Category Archives: NFL

NFL News

Super Bowl 50 To Be Played in Ireland, NFL Fans Outraged

Belfast, Ireland – empire-sports-super-bowl-50-to-be-played-in-ireland

The location for the 2015 Super Bowl has been announced today and it is not receiving the applause that NFL officials thought it would. The next super bowl will be held in Belfast, Ireland, as a way to attempt to widen the fan base that the National Football League has in the world.

Stunts like this have been done before, such as Notre Dame playing college football games in Ireland, and the ratings that came from those games were outstanding. The NFL has attempted the same approach, but with such a big game, and with many fans not able to travel to see it in person, people are not happy.

“So I have to travel to a far away land to see a game that is already extremely expensive to watch?” Said Derek Paul, a fan who was planning on attending the Super Bowl this year for the first time.

Reports speculate that their may be some hidden ties here that we are un aware of.  Geoff Silver, a commissioner of the NFL, also happens to have some businesses in Ireland, and rumors have surfaces, alleging he is doing this for sponsorships and more money.

“I have heard the rumors and that is not the case.” Said Silver. “This has nothing to do with me. This was decision of the entire NFL committee as a whole.  We just want to broaden our horizons a bit, and have this special game somewhere besides the United States. On top of that, have you ever tried O’Malley Whiskey? It’s smooth as an Irish river and makes you feel like a warm summer day.”

So far no sales or sponsorship has been made for this upcoming Super Bowl with the exception of one,  O’Malley Irish Whiskey. It is unclear at this time who the game will be played for live, as most Americans will not be able to afford the travel, and the Irish don’t generally follow American football.  

Aaron Hernandez Escapes From Prison During Routine Hospital Trip

Bristol County, Massachusetts – Empire-Sports-Aaron-Hernandez-Breaks-Out-Of-Prison-During-Hospital-Trip

Ex-tight end and current felon Aaron Hernandez is on the run from the law, after managing to get past a prison guard while checked into a a local Massachusetts hospital earlier this week. Hernandez held a good spot on the New England Patriots before being charged with murder. He steadfastly proclaimed his innocence during the investigation, but with so much evidence pointing to the contrary, the jury found him guilty.

It has been reported that Hernandez was complaining about stomach pains for months and begged security guards to take him to an actual hospital off prison grounds. After several weeks of hearing Hernandez cry in pain, they set up a date to visit a local hospital by the prison for a routine check up.

While in the hospital Hernandez made his move and escaped the officers on the scene. Still on the loose, police are baffled to where he could be and how this even happened.

“From my knowledge there was four officers watching him and he was cuffed to the bed. I don’t know how this happened” said the chief of Bristol County, Joseph Goldsmith.

News of Hernandez being free has brought shock to people, but excitement for some die-hard Patriots fans.

“I hope he is smart and gets some plastic surgery for his face. He could come back and play as someone completely different. We need him on the field, not in prison.” Said Archie Sellers, a die-hard Patriots fan.

Reluctantly, the guard in charge of watching Hernandez during the hospital visit admitted what had actually happened, and how Hernandez was able to escape.

“We were in a hospital not a prison, there was no bars to hold him back. He came at me fast did a studded step, then a swim move, and finished me with a stiff arm. He is fast as hell and looked like he was running for a hail mary pass as he flew out those hospital doors. By the time I got outside he was gone, nowhere to be seen.” Said the guard.

Anyone with information on Hernandez’s whereabouts are encourage to contact their local police department.

 

Stephen Colbert Injured In Airport By Marshawn Lynch

empire-sports-stephen-colbert-marshawn-lynch-injured-airportLOS ANGELES– One of America’s favorite comedic political figures was injured at LAX on Saturday, when Stephen Colbert was knocked down by Seattle Seahawks running back Marshawn Lynch. The beloved host of “The Colbert Report” tore his groin muscle due to the incident, which by all reports was accidental. According to eye witnesses, Lynch was a in a big hurry as he sprinted through the terminal, when he suddenly cut back to his right. That is when he ran right over Colbert, and never even slowed down. “Lynch headed to a snack shop and grabbed up like seven bags of Skittles,” Becky Lewis, a fellow traveler, told us via Skype. He got his candy and went right back to his run toward his plane. I guess he was running late, but I hate to see that poor comedian get bowled over like that.

Colbert is recovering nicely at his home in New Jersey and will miss no time on his highly rated Comedy Central show. We were only able to do a text message interview with Colbert as he is quite busy. “I am going to be fine and I have no hard feelings against Marshawn Lynch. I do have a problem with these Skittles however. If they can cause a grown man, an athlete at that, to go berserk and crash into people just to get to the sugary treats, we have a problem. With my nation of worshipers, we are going to boycott the candy until they go belly up. We live in an age of truthiness, and we are going to let the truth be known about this addictive treat,” Colbert told us. The comedian said that he believes the Skittles are the next thing to Meth and cannot believe they remain legal, much less over the counter. He also stated that he has done a bit of research since his groin injury and found out that Skittles were used in some nuclear testing in 1952. He declined to elaborate, but said that he would release more information in the coming days as the boycott gets rolling.

Lynch heard about the incident, which he never even noticed, as his lust for Skittles temporarily numbed him to outside stimulus, like running over a comedian. The running back went to Twitter to apologize to Colbert then threaten him moments later. “Sorry bout the beast mode trucking I accidently put on u dude.” “Best drop this boycott of Skittles tho bro. Messin w/ wrong candy,” tweeted Lynch. We will monitor this situation and see what occurs over the next week. We can only hope for some reconciliation between the two parties and the candy in question.

Seattle Seahawks’ Richard Sherman Arrested After Berating Police Officer

Seattle, Washington – empire-sports-richard-sherman-arrested-berating-police-officer

Seattle Seahawks’ corner back Richard Sherman is in the spotlight again, but this time it isn’t for a great play, or slamming an opposing team. One of the best defensive players in the NFL today has found himself off the field and behind bars after an argument with a local police officer on Wednesday evening.

Sherman is known for his cockiness on the field, and a vocabulary that can only be described as “trash-talk.” His passion on the field often carries over to the after-game interviews, and he is the type of player Seahawks fans either love, or love to hate.

Despite his reputation for attitude within the NFL, witnesses to Sherman’s altercation with a Seattle police officer were shocked by his behavior.

“It was like he just picked off Peyton in the Super Bowl, and ran it back for a touchdown or something. His cockiness was at an all time high!” Said Curt Johnson, a bystander to the incident.

Sherman’s problems arose when a police officer witnessed him jaywalking, and gave him a warning not to do it again. The officer later admitted that he wasn’t so much worried about the jaywalking law in Seattle, but the fact that it was a busy street and Sherman could have been hurt, as several pedestrians have been hit by cars in the same area over the last few months.

“He asked me if I knew who he was, and I said of course, I’m a huge fan.” Said Patrolman Mike Stephens. “[Sherman] then continued to say, ‘Then you know that I own [expletive] Seattle, and any [expletive] street I want to cross I can, no matter where I decide to [expletive] cross it.'”

Stephens apparently tried to apologize, and explain to Sherman that he was just doing his job, and that Sherman’s celebrity status in the city did not give him the right to curse anyone.

“He told me that I was a terrible police officer, and said I should just go eat some [expletive] donuts.” Said Officer Stephens. “He went off on me about how he was doing better in life than I was, and said that I shouldn’t even watch a Seattle game again, because I didn’t deserve to witness the ‘greatness’ that was him on a football field.”

Sherman was arrested and charged with jaywalking and disorderly conduct towards a police officer in the course of his duty. Representatives for Sherman could not be reached for comment at press time.

Kellog’s Releasing Cereals Featuring Branded Sports Teams

BATTLE CREEK, Michigan – empire-sports-kellogs-releasing-sports-team-cereals-mascots-breakfast-bars-kellog

When it comes to sports related cereals, General Mills’  Wheaties cereal has always been the #1 contender. They have been putting sports teams and individual sports stars on their boxes for generations. The Kellog company is looking to change the face of the sports-food world though, as this morning they announced a new line of cereal and breakfast bars featuring branded sports teams.

Kellog’s has said they are hoping to finally steal the spotlight away from General Mills and their Wheaties cereal, turning kids on to something “more fun” to eat and “with way more taste.”

“We don’t believe that the cereal you are eating should taste like the box it comes in, and that’s why were are creating this new line of sports-releated cereals and breakfast bars.” Said James Jenness, chairman of the Kellog Company. “We know there are other cereals out there making money off sports stars, Olympians, and certain teams, and they’ve created a monopoly on it. We’re tired of it. We want our cereals to be great tasting, fun to eat, but also to have great sports heroes on every box for the kids to look up to and learn about.”

Jenness says that the boxes of the cereals and bars will all have branded sports teams covering all major sports leagues, including BOSOX-Os (Boston Red Sox, MLB), MAPLE LEAF MUNCHIES (Toronto Maple Leafs, NHL), PACKER POWER BARS (Green Bay Packers, NFL), and WORLD SERIES WONDER PUFFS (New York Yankees, MLB), to name a few. So far, most of the major teams in each sport have signed off on use of logos and player likenesses.

Each box will contain sports stats on the team and history of some their most famous players. Also on each box will be a QR code that can be scanned with any smartphone which will take you to a Kellog’s website with even more information on the team, options for purchasing apparel, tickets to upcoming games, and coupons for use on future purchases of other cereals in the new sports line, dubbed K-Teams.

“We wanted to take breakfast and jazz it up, and we really feel we’ve accomplished something great with K-Teams. I’m really excited for everyone to be able to try these new cereals and bars. They’re really great. Collect them all!” said Jenness.

The entire K-Teams line of cereals and bars are scheduled to be released in the fall of this year.

Washington Changes Name From Redskins To Natives

Washington, D.C. – empire-sports-washington-redskins-change-name-to-natives-racism

Washington, D.C. NFL team the Redskins have always had one of the most controversial team names in sports history. There have been the people who support it, and the people who hate it. The positive was that the name tries to give honor to the people whose ancestors were settled here first. The negative is that the name is ridiculously offensive, using a derogatory slang term for an entire race of people as a sports team. It is because of this division amongst fans that Washington has decided to unveil a new name that they hope will bring the two sides together. The franchise owners have decided to change the name from Redskins to Natives.

“We did not think we could ever find a name that would allow us to part with the name Redskins.” Said Dan Snyder, majority owner of the team.  “Then one day the name Natives popped into my head, and I knew it would work. It was brilliant. The new name will even allow us to keep the same logo. It is only the moniker that is changing. Because we understand this is a big change for fans, we will be working on a date and time where anyone who recently purchased Redskins gear can exchange it with us for Natives merchandise of equal or lessar value. We take care of our fans. Go Natives!”

The team name change will take effect starting in the 2015 season. If you do happen to have any Redskins merchandise, you may want to hold onto it for now. It’s very possible that with many people making exchanges on merchandise, Redskins memorabilia could become rare and skyrocket in price. If you are looking to exchange it, check the official Natives website for dates and times of exchange.

New NFL Rule Makes It A Penalty To Touch Quarterback

empire-sports-no-hitting-qb-nfl-ruleDENVER, Colorado–

The NFL has taken on a wide new series of rules, and regulations to provide the safest game for their players. Even using new technology to create better equipment to provide a safer game has been going on for the past few years. With the new rules we have witnessed flags for hits that use to be okay, and people getting fined for playing the way they were taught how to play.

With the concussion controversy it was clear that at some point the National Football League would take the step in this direction. Starting the 2014 season it will be a 15 yard penalty and possible ejection if a defense player even touches the opposing quarterback.

The rule was put into place to protect franchise QBs from getting hurt and not being able to play. The officials have decided that a hurt QB can end a season for a team, and owners felt that losing a high salary player would be a tremendous waste of team money.

The new rule will be called “Touching the Passer” and even the slightest bit of contact will draw a flag. Classes have already begun in Denver, Colorado for NFL referees to learn what is okay, and not okay when dealing with touching the passer.

“Basically you can’t even touch the QB, your only hope is to chase him out of bounds” said an NFL ref.

“Once the QB is being pursued he has to either throw the ball or take a slid. I’m not positive how many QBs will take advantage of this new rule, and just run for 80 yards, but I feel like it will be a lot”

The rule has been sent to each team in the NFL, and certain teams are already tuning up their play books, a lot of quarterback keeps may be in our future.

 

Tom Brady To Pose Nude For Playgirl Magazine

empire-sports-tom-brady-poses-nude-naked-playgirl-playboy-magazineBOSTON, Massachusetts-

Heads up ladies, and some men that are still in the closest, one of the most praised quarterbacks in the NFL has just singed a multi-million deal. The talented, and handsome Tom Brady, QB for The New England Patriots has just announced he will be doing a cover shoot with the magazine Playgirl. Brady has had a very successful career on and off the field, winning multiple Super Bowls, and being a piece of eye candy for several super models.

Now, we get to see Brady in a way we never had before, completely naked. The New England QB is excited for the chance to show his fans the true Brady, and people are thinking that this will either break or make his career. Brady career may literally be hanging in the balance, if the shoot doesn’t go the way that the magazine is planning, then this could be a career ending move for him.

“I mean he is a handsome dude so ladies are going to by a lot of copies. That being said if Tom comes up with a 4th and inches in his trouser it could kill his career. There  will never be enough Super Bowl rings that can fix an ego after showing the world you have a small penis.” said a local Patriots fan

“I don’t even follow football, but I would train my entire life, go to college, get a starting spot as a center, hope to get drafted by the Patriots as a center, just to have Tom’s hands between my legs.” said one crazy lady

The issue is to be released in the late fall with people already reserving copies to the issue. Will a sack be a QBs worse enemy once again? Only time will tell.

 

 

Denver Broncos Cornerback Marquice Cole Overdoses on Marijuana

DENVER, Colorado –

empire-sports-marquice-cole-marijuana-weed-overdose-denver-broncos-coloradoControversy arose today in Denver, Colorado, as NFL Cornerback Marquice Cole of the Broncos became yet another  documented case of overdose on the recently legalized drug marijuana.

Marijuana, commonly known by its street name “weed,” was made legal in the state of Colorado in 2012 when Colorado Amendment 64 was passed through the state legislature. On January 1st, 2014, the first legal “weed shops” were opened through the state to much controversy. Since then, several people throughout the state have overdosed from smoking large amounts of the drug, and there are at least 2 confirmed deaths in relation to smoking, and even  eating, marijuana.

The Amendment in Colorado allows for any person over the age of 21 to have and grow up to 6 “pot plants” at any given time, as well as to use it recreationally themselves, or give it away to someone else over the age of 21. It is similarly regulated as alcohol, but slightly more so – it is not legal to consume in public, although it is fined and ticketed in the same way when driving under the influence of marijuana as it would be for alcohol.

Cole has stated that he was not a user before the law was passed, but as soon as it became legal and easy to get, it was all he was doing in his off time.

“It’s hard, when you’ve got as much money as us pro-athletes do, not to spend that cash somewhat…unwisely, at certain points.” Said Cole from his hospital room in Benchley Memorial Hospital, just outside Denver. “I bought cars and normal things, but as soon as weed became legal, and people were doing it all the time around me, I started spending my money there. It was crazy how much I was buying.”

Cole stated that a friend first offered him marijuana, and he instantly became hooked, a claim that most people who try weed have reported. Cole started visiting multiple dispensaries throughout the day to buy as much as he could, purchasing the legal limit at each shop, as well as spending money on “how-to” books, and materials needed to grow in his own home. He claims that before he overdosed, he was smoking upwards of a pound or more in a day.

There is a common public misconception that you cannot overdose on marijuana, but as many doctors and specialists are quick to point out, that claim is invalid, as evident here with Cole.

“It’s sad, really, that people think you can’t get ‘too high.’ That you can’t overdose. It can happen if you’re smoking enough.” Said Dr. Emmett Brown, who is specialist at Benchley Memorial dealing with drug addictions and overdose cases. “Usually we see cocaine or heroin abuse amongst athletes and celebrities, but there is no doubt that someday the puff-puff-pass could make you end up in the ER.”

“If I had it all to do over again, I would probably cut back a bit.” Says Cole, who is expected to recover from his overdose, albeit with several weeks of physical therapy. “This might have ruined my life. It might have ended my life. It certainly will be putting a huge damper on my career.”

So far, there has been no movement by the Colorado government to repeal the law, despite mounting pressures from activists and anti-marijuana crusaders throughout the state, as well as the rest of the country. Cole himself hopes that his ordeal will make people think twice before getting hooked on marijuana.

“It’s dangerous. It’s addicting. It almost killed me,” said Cole in an impassioned speech to reporters and fans. “I wish I’d never tried it…[and] to any kids out there, just know, that no matter what they say, a drug is a drug – and it can ruin everything.”

As of this writing, no word on whether Cole will face any suspensions or penalties from the NFL

Canadian Football League Introduces Metric Football Field

MONTREAL, Canada – empire-sports-CFL-metric-field-magenta-changes-canadia-football-league

Football fans watching the Canadian Football League games starting in the 2015 season will see a few changes related to the field of play.

CFL officials are citing these changes as “improvements to the game,” and will start with a complete alteration to the size of the playing field – They will be introducing the world’s first and only metric football field. The customary 110-yard long field will change to 110-metres which is 120.2 yards. The 20-yard end zones increase to 21.8-yards (20-metres) and the field width will change from 65-yards to 71-yards (65-metres).

Other alterations coming to the CFL include a change in the color of the grass from green to magenta (hot pink), with the lines and markings on the field changing from white to brown. League officials claim the color changes will make the game easier to follow on live television and will not interfere with various forms of colorblindness.

“What a crock!” Stated a representative from the players union. “The changes have nothing to do with the fans. The league has been pissed off at players filing grievances during the off-season regarding the distance they run in an average game.”

CFL officials stick by their plan to make the game more fun for fans with vision problems, and explained it in a news release with the statement: “The Canadian Institute for the Blind has endorsed these enhancements and fully support the CFL in leading the way in addressing these issues.”

Former Toronto Argonaut running back Michael “Pinball” Clemons agrees with the CFL union, saying the white- on-green combination has always been the recognized standard in the world of football. “These horrible colors the league is trying to use do nothing more than ‘gay up’ the game. As for these distance changes, clearly the CFL does not want any more records set or broken.” Clemons currently holds a number of those records. “It is a sad day for football when you have to try to figure out where your 30-metre line seat is and why the players are on their fourth down with centimeters when they should be on fourth and inches.”

There has not been a statement made by the union representing the CFL officials, although Clemons speculates that “…The only blind ones on the field are the officials, and colors aren’t going to fix that.”