LOS ANGELES, CA-
After suffering the worst defeat in franchise history Los Angeles Lakers owner Jim Buss stated that the team will consider a move back to Minnesota.
The Lakers were blown out 142-94 by their crosstown rivals the Los Angeles Clippers Thursday and it seems as if the ownership has thrown in the towel.
“There are two main factors as to why we are doing so poorly this season,” Buss said in a post-game interview. “They are the players and the coach.”
When asked is the management and ownership had anything to do with the team’s nosedive Buss replied, “Hell no. My daddy built one of the greatest sports franchises in history and my sister is dating the greatest coach this game has ever seen. How could we be responsible?”
After drinking several shots of Old Grand-Dad bourbon in front of a disbelieving press corps, Buss hinted the he may move the team back to Minneapolis, Minnesota, the team’s original hometown.
“There is too much pressure to win in this town. Just ask Dwight Howard,” he said. “Hell I might as well move the tram back to Minneapolis. Those fans would appreciate us.”
When asked if he was serious or if it was the bourbon talking Buss responded, “Hell yes I’m serious. We would be gods over there. Do you know how desperate Minneapolis is for a professional sports team? They’re snowed in half the time. We could go 0-82 and still sell out every game. And the best part is that I wouldn’t have to give away free tickets to a d-bag like Justin Beiber.”
The Lakers are currently experiencing one of their worst seasons in franchise history. Kobe Bryant and Steve Nash have been hurt and have missed most of the season. This leaves the team with only one All-Star caliber player in Pau Gasol.
Gasol has had an ongoing feud with head coach Mike D’Antoni and it has been rumored that one of them will not be back next season.
When asked about this Buss said, “I hope neither of them come back. That would save me a lot of money. Do you know how much some of these players make? It’s incredible.”
At this point Jim Buss started mumbling incoherently, climbed on top of the press table and passed out. As the reporters filed out it was reported that Buss mumbled, “I should have traded Dwight when I had the chance.”