Donald Sterling Hires Johnnie Cochran JR As His Lawyer
In a move right out of OJ Simpson’s play book, disgraced Clipper’s owner, Donald Sterling has hired Johnnie Cochran JR to battle the NBA for his team. Cochran JR is the son of famed legal legend, Johnnie Cochran, who worked his magic for OJ when he had some minor issues involving a butchered ex-wife and her associate. Sterling hopes Cochran JR, who is known in legal circles as “Junebug”, can use some of his old man’s racial card tricks to help Sterling keep his NBA team.
Junebug is not quite at the level of his dad, but has earned quite the reputation for twisting up the court cases he has been involved in so far. He is a civil lawyer so Sterling can use his expertise, because the NBA has basically booted his allegedly racist ass right out of the league. The NBA is going to try and force the sale of his team as well. Before that happens, Junebug will have his say in court. And he knows how to say quite a bit when he is on the courtroom floor. If you thought his daddy had a way with words, you have yet to see anything. This young player in the judicial game has more rhymes than a Bible has Psalms, to quote House of Pain. Little known factoid, JR was the one who came up with the “if the gloves don’t fit, then you must acquit” phrase that destroyed the government’s case against OJ. He was twelve at the time, so he has some serious game.
According to sources, Sterling hopes to use the old, “I have lots of black friends move”, to show he is not racist after all. Junebug is said to also be crafting a gameplan that points out over and over again that the Clippers owner is having sex with his half African-American, half Mexican girlfriend multiple times per day. They truly believe that should be proof positive that Sterling is all for diversity. We asked a Sterling spokesman whether that gameplan would make the team owner look racially diverse or just look like a creepy old white guy who is into hot interracial chicks that enjoy his money. “Oh no. Those two are clearly in love and have lots in common with each other”, we were chided by the spokesman.
One thing is clear, the NBA will have a fight on its hands now that Junebug is involved in the case. Sterling has not spent the past twenty years cheating people, underpaying coaches, and discriminating against low level employees, allegedly, only to be brought down by TMZ. JR released a statement moments ago that could have the NBA shaking in their boots. “At no time on the TMZ audio recording did Mr. Sterling use the N-word. So clearly he is not a racist. No N-word, guy’s not a turd”. We we go!