Washington, DC—

The Washington Redskins have decided to change their name due to pressure from Indian rights activists and President Barack Obama. Roger Goodell announced today that he had received a call from the President stating “It would be in the best interest of our country to do what’s right for the many and not for the few.”

Goodell said that he was aware of the problem being first and foremost on his agenda. He asked what the President thought would be a politically correct name for such a storied franchise. “Oh, you are a franchise?” Yes Goodell responded. “How can you be a franchise if you don’t pay taxes?”  “We have smart accountants” Goodell replied.

Goodell went on in his 10 minute conference to elaborate what they had decided to do. “I made a deal with the devil to get this thing over with. The deal included a 25 year tax exempt status for all players, teams and anyone working for us as long as the Redskins name is changed.”

Goodell was in a quandary discussing the name change. “What do you think it should be?” Goodell quipped.  They discussed the location, background, history of DC. They decided to put it up for a vote of the people and by the people. There will be 10 names to choose from and the people will decide the out come.

Potential monikers:

1. Washington Monuments

2. Washington Liberals

3. Washington Tomahawks

4. Washington  Scalpers

5. Washington Cherokees

6. Washington Chiweppas

7. Washington Headhunters

8. Washington Mudslingers

9. Washington Idoits

10. Washington Brownshirts

Goodell ended the conference stating that he also received a summons from PETA for using animal team names.