New Study Shows That There Are Zero Milwaukee Bucks Fans

A stadium (half) full of pitiers and people there ironically
A stadium (half) full of pitiers and people there ironically

MILWAUKEE – According to a brand new study commissioned by the NBA, the Milwaukee Bucks professional franchise does not claim even one single fan. The study, which took polls and survey’s from all across the country and concluded that nobody, not even the players families can call themselves a true fan of the team.

Even people that were at the stadium watched the games said things like:

“Oh god, these guys? Yeah it’s cool and everything but we’re here mostly because we feel bad. If we don’t watch them, who will?”

“Honestly, the only reason I come is because the concession stand in row 108 is unbelievable. Seriously, go try those chili cheese fries you will not be disappointed.”

One question that was used as a paramater was simply, “name a single player on the Milwaukee Bucks roster” Here were some of the responses:

Season ticket holder Jerry Ramon said, “Christ, on the spot? Uhh we just traded for a guy, maybe his name is… It begins with a B I swear, Bryan maybe, Bryan? Is there a Bryan?”

NBA Analyst Doris Burke provided this answer, “I have no clue. Truthfully, if you wouldn’t of reminded me there was a team in Wisconsin I would’ve never, ever, EVER, remembered.”

Even Bucks General Manager Jeff Hammond was hard pressed to think of a player on his team, “We drafted somebody this year, I was just at his house for a barbecue too… Real nice guy. I can see his face but I can’t put a name to it. Nope, sorry.”

When we finally got ahold of NBA Commissioner David Stern’s office to ask about possible relocation, a spokesperson gave us the following statement:

“While we understand that there are cities out there like St. Louis, San Diego, Baltimore, Cincinnati, and of course Seattle, that could do a much better job with a franchise, we wouldn’t want to burden anyone with the pure boredom that is the Milwaukee Bucks roster.”


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