PACIFIC OCEAN, CARIBBEAN – ![Baby Mermaid Washes Ashore In Caribbean, Proves Existence of Mythical Creatures [VIDEO]](https://empiresportswp-zhh2aue9ot.live-website.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/03/baby-mermaid.jpg)
The National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration (NOAA) has confirmed that a baby mermaid that washed ashore just off of South America is, in fact, a real mermaid.
The creature, the first specimen of its kind to be studied by the agency, washed up on a beach, and was unfortunately already deceased. NOAA officials have said, though, that they had been…
PITTSTON, Pennsylvania –
A woman is facing charges and fines after being arrested Thursday evening at a Walmart store in Pittston, Pennsylvania. Police arrested and charged Holly Fray with grand theft after store employees said that they had seen her walking through the store, sticking food up her…
WASHINGTON, D.C. –
Professor and Chief Scientific Meteorologist, Christian Cumulus, of Louisiana State University, as well as scientists at the National Weather Service of Central Florida, have confirmed the “utmost likelihood” of a potentially fierce storm in the Western Hemisphere, very likely the worst in over 500 years.
Cumulus says that the storm will come to fruition when expected Level-4 Hurricane Escobar and its frigid air counterpart, Winter Storm Uteri, are aligned for a massive collision headed straight for Gulf Shores, Alabama and will be affecting…
BATTLE CREEK, Michigan – 
When it comes to sports related cereals, General Mills’ Wheaties cereal has always been the #1 contender. They have been putting sports teams and individual sports stars on their boxes for generations. The Kellog company is looking to change the face of the sports-food world though, as this morning they announced a new line of cereal and breakfast bars featuring branded sports teams.
Kellog’s has said they are hoping to finally steal the spotlight away from General Mills and their Wheaties cereal, turning kids on to something “more fun” to eat and “with way more taste.”
“We don’t believe that the cereal you are eating should taste like the box it comes in, and that’s why were are creating this new line of sports-releated cereals and breakfast bars.” Said James Jenness, chairman of the Kellog Company. “We know there are other cereals out there making money off sports stars, Olympians, and certain teams, and they’ve created a monopoly on it. We’re tired of it. We want our cereals to be great tasting, fun to eat, but also to have great sports heroes on every box for the kids to look up to and learn about.”
Jenness says that the boxes of the cereals and bars will all have branded sports teams covering all major sports leagues, including BOSOX-Os (Boston Red Sox, MLB), MAPLE LEAF MUNCHIES (Toronto Maple Leafs, NHL), PACKER POWER BARS (Green Bay Packers, NFL), and WORLD SERIES WONDER PUFFS (New York Yankees, MLB), to name a few. So far, most of the major teams in each sport have signed off on use of logos and player likenesses.
Each box will contain sports stats on the team and history of some their most famous players. Also on each box will be a QR code that can be scanned with any smartphone which will take you to a Kellog’s website with even more information on the team, options for purchasing apparel, tickets to upcoming games, and coupons for use on future purchases of other cereals in the new sports line, dubbed K-Teams.
“We wanted to take breakfast and jazz it up, and we really feel we’ve accomplished something great with K-Teams. I’m really excited for everyone to be able to try these new cereals and bars. They’re really great. Collect them all!” said Jenness.
The entire K-Teams line of cereals and bars are scheduled to be released in the fall of this year.
HOLLYWOOD, California –
Brad Pitt was assaulted at the premiere of his wife Angelia Jolie’s new film Maleficent earlier this week by self-proclaimed celebrity “prankster” Vitalii Sediuk. Sediuk apparently made it past security and hit Pitt in the face while he was signing autographs for fans.
The scuffle was apparently short lived, as private security instantly restrained Sediuk until police arrived, where they arrested and charged him with assault. Pitt initially filed an emergency restraining order on Sediuk, but then rescinded the order when Pitt’s longtime friend, MMA legend Chuck Liddell, offered to “put a pounding” to Sediuk for him.
Although no official announcement has been made, so far what is known is that the fight will take place in Las Vegas, and that assuming all legal channels can be cleared in time, it would be set for the second week in June. Pitt was quoted as saying he thought it was a “wonderful idea,” and offered to pay Sediuk’s $20,000 bail if Sediuk would agree to take the fight with Liddell.
“This entire thing would be legit, all legal. We’re not talking about me, you know, sicking my extremely well-trained, badass friend onto some loser.” Said Pitt. “[And] Sediuk may be a loser, but this will still turn out okay. We plan to turn this all around and create a charity event, a charity fight. I want Sediuk to get his ass kicked by Chuck, and I’m going to take all the money we make from it and give it to starving and orphaned children around the world.”
Pitt and Liddell met several years ago when Liddell was hired as a fight coordinator for the film Kick Ass, which Pitt’s company Plan B Entertainment produced. Reportedly, as soon as Liddell heard about the attack, he called Pitt to pitch him the idea.
“I normally don’t get involved in things like this.” Said Liddell. “But Brad is a friend. Angelina, the kids – they’re good people. This guy is a jerkoff who thinks he is some sort of prankster, some sort of hotshot. I’ve beaten the hell out of a lot of hotshots in my day. Retired or not, I can always add one more.”
Because Sediuk has a history of altercations with other celebrities in Hollywood, other stars including Leonardo DiCaprio and Will Smith are also lending their support to Pitt. Both DiCaprio and Smith have been victims of Sediuk’s antics in the past; DiCaprio had his crotch grabbed last year, and Sediuk grabbed Smith and tried to kiss him at the premiere of Men In Black 3.
As of this writing, Sediuk was still in jail in Los Angeles awaiting a court hearing. His lawyers have brought him all relevant information on the fight, and sources say that Sediuk is willing to participate.
STAMFORD, Connecticut – 
In what many sports professionals are calling the “worst move of the century,” WWE Chairman Vince McMahon announced this morning that he would be re-launching the XFL, or the “X-Treme Football League,” a football promotion that he created and co-owned with NBC Networks back in 2001. The league was meant to be complimentary to the NFL, in that it would be played in the NFL’s off-season and feature more “regular” people as opposed to high-paid athletes.
The league itself lasted exactly one season after it failed to garner any fans. There were major differences to the play that fans of the NFL never got behind, including having all games played outside in natural grass and there being no point-after-touchdown (PAT) kicks. Teams were even allowed to print anything they wanted on the back of their on-field jerseys, with players emblazoning random sayings like “HE HATE ME” on their backs. Religious scripture and bible quotes were also common. These bizarre rules, coupled with the lack of any recognizable players, made the whole promotion flounder right out of the gate.
McMahon has acknowledged that the XFL was a failure, but has promised that his “NewXFL” will not become the laughingstock of sports history for a second time.
“There were a lot of things that we did wrong the first time with the XFL, and this time there are going to be changes.” said McMahon. “There are things we promised football fans that we just didn’t deliver on. We said there were going to be almost ‘no rules’ in the XFL, but really there were plenty, and they were just all taken right out of the CFL and World Football League handbooks. Well, not this time.”
McMahon went on to describe several changes that he feels will be advantageous to the sport, including allowing his players to use steroids if they wish, full-contact hits after play has stopped, and the ability to bring foreign-objects onto the field, such as brass knuckles, steel chairs, or kendo sticks.
“We are going to make this the WWE of the football world, just like it was supposed to be the first time. You want football and you want violence, and that is what the NewXFL is going to give you. It’s going to be the ‘Attitude Era’ of football, if you will. Hell, even the cheerleaders are going to be hotter this time around.”
McMahon has recently been in the news for losing over a quarter of a billion dollars worth of stock in his company, after traders and investors got cold feet over the low subscription numbers in McMahon’s new WWE Network, a streaming service available on many platforms including Roku, Android, and Apple TV set-top boxes.
“This is not the time to talk about recent setbacks, or past failures.” Said McMahon when questioned about the WWE Network. “[But] I don’t think that The Network is a failure at all. I think it’s a fantastic idea that all true wrestling fans love. We’ve got content going back for over 40 years worth of wrestling. The subscriptions will come over time. We knew that’s how it would go.”
McMahon continued with the promise that as the NewXFL takes off, it would be available to current WWE Network subscribers at no additional cost as part of their regular Network programming. For non-subscribers, the games will be shown on SpikeTV, making the move over from NBC/Universal Networks on its initial run.
BURBANK, California – 
The action fighting series Mortal Kombat has grown to become one of the biggest video game series ever since it was released to arcades for the first time 22 years ago, but the newest installment in the series, which was announced yesterday, is probably the craziest idea yet – Mortal Kombat Vs. The Major League is set to debut at the beginning of next year.
The official word came from the headquarters of Warner Bros. Interactive, the publishing company that took over for Midway Games in the production of the Mortal Kombat series back in 2009. In an email sent to video game magazines and online publications, Ed Boon, original co-creator of the Mortal Kombat series, announced that his subdivision, NetherRealm Studios, had secured licensing from Major League Baseball for a roster of around 20 different players from several different teams to be included in the gameplay.
“We are extremely excited to announce that we are in the beginning stages of production for our new game Mortal Kombat Vs. The Major League.” Said Boon. “We at NetherRealm are extremely excited, as this is something we had been working towards with the League for several years, and as the licenses and agreements fell into place, everything started happening immediately. We are tentatively scheduling release for early spring, 2015.”
Mortal Kombat has a long history of being extremely violent, causing controversy upon its initial release with its inclusion of graphic blood, realistic depictions of violence, and the creation of the “fatalities” that fans have come to love over time. When asked via email about whether this game was going to be a more “toned down” version, as some of the later Mortal Kombat games have been, Boon stated that there would be no holding back with this new game.
“We had to tone down some of the elements of violence for some of our later games and partnerships, such as Mortal Kombat Vs. The DC Universe. That was part of our agreement with DC, which wanted to be able to market the game towards children. The MLB has not imparted any restrictions on us in the use of their players or teams, so we’re aiming to make this one of the most brutal Mortal Kombat games to date.”
So far, there has been no official word on which teams or players might make it into the game, but as word got out to players, several have stepped up to offer their likenesses.
“It would be a dream come true to be in a Mortal Kombat video game.” Said Dustin Pedroia, second baseman for the Boston Red Sox. “I grew up on Mortal Kombat, like most boys my age. It would be a honor to face off against Scorpion.”
Warner Bros. Interactive will be watching the sales of this game closely, as Boon pointed out, because the numbers will directly correlate to whether or not they seek out licensing deals with other major sports clubs.
“Oh, definitely – we would love to make this into a series if it does well. NHL, NFL…really, the sky is the limit for what we can do with these characters.” Said Boon. “This is going to be the most fun game of the MK Universe so far. I can’t wait for everyone to play it.”
The game is being announced for the XBox 360 and PS3, as well as next-gen consoles XBox One and PS4.
PORTLAND, Maine – 
A 14 year-old high school freshman is being watched by not only his entire town, but also by scouts from some giant sports-centric colleges, and at least one major league team, after pitching two back-to-back no-hitters over 3 days this week.
Patrick Kingsford, a freshman at Deering High School in Portland, Maine, was a newcomer to their school’s baseball program this year, after trying out and making the team earlier in the spring. A broken arm a week after the season started kept Kingsford out of regular rotation, but this week, after being put into his first games, Kingsford blew away fans of by pitching well over 90mph, including hitting a high-mark of 96mph after already having thrown 58 pitches.
“We thought for sure that Patrick was going to be out for the entire season,” said Gerard Kingsford, Patrick’s father. “We get crazy weather here in the North East, and we got one big ice storm right at the start of spring. Patrick slipped and broke his arm – he was really disappointed because he had just made the baseball team and was really looking forward to playing.”
“I was supposed to be a relief pitcher for the J.V. team,” said Patrick. “I broke my arm, and the doctor said I might miss the whole season. But I healed really fast, and when the doctor took the cast off, he checked everything out and said he couldn’t believe how well I’d healed, and how fast. Less than 2 weeks later, I was pitching again.”
Kingsford went back to his J.V. team during a practice game, and when he started pitching, the coach’s jaws dropped.
“I had never seen anything like it. I never thought I would, either.” said Michel Duncan, Deering High School baseball coach. “Patrick came out and was warming up, and he started pitching, and it was like lightning. He was throwing at speeds I’ve never seen for a high school student. Even when I played in college most players weren’t throwing like he was. It was major league speeds, for sure.”
Kingsford was immediately placed into the rotation for the varsity team, and he went on to pitch 2 no-hitters over the course of a week. News of Kingsford’s abilities started to spread, and soon he was being visited by college scouts from all over the country. He even was visited by professional scouts from his favorite New England team.
“I had Amiel Sawdaye visit me. Amiel is the amateur scout for the Boston Red Sox, my favorite team.” Said Kingsford. “I’m not old enough to play professionally yet, according to MLB rules, but Amiel wanted to come see me. He watched a game, and talked to me after. He said that if I keep playing like I have been, once I graduate he’d probably be back to talk to me again. It was the most exciting thing that’s ever happened to me.”
Kingsford went on to say that although it’s nice that professional teams have taken an interest in him, he wants to play in college first.
“It’s always been my goal to go to college. You can’t rely on baseball forever. Someday my arm might get tired, and I wouldn’t want that to be everything I had. If I can play baseball for a college team and then go pro, that’s what I want to do. I’ve always liked school and that’s important to me, and it’s important to my dad. So that’s probably what I’ll do.”
Kingsford has already spoken to colleges such as Boston University and the University of Connecticut about possible scholarships when he graduates. It’s the first time that Boston U has ever talked to a high school freshman about becoming a player for any of their sports teams.
“I watched him play, and if he keeps it up, there will definitely be a spot on our roster for Patrick in a few years.” Said Mike Gambino, head coach of Boston University Baseball. “It’s the most impressive thing I’ve ever seen from a high school player.”
ANAHEIM, California – 
In an announcement this morning from the Anaheim Ducks’ general manager Bob Murray, the team has decided to part ways with current head coach Bruce Boudreau, and is seeking to replace him with a curious choice – actor Emilio Estevez.
The Anaheim Ducks started as a franchise in 1993, then known as the Anaheim Might Ducks, after being founded by the Walt Disney corporation. Disney, who later sold the team, based their club around their 1993 children’s hockey film The Mighty Ducks. In the film, Estevez plays a drunken lawyer who is (curiously) forced to perform community service as a pee-wee hockey coach after being arrested for DUI. Like most Disney sports movies, the rag-tag group of kids all eventually come together to win The Big Game in the end. Estevez, of course, learns the value of sportsmanship, and the credits roll.
Apparently Estevez acting as a hockey coach makes him the perfect candidate to coach the real Ducks now.
“Over 20 years ago, Emilio Estevez showed the world that he could be an amazing hockey coach when he played Gordon Bombay in The Mighty Ducks series. He turned a bunch of misfit kids into a team, and that team went on to beat their rivals and win the championship. Then he did it again the following year when the movie version of the Ducks took on teams from all over the world.” Said Anaheim owner Henry Samueli. “We want Mr. Estevez to come on board as the coach of our real Ducks now, and take them all the way to a Stanley Cup championship.”
Estevez, who is a lifelong hockey fan, has no real experience coaching a team, professional or otherwise. In response to the offer, Estevez did say he would ‘consider the job.’
“I have never coached in my life.” Said Estevez in a statement released to the Associated Press. “I played a coach a few times. I’ve played a lot of things, from cops to criminals, to coaches, to a buns-taping jock in the Breakfast Club. As far as I recall, this is the first time anyone has ever offered me a job based on a role I once played. I would be a fool not to consider it.”
As part of the change, the Ducks are also going to be altering their name, reverting back to The Mighty Ducks, which they are now saying should never have been changed in the first place.
“We miss the name, we miss the ‘mighty.’ We definitely miss winning games. It’s been a few years now, so we’d like to have that happen again.” Said Ryan Getziaf, current team captain. “If Emilo Estevez wants to give up his long-forgotten Hollywood career to come and coach us, then that’s fantastic. I’ve always wanted to learn the triple-deke.”
Fans of the Anaheim Ducks had no comment, because no member of the press could find anyone admitting to caring about the team.
NEWPORT BEACH, California – 
Bellator MMA, the country’s second-largest mixed martial arts promotion, announced today that they would be putting together a celebrity tournament featuring some major names in Hollywood. They are hoping to use these fights to increase their television ratings, as well as bring more notice to their fighters and promotion as a whole.
Founder Bjorn Rebney started Bellator MMA in 2008 as the Bellator Fighting Championship (Bellator is latin for “warrior”) as a competitor to the uber-popular UFC, or Ultimate Fighting Championship, which has been televising MMA fights since 1993. In the last several years, Bellator has slowly gained almost a cult-following of fans, who closely follow their 8-man tournaments, which are set up as a counter-action to the individual one-off fights presented by the UFC.
Rebney announced the new event from the company’s headquarters in Newport Beach, California.
“It is with great pleasure that I announce the new incarnation of Bellator MMA with our Celebrity Fights Tournament!” Said Rebney during his press conference. “We are very excited to work with our group of stars, to help train them, and get them ring-ready to beat the living hell out of each other.”
The announced celebrities that have already signed on the dotted line for the fights include Academy Award winning actors Matt Damon and Edward Norton, Danny DeVito, cult film director Kevin Smith, pop-star Justin Timberlake, pussy-boy Michael Cera, every woman’s masturbatory fantasy Channing Tatum, and Coolio.
The tournament will take place in mid-August, and will be televised on SpikeTV in the U.S. and CTV in Canada. Bellator’s normal rules will apply, as each celebrity is paired off against another in an 8-man bi-weekly staggered tournament, which will be compromised of three 5-minute rounds each. The winner will be given $100,000 for his favorite charity and, like any Bellator tournament winner, will be able to challenge current champion Vitaly Minakov of Russia. Minakov has been the Bellator heavyweight champion since November of 2013, and is expected to completely destroy any of the celebrities who may challenge him, especially Danny DeVito.
So far, a few of the celebrities have already been seen in gyms bulking up for their fight, including Edward Norton, who is looking to put back on all the American History X muscle and defeat Cera, who has been selected as his opponent for the first round.
“I know that I can beat him right to the ground. Who hasn’t wanted to punch Michael Cera in the face on more than one occasion? Jesus, did you guys see Year One? He deserves to be beaten into oblivion for making bad movies.” said Norton, apparently forgetting he was in the film The Incredible Hulk.
Bellator MMA is said to already be seeking fighters for their next celebrity tournament, and has reportedly reached out to funny man Seth Rogen, Breaking Bad’s Bryan Cranston, and Star Wars creator George Lucas. So far, no one else has signed on officially, but speculation is high that everyone will be on board.
![Baby Mermaid Washes Ashore In Caribbean, Proves Existence of Mythical Creatures [VIDEO]](https://empiresports.co/wp-content/uploads/2015/03/baby-mermaid.jpg)
