Dwayne Wade Seen At Cryogenics Lab

empire-sports-dwyane-wade-cryogenics-lab-death-life-retireMIAMI, FL—

Things have been going swell for the defending, two time NBA Champion, Miami Heat this year. They do not have the best record in the NBA, but they are hanging around with the top level teams. The best player in the league, LeBron James, is healthy and rolling, so what do Heat fans have to worry about? Well, I am not one to freak out, but if I were a Miami season ticket holder I might hit the panic button right about now. It seems that Dwayne Wade, who is not older than dirt, but was born only a few days later, was spotted at a Miami Cryogenics laboratory today. For you non scientist types, Cryogenics is an emerging medical technology of preserving humans with the intention of future revival.

It is anyone’s guess how Wade got it in his head that he needed to visit a facility that freezes humans who have passed away and seek a possible “cure for death” in the future. If I were betting, I would put my cash on Pat Riley. He is just slick enough to talk players into anything, even a veteran all star like D-Wade. Riley will do anything for another NBA Title, even if that means testing a crazy technology on his star guard.

The 32 year old guard has had some injury problems the past three years, but he is not an 80 year old millionaire desperate to hang on to life, like most Cryogenics clients. That said, at times Wade does seem like he is leg-weary and ready for a rocking chair. We managed to get a phone call into the lab that Wade was seen visiting and spoke to a receptionist who signed Wade into the facility. She stated that she wasn’t privy to the entire consultation between the Heat hall of famer and the Cryogenic engineers. But she did overhear the engineers explaining to Wade that the lab only froze dead people and trying to freeze a living being would likely just kill said being. Apparently Wade was of the opinion they could just freeze him for the rest of this regular season, then “thaw him out like a rib-eye steak”, so he could be rested for the playoffs.

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