Category Archives: Other Sports

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Manny Pacquiao and Floyd Mayweather Set to Fight

June 26, 2014 JP Leave a comment

Miami, Florida-

Two of the highest paid athletes in the world are all set to meet glove-to-glove in the ring. There have been rumors of this fight happening for several months, and after all the drama, the contracts, and the disappointments, fans can finally prepare themselves to see these two settle it in the ring.

The high profile fight truly began to take shape last year, when friends of Mayweather began mercilessly teasing him, claiming that he would never take a fight with Pacquiao because he knew that he would lose. Apparently, Mayweather took this as a challenge, a blow to his ego that rattled his cage enough to agree to get in the ring.

“I’m not afraid of anyone.” says Mayweather. “I will step in the ring with King Kong himself, and I’d whoop that monkey’s ass, too. They say money can’t buy you happiness, but I tell you what- I’ll feel extremely happy when I get the extreme amounts of cash from this fight purse. In no way shape or form will Manny be able to stand toe-to-toe with me.”

It appears that Mayweather has it in his head already that the fight is in the bag, and he should breeze though it as if it was just any punk off of the street. This may or may not be the case, but in Pacquiao’s eyes the outcome of the fight will be completely different.

“I’m going to punch him in the face until he can’t get up.” said Pacquiao, being as literal as possible in his description of the fight. “Then when he is down, I will laugh in his face. Floyd is useless. Wait and see. All his money, it won’t be able to save him in the ring. Maybe he can use $100 bill to wipe away the blood and tears.”

“Blood and tears? That sonofa—. You know what I’ll use that $100 bill for?” Said Mayweather in response. “I’m going to use that $100 bill to buy a box of tissues, because they’re way softer than money for wiping away tears. Also, I’ll expect at least $98 in change from that $100, and I’ll put that back in the bank. Can’t be too careful in this economy.”

The full fight card has not yet been announced, but the pay-per-view event is scheduled for the end of August, and will be held at the Sands Casino in Las Vegas.

News, Other Sports

2014 ATP World Tennis Tour To Be Played Using Nintendo Wii

June 26, 2014 JP Leave a comment

Paris, France –

A new angle will be added to this years ATP World Tennis Tour. After years of the “same old thing” when it comes to tennis matches, the ATP have decided to use technology to liven up this years tour.

The ATP reported that starting this year their World Tour will be played via Wii Sports Tennis, and all of their competing athletes will have to participate or will be disqualified automatically. The new event was created to bring a fun, familiar technology into the old sport, and also to prevent weather, fatigue, and injuries from stopping a match.

“It is very difficult to watch a match go on for hours, and then be postponed due to weather, or nightfall.” Said ATP representative Joe Goldsmith. “It will take time to get used to it, but I’m sure that people will really enjoy the new format over time. We have begun to lose rating dues to matches being to long, and not being finished that day, or raining on the court, that sort of thing. This is our best option here – a Wii can be stored in a dry place with lighting, and every professional tennis player has to be good at Wii tennis right?”

When asked if he thought that maybe it would be a better decision to just schedule the matches in well-lit, domed stadiums instead, Goldsmith said that the ATP wants progress, not just a place to play.

“We’ve been holding these tournaments for decades, and can anyone in this room even tell me the name of tennis player that isn’t named Agassi or McEnroe? Federer or Williams? I didn’t think so.” Said Goldsmith. “This Wii tournament, it will make the audience even more excited, because as soon as the games are over, they can start their our tournament on their consoles, right there in their living room!”

Tennis pros themselves seem to be ambivalent about the changes, and most are just happy that they are still going to be making extreme amounts of money for playing one of America’s least-favorite sports.

“At least I’m not a golfer,” Said Venus Williams. “My God, then nobody would know who I was.”

Nintendo of America, the company behind the Wii, is said to be a key sponsor in the tournament, and are donating as many Wii consoles as the ATP requests, and are also setting up the equipment for play, including the 80″ hi-defintion televisions that will be used at each event.

News, Other Sports

PGA Announces First Mini-Putt Masters

June 12, 2014 JP Leave a comment

Charlotte, North Carolina –

The PGA has set up many tournaments over the years for golfers from all over the world, facing each other at several different golf courses. In some sports nothing really changes over time except for advancements in equipment and techniques, yet you never see the format of a game switched up.

Golf is often touted as a boring sport, and the Professional Golfers Association is all too aware of that stigma. In other sports, viewers get high-paced plays, exciting touchdowns, or hard-hitting violence. Since golf brings in none of the action, the PGA has decided that they needed to spice up their plays, and bring some “youth” viewers and players back to the game.

“In September, a new chapter will be added to the PGA tournaments; the first ever Mini-Putt Masters™ is all set to take way in Charlotte, North Carolina!” Said Jim Carroll, president of the PGA.

The decision was made by the board members of the PGA to make the game of golf more exciting, adding trick shots and faster course play, just like a day of mini-golf that every family has experienced at one time or another. They felt that watching a guy walk 200 yards after each shot, as often happens in televised golf events, would make people switch the channel. This new, faster-paced, more energetic tournament was designed to “keep the viewers watching.”

“We are extremely excited to have out golfers out there, putting their way through this exciting tournament.” Said Carroll. “We’ve got trick holes and water traps, slides and loop-de-loops. It’s going to be the most exciting tournament the PGA has ever sponsored!”

Rumors about the prizes for winning the Mini-Putt Master have already begun to circulate. The first place winner will receive a large stuffed animal, a free ice cream sundae, and get to take home their neon-colored golfball. Second place winner will receive a free round on their next trip to the Mini-Putt Masters. Third place will feature a button that says “I Hit Par In The Mini-Putt Masters!”

Headlines, News, Other Sports

Jay-Z Buys California Chrome for $55 Million

June 8, 2014 kctinman Leave a comment

LOS ANGELES — A rapper and a race horse is not the normal combination in today’s sports world. Not until today, when mega rapper and business mogul, Jay-Z, purchased California Chrome. Mr. Z reportedly paid over $55 million for the Kentucky Derby and Preakness winner. This is great news for the horse racing industry, as they have been seeking some diversity for a while now. Having a rapper who also happens to be black could really open up the sport for an entirely new demographic.

Chrome’s former owner, Steve Coburn, told us while sobbing (his natural state), “I hated to sell the animal, but it is hard to say no to a double nickel in millions. And it is the best thing for horse racing. Our racing community has been pushing to get a rapper involved in ownership for a long time. I could not turn down the chance to give our sport an ethnic boost.” Coburn drew some heat after his horse won the Preakness, saying that the Kentucky Derby hospitality was not what it should have been. Selling a possible Triple Crown winner to a rapper who also owns part of an NBA team, should get him back in the good graces of the Derby crowd.

In a press release, Jay-Z stated he was happy to be a part of such an accepting sports community. “I could not be happier about the reception I have gotten since the news broke. My fellow racehorse owners have welcomed me with open arms. There was the text from Bob, the old white guy with silver hair. The call from Stan, the other old white guy with silver hair. And the email from Connor, the other old white guy with silver hair. These guys have been very supportive.”