PLAINFIELD, IN—

The National Labor Relations Board of Indianapolis ruled that the football players at Plainfield High School are employees and can unionize.

“This is a proud moment for our team and for our school,” said starting quarter back Chase McGavin.

The approval came after several weeks of deliberations by the Board, which took into account that the football team generates significant amounts of funding for the school through ticket, merchandise, and concession stand sales.

Sources confirmed that the Board also heard the personal accounts of several injured PHS players whose college playing hopes might now be weakened or even eliminated, forcing them to enter higher education without football.

“We give so much to this school. I think it’s time that we get something back,” said Mr. McGavin, who is receiving a free public education, ongoing guidance from a team of coaches, continued support from physical trainers, and the love and admiration of the entire school.

Final reports showed that, upon paying the high school players, Plain Field High School was forced to cut the funding for the football team’s state-of-the-art weight room as well as the entire swimming, gymnastics, wrestling, tennis, cross country, volleyball, water polo, badminton, and cheerleading team.