kayne West, he has openly challenged Anderson Silva to an MMA fight. We are not sure what prompted this decision but we can only guess that it has a lot to do with Mr. West’s 15 minutes of fame quickly running out and his diminishing mental faculties. The pressure from being married to a reality TV skank and being hated by 94.6% of the American public can put a lot of mental stress on a weak minded guy like Kanye.
Anderson Silva is still recovering from an awful leg injury in his rematch with Chris Weidman. Silva’s lower leg basically fell off and he was been rehabbing ever since the surgery that followed. We talked to Silva via skype yesterday and asked if he was seriously considering taking the fight. “My leg has only recovered about 60% but since we are talking about a guy like West who is basically a little b*itch that holds a mic for living, I think I will take the fight”, Silva said smiling. Anderson went on to say he would donate his pay from the fight to a charity that can help prevent kids from growing up into a mega douche bag like Kayne West. “American children have been subjected to Kanye West and his in-law reality TV family for too long. Maybe this fight can raise some awareness of the growing problem of people like Kanye and company getting public attention that allows them to suck the intelligence right out of the American people”, Silva stated.
If Dana White does actually make this fight happen it could be the biggest UFC pay per view ever. The crossover between pop culture and MMA would generate a ton of media coverage. And even though Silva would basically be fighting one good leg I believe the end result would be a chalk outline of Kanye in the Octagon. I’m not talking about metaphorically dead, I mean he would not be alive anymore in reality. You see Kanye West is a tough guy when he is berating TMZ type reporters or snatching a mic from a 98 pound Taylor Swift. But it would be a different story when he is locked inside a cage with maybe the greatest fighter in the history of this planet. Hopefully this fight does happen soon. I would love to see it and the economy would get a boost from the PPV sales. Most importantly the viewing public would get a morale boost from seeing a terrible person punched and choked into oblivion.
Miami Florida –
Lebron James the basketball hero. Rodgers the best arm in the NFL. In the ultimate showdown, this is just too good to be true. Don’t we all hope they get that one on a good TV station. Yet the best news is all the proceeds are going to charity. Here is what James posted on Rodgers Twitter.
“Hey, I know you have been known for having an awesome deep ball, and being super accurate. How about we try a little charity event, and see who is the real master shooter. I am game if you are.”
Rodgers later posted “Sounds fun, but if you lose you got to come on one of our discount double check commercials. Then send the check to charity. Discount double checking to charity.”
James then responded with “Oh, how about win or lose I come on that commercial, and discount double check to charity. Though if I win, you have to be my personal water boy. Both for the commercial and one of our games this season.”
Rodgers then came back with “Oh if you want play it that way? If I win you have to be my personal water boy on the discount double checking to charity commercial, and in our home opening game.”
James then sealed the deal with “Oh, this is so on. All we need now is to find a good date to set the event.”
After a few back and forward messages they plan to hold it sometime late spring to early summer. The time is not all the way set but you can bet this will be one epic event.