COLLEGE STATION, Texas—
Two days in April is right around the corner, and for some future NFL all stars these days will be the first step into their incredible careers. A lot of high grade talent is coming out of the draft this year, and coaches of the NFL will be in a dog fight to get the right players for their squad.
One name is that is being tossed around is Johnny Manziel, an all star quarterback from Texas A&M. We all know who Johnny Football is, and what he had done in his college career. He was an exciting player to watch on and off the field, but now it seems that all the attention he had gotten for his fast paced life may be getting to him.
Talks of even Manziel dropping from the draft completely have been floating through the air. With a great college record you can’t blame the guy for thinking he may not be fit for the National Football League.
“College was a blast, and playing for Texas A&M was incredible” said Manziel
“Everything seemed to have gone right for me in college, so I began to grow an ego, and you know the rest. What I fear now is that my crazy attitude may effect the way I play, and I might not even make a team. I mean have you seen NFL players? There huge! I can’t go around scrambling for 30 yards they break my legs, and if I mouth off to a ref or a player I can get beat up or fined.”
It isn’t clear if Manziel will drop from the draft or not, but the fear in his eyes tells us that he is shaken hard, also the fact that he was holding his Heisman like a teddy bear can’t be a good sign.
SOUTH BEND, IN—
The luck of the Irish is know all over the world, and The Fighting Irish of Notre Dame know all about how luck can impact a sport. Throughout the years Notre Dame has had its ups and downs in the sport world, but this upcoming football season will be one to watch with quarterback Everett Golson returning after being suspended from the school in which was called “a poor academic mistake”.
With the freshman Golson at quarterback, the Irish completed the regular season undefeated, putting the in the number one spot. Things were looking very good for the Irish until facing Alabama in the National Championship, where they got blown out.
With Golson returning and a very hungry Notre Dame coach Brian Kelly is going to do everything in his power to make another appearance at the big game in college football. Being an Irish coach, Kelly had a bright idea of having a real life Leprechaun added to the roster, to improve their chances, and luck of having a great season.
“We know how hard Leprechauns can be to come across, so we hired special agents to go over to Ireland, and do what ever it took to bring us back a new team charm” said Coach Kelly
It didn’t take long for the special agents to come back with the lucky charm, and Coach Kelly couldn’t be more enthused. He truly feels this will be the deal maker for their season.
“Listen, we didn’t go to Ireland at all, we just stole a red haired midget off the street, and put a green suit on him. Coach Kelly is happy, we got paid, and as long as this little dude keeps his mouth shut everything will be just fine” said the special agent, who wanted his name left private.
When news broke last week that the National Labor Relations Board of Chicago ruled that the Northwestern football team could unionize, everyone knew the shock waves would be felt immediately. When a ruling comes down that threatens the beast that is the NCAA, things are going to get rocky. All the connected schools that profit from the current system and their corporate partners were put on notice that things are going to change going forward. This ruling gives Northwestern players the power to negotiate as a group, which scares the hell out of the powers that be. It also opens the gates for more teams to do the same thing that the Wildcats have done.
One of the powers granted to a union is to file grievances in order to get something they desire as a group, in this case as a team. Everyone knows that eventually they are going to file a grievance to get a salary but that is a long process. So they are starting with smaller grievances, and their first issue they want addressed is the halftime during games. In true union fashion, they need a longer break. They feel like they need a full 90 minute rest between the first and second half. To quote one Wildcat tight end, “I like taking naps whenever possible and 90 minutes would be just right for a power nap. I see city workers taking two hour breaks all over town and they are in a union, so why can’t we do it?”
There are more grievances on the way according to former QB, Kain Colter, who got this union ball rolling. Colter told us, “We have a lot of guys that get banged up during the season so we need more people rotating in and out of games. We are going to seek 40 more scholarship players so we only have to play about 50% of the plays in each game. We need time to chill out, you know?”
Colter admitted that a few players were getting carried away with the grievances. He said that free access to marijuana was an issue high on the priority list of the newly formed union. He had to inform the union members that even unions could not use illegal drugs, especially for free. Mr. Colter was embarrassed to tell us about the strangest grievance, which was brought up by an outside linebacker. “The guy wanted us to have conjugal visits in the locker room before practices. I had to make it clear that we were in a union, not prison”, Colter stated.
The National Labor Relations Board of Indianapolis ruled that the football players at Plainfield High School are employees and can unionize.
“This is a proud moment for our team and for our school,” said starting quarter back Chase McGavin.
The approval came after several weeks of deliberations by the Board, which took into account that the football team generates significant amounts of funding for the school through ticket, merchandise, and concession stand sales.
Sources confirmed that the Board also heard the personal accounts of several injured PHS players whose college playing hopes might now be weakened or even eliminated, forcing them to enter higher education without football.
“We give so much to this school. I think it’s time that we get something back,” said Mr. McGavin, who is receiving a free public education, ongoing guidance from a team of coaches, continued support from physical trainers, and the love and admiration of the entire school.
Final reports showed that, upon paying the high school players, Plain Field High School was forced to cut the funding for the football team’s state-of-the-art weight room as well as the entire swimming, gymnastics, wrestling, tennis, cross country, volleyball, water polo, badminton, and cheerleading team.
Three-star Louisville football recruit Sharieff Rhaheed-Muhammad was arrested Monday on felony charges of lewd lascivious behavior after allegedly impregnating his 14-year-old cousin, according to WPTV NewsChannel 5′s Will Greenlee
Police reportedly obtained a warrant for a DNA sample, which proved with nearly 100 percent certainty that he was the father. The victim reportedly chose to abort the pregnancy.
From Greenlee’s report:
The teen girl’s mother told police she bought a pregnancy test and confronted her daughter in October after seeing her daughter acting strangely. The mother said her daughter began crying, saying she had had sex with Rhaheed-Muhammad.
The girl said she was 11 when Rhaheed-Muhammad began touching her inappropriately. She said when they had sex in June 2013, Rhaheed-Muhammad “did not force himself on her and that it just happened.”
Rhaheed-Muhammad plays linebacker for Fort Pierce (Fla.) Central High School
A spokesperson for Louisville told WPTV that coach Bobby Petrino had been made aware of the situation and, “didn’t care.” Petrino’s response is unsurprising to some as the coach has a history of sexual deviance of his own.
We tried to contact coach Petrino ourselves but he was in the process of interviewing for several open coaching positions and could not be reached.
LOUISVILLE, KY — Last year Lauren Silberman made history as she became the first female participant in an NFL-sponsored tryout. Today, we have reports that we may see the first female to play in the NFL and that female will likely be drafted in the first round of the upcoming NFL draft.
Tamika Bridgewater, AKA Teddy Bridgewater, underwent a successful gender reassignment surgery today at the Philadelphia Center for Transgender Surgery.
Bridgewater, once considered the top pick in the upcoming draft, had seen his draft stock falling steadily in the last few weeks . There’s speculation among experts that Bridgewater’s draft stock could actually improve now as many NFL General Managers fear backlash from women’s rights groups if they pass on Bridgewater simply because of his new gender.
Bridgewater released a statement earlier this morning stating, “This is something I’ve wanted to do for a long time. Since I was a kid I’ve felt like a woman trapped in a man’s body.”
We spoke with Dr. Sherman Leis, who performed the surgery, just hours after the surgery and he confirmed that the surgery was a success stating, “The surgery went very smoothly. The only balls Teddy, er Tamika, will be carrying now will be footballs.”
Fellow players and celebrities have hit to Twitter to share their feeling: