Between X-Games, Australian Open, and Winter Olympics, Fans Exhausted With Sports They Don’t Care About

Fans all across the country have been expressing “fatigue” and “fan overload” with having to cheer on teams and athletes in games they don’t understand simply because they feel obligated.

Guidance Counselor at Fargo Middle School Leo Savage expressed the view of many tiring fans when he said, “I can hardly keep up, first the X-Games all over ESPN at night and the F—– Australian Open all over ESPN2 in the mornings I feel like I have to watch these events, yknow? Those execs at ESPN get paid big money, they wouldn’t put boring sports on the television would they?…. Would they!?”

Surely, it has seemed like the sporting networks have been dominated by sports that only your weird friend from High School and your rebellious cousin who has been living off Monster energy drinks for the past eight years watch.

Echoing the confusion of many fans, Smoothie Stand employee Maria Ramos pondered the following, “Honestly, I thought the X-Games were just apart of the winter Olympics or something like that? They really think there’s a market to play those weird, cold, sports more than just once every four years? Hell, more power to them.”

And as if the three events weren’t already enough for the average sports fan, the perpetual hell that is the NASCAR season is about to start up, so you’re going to be asked about that at your next family gathering by your uncle that insists on wearing long , over-sized, polo shirts with the sleeves cut off.

So the question remains, what is it that keeps the fans watching? In short: American pride. Said professional snow shoveler Barnaby Pepper “All those sports have no teams, they all are representing country.. I think. Unless there is like Tennis Clubs or something. Plus, who is the relevant American tennis player anyways? Is Roddick still around or no? I have no idea. I was waking up at 3 in the morning to watch a sport I couldn’t care less about. God damnit. This point goes to national media. Fifteen-love. See? I did learn something.”

 

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