Iowa Loses Wrestling Match; Panic in Iowa City

9635566It’s mayhem in Iowa City. The chaos is everywhere. Stores have been looted and homes have been robbed. The crisis is spreading across the state too.

While Iowa fans were out drinking to celebrate their momentous basketball win over perhaps a national championship caliber Northwestern, a wrestling match was being shown on the Big Ten Network that pitted Iowa against Minnesota. Naturally Iowa had to win, no?

Except, Iowa didn’t win. They lost a 19-15 (uhh… how is wrestling scored?!?) duel against Minnesota. This wouldn’t normally be a bad thing, as the Golden Gophers are ranked number 3 in the land in wrestling. Iowa fans, however, apparently don’t see it that way. In an interview with some dude who is out in the streets of Iowa City, it was said “We’re Iowa. We don’t lose in wrestling. Since we did, this must be the end of the world.”

We also interviewed a man who owns a small pawn shop in downtown Iowa City. In his statement, he said, “This happens every time Iowa loses a wrestling meet. Hell, it happened earlier this year when Iowa lost to Penn State.”

Because of the constant scares that sweep the state following a wrestling loss, White House officials have begun to consider the idea of kicking Iowa from the union. Apparently Obama no longer wants to send armed troops into Iowa City to clean up the mess.

No word on why Iowa State followers have joined in the madness, but this reporter thinks that they are simply celebrating a rare basketball win.

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