All posts by JP

NASCAR Driver Wins Race While Driving in Reverse

Atlanta, Georgia – empire-sports-driver-wins-NASCAR-race-in-reverse

A non-televised race that was held in Atlanta this past week would have definitely brought in viewers like NASCAR had never seen before. With only two laps left in the race, a driver who was holding steady at second place lost control on a turn, his car spinning all over the track. Although that in itself is not newsworthy, what the driver did next brought crowds to their feet.

After the crash left him facing the wrong way on the track, but knowing that turning around would take too much time that he didn’t have to spare, the driver threw the car in reverse and continued to race around the track backwards.

People in the crowds were surprised, and a few even wondered aloud if it was against the rules to drive that way. Most people immediately rose to their feet and began to cheer as they watched this racer take top speed completely in reverse. In less than one lap, the driver took his spot back at second place, never stopping to spin the car around.

“I’ve never seen anything like it in my entire life, and I’ve been a NASCAR and racing fan since before I could walk.” Said Bill Pooler, a spectator at the race. “It’s the best damn driving that I’ve ever seen.”

The driver continued to gain on the car in first, and actually ended up passing him right before crossing the line, checkered flag waiving.

“I was completely confused, and was barely paying attention.” Said Mark Hill, the driver who was leading the race. “I actually almost hit the wall when I saw him coming up on me in reverse. It was surely incredible.”

The name of the driver was not released to the press, as officials are still checking their rulebooks to see whether or not the win would count if the car didn’t cross the line nose-first.

PGA Announces First Mini-Putt Masters

Charlotte, North Carolina – empire-sports-pga-announces-mini-putt-tour-golf-mini-golf

The PGA has set up many tournaments over the years for golfers from all over the world, facing each other at several different golf courses. In some sports nothing really changes over time except for advancements in equipment and techniques, yet you never see the format of a game switched up. 

Golf is often touted as a boring sport, and the Professional Golfers Association is all too aware of that stigma. In other sports, viewers get high-paced plays, exciting touchdowns, or hard-hitting violence. Since golf brings in none of the action, the PGA has decided that they needed to spice up their plays, and bring some “youth” viewers and players back to the game.

“In September, a new chapter will be added to the PGA tournaments; the first ever Mini-Putt Masters is all set to take way in Charlotte, North Carolina!” Said Jim Carroll, president of the PGA.

The decision was made by the board members of the PGA to make the game of golf more exciting, adding trick shots and faster course play, just like a day of mini-golf that every family has experienced at one time or another.  They felt that watching a guy walk 200 yards after each shot, as often happens in televised golf events, would make people switch the channel. This new, faster-paced, more energetic tournament was designed to “keep the viewers watching.”

“We are extremely excited to have out golfers out there, putting their way through this exciting tournament.” Said Carroll. “We’ve got trick holes and water traps, slides and loop-de-loops. It’s going to be the most exciting tournament the PGA has ever sponsored!”

Rumors about the prizes for winning the Mini-Putt Master have already begun to circulate. The first place winner will receive a large stuffed animal, a free ice cream sundae, and get to take home their neon-colored golfball. Second place winner will receive a free round on their next trip to the Mini-Putt Masters. Third place will feature a button that says “I Hit Par In The Mini-Putt Masters!”

Seattle Seahawks’ Richard Sherman Arrested After Berating Police Officer

Seattle, Washington – empire-sports-richard-sherman-arrested-berating-police-officer

Seattle Seahawks’ corner back Richard Sherman is in the spotlight again, but this time it isn’t for a great play, or slamming an opposing team. One of the best defensive players in the NFL today has found himself off the field and behind bars after an argument with a local police officer on Wednesday evening.

Sherman is known for his cockiness on the field, and a vocabulary that can only be described as “trash-talk.” His passion on the field often carries over to the after-game interviews, and he is the type of player Seahawks fans either love, or love to hate.

Despite his reputation for attitude within the NFL, witnesses to Sherman’s altercation with a Seattle police officer were shocked by his behavior.

“It was like he just picked off Peyton in the Super Bowl, and ran it back for a touchdown or something. His cockiness was at an all time high!” Said Curt Johnson, a bystander to the incident.

Sherman’s problems arose when a police officer witnessed him jaywalking, and gave him a warning not to do it again. The officer later admitted that he wasn’t so much worried about the jaywalking law in Seattle, but the fact that it was a busy street and Sherman could have been hurt, as several pedestrians have been hit by cars in the same area over the last few months.

“He asked me if I knew who he was, and I said of course, I’m a huge fan.” Said Patrolman Mike Stephens. “[Sherman] then continued to say, ‘Then you know that I own [expletive] Seattle, and any [expletive] street I want to cross I can, no matter where I decide to [expletive] cross it.'”

Stephens apparently tried to apologize, and explain to Sherman that he was just doing his job, and that Sherman’s celebrity status in the city did not give him the right to curse anyone.

“He told me that I was a terrible police officer, and said I should just go eat some [expletive] donuts.” Said Officer Stephens. “He went off on me about how he was doing better in life than I was, and said that I shouldn’t even watch a Seattle game again, because I didn’t deserve to witness the ‘greatness’ that was him on a football field.”

Sherman was arrested and charged with jaywalking and disorderly conduct towards a police officer in the course of his duty. Representatives for Sherman could not be reached for comment at press time.

Baltimore Orioles Sign Underhand Pitcher With 105 MPH Fastball

empire-sports-orioles-underhand-pitcher-105-mph-Hidaki-leiBALTIMORE, Maryland –

The Baltimore Orioles have picked up an exciting new addition to their bullpen today; A free agent from across the sea has been picked up, and will be placed on the Orioles’ roster. The player is Hidaki Lei, a 24 year old player who can throw some crazy heat behind the mound. Hidaki was being scouted by almost every team in the MLB for the past few months when a tape of him pitching hit YouTube in the United States.

Hidaki was clocked at an astounding 105 MPH fastball, and threw 3 perfect games in one season for his previous team. The Orioles management feel that he will make a great fit for their organization.

To add some icing to this cake, Lei only throws the ball underhanded. It is a very odd pitching style that is not often used, but that has clearly been mastered by Lei. Lei is scheduled to make his pitching debut for the O’s at the end of May.

“I’m excited to be a part of the this team, and I’m glad my skills can be used to help them hopefully win games. I had a lot of different offers come my way these past months, but this team seemed to fit me the most.” said Lei through a language interpreter. “I began to throw like this at an early age, and it just felt right. I have tried to throw the ball over handed, but my speed fell dramatically.”

Lei has signed a 3 year contract with the Orioles, with possibility for an extension based on how he transitions into the season.


UFC Added To The 2016 Rio Olympics

empire-sports-UFC-added-olympics-rio-2016-mma-martial-arts-fightingLAS VEGAS, Nevada-

One of the fastest fan-growing sports is taking the next step in its journey. The UFC took storm with its fast-paced fights and knockouts, and now fans can be happy to hear that it will be the next sport to enter the Olympics.

In a press conference over the weekend, the International Olympic Committee announced that Mixed Martial Arts will be added to the 2016 Olympics in Rio.

At first, people weren’t considering the UFC as an actual sport, but more of a brutal backyard street fight with no composure. With years of competitive fight after fight, and even adding in a female chapter, the UFC has proved that they stand the test to be the next big Olympic sport.

Fighters from all over the globe will be entering for their chance at a gold, silver, or bronze medal for their country. Ratings are expected to be huge in America, because we all know we would rather watch some guy from Turkey get his head slammed in by a guy from Russia than watch people dance around in a swimming pool.

One fighter may have a leg up in this new arena –  Ronda Rousey has fought in the Olympics before, and has even won a medal for the United States. Something is telling us that she will bring home even more medals this next time around.

Also, this news gives a second chance to Olympic athletes seeking an opportunity to compete for their country again. Not only will ex-boxers-turned-UFC fighters get a chance, but rumors of Michael Phelps taking the octagon have been hitting social media.

Phelps tweeted: “I plan on returning to the Olympics, but not as a swimmer, as a fighter! #goforgold #winning #isfigthinghard? #Imkindofscared #Subway #EatFresh

Several fighters have already stated their interest in fighting in the 2016 Rio Olympics for their respective countries, including George St Pierre, Jon Jones, and Kevin “Kimbo Slice” Ferguson.

New NBA ‘Fairness’ Rule Forcing Teams To Have White Player On Court At All Times

empire-sports-nba-rule-white-players-legality-honkeysNEW YORK CITY–

A lot of controversy is surrounding the NBA, and a new rule change won’t make a better case for the organization. With stories of Donald Sterling hitting every news station, and the word racism being tossed around frequently, officials from the NBA held a meeting, and have decided on a new rule for next season.

The rule that is being put to place is being called “Sighting” but basically refers to having a white player on both teams constantly on the court. The heads of the NBA have found it not fair to have all African Americans players at one time, and wanted to create a loop hole which would force at least one white person on a team constantly playing.

“I know it seems crazy, but we have found that this may be the fairest way to going about this,” said an official who wants to remain anonymous. We are unsure if this is because of race matters, or talent, either way we needed to make a change on this scenario. Now, we now that the fans would rather see a 6 foot African American slam an alley oop, but we are going to have to settle with seeing a 6 foot white player barely get in a lay up now and again.”

The new rule will take effect this following NBA season, and will also force some NBA teams to draft a few white players. If the a team does not have at least one White player on their team roster, they will be fined until one is drafted or picked up. Not exactly the fairest way to go about it in that aspect, but rules are rules.

New NFL Rule Makes It A Penalty To Touch Quarterback

empire-sports-no-hitting-qb-nfl-ruleDENVER, Colorado–

The NFL has taken on a wide new series of rules, and regulations to provide the safest game for their players. Even using new technology to create better equipment to provide a safer game has been going on for the past few years. With the new rules we have witnessed flags for hits that use to be okay, and people getting fined for playing the way they were taught how to play.

With the concussion controversy it was clear that at some point the National Football League would take the step in this direction. Starting the 2014 season it will be a 15 yard penalty and possible ejection if a defense player even touches the opposing quarterback.

The rule was put into place to protect franchise QBs from getting hurt and not being able to play. The officials have decided that a hurt QB can end a season for a team, and owners felt that losing a high salary player would be a tremendous waste of team money.

The new rule will be called “Touching the Passer” and even the slightest bit of contact will draw a flag. Classes have already begun in Denver, Colorado for NFL referees to learn what is okay, and not okay when dealing with touching the passer.

“Basically you can’t even touch the QB, your only hope is to chase him out of bounds” said an NFL ref.

“Once the QB is being pursued he has to either throw the ball or take a slid. I’m not positive how many QBs will take advantage of this new rule, and just run for 80 yards, but I feel like it will be a lot”

The rule has been sent to each team in the NFL, and certain teams are already tuning up their play books, a lot of quarterback keeps may be in our future.


Eco-Friendly Law Forces NASCAR Drivers To Race In Electric Cars

empire-sports-nascar-electric-car-law-government-ecoboost-hybridDAYTONA, Florida–

Die hard NASCAR fans are not going to happy with the new eco-friendly law that has just been passed. The new law, House Act E.205, states that any car being used for entertainment will have to be electrical. This meaning NASCAR, monster trucks, etc. The act has been floating around congress for years now but has finally seen the light of day.

Due to the fact that monster trucks have no models that happen to be electric, gas-powered automobiles (for now) are still legally able to run.

Unfortunately, seeing how the NASCAR organization has taking steps into building electric cars in previous years, they are all set and ready to race all eco-friendly cars. This meaning that starting very soon fans will get to experience the high paced racing of cars going at speeds of up to 45 MPH!  Well, not exactly, but the speed will be noticeably slower than current cars.

If you are a person that not only enjoys NASCAR, but other automobiles entertainment, expect the same fate for your beloved sports.

Fan are outraged by the news and have been saying things such as, some comments left on the NASCAR website included;

“This is America! Let them Arabic p***ies race electric cars, they got enough gas!”

“It’s shifting gears, and drinking beers! Not pushing button, and hoping for something”

“As person that has been a NASCAR fan for many fortnight, I find the act to be in violation of our freedom to be informed when a matter like this is present. I feel that congress has gone behind our backs, and we as the people of the United States of America deserve, nay, are born with the privilege to fight for what we believe in without having big brother strip it from us”

“Dem dudes are bitches, and I hope they die in fire! Amen”

“Car’s go vroom!”

As you can see the new has brought out rage within the NASCAR community.

NASCAR is already planning to appeal the new law as they feel it will seriously damage their brand.



Joe Rogan To Fight In The UFC

LAS VEGAS, Nevada – joe rogan

One of the favorites in the UFC community is stepping away from the microphone and heading into the octagon. According to sources within the UFC, Joe Rogan will be taking center stage in an upcoming UFC bout.

According to Rogan, the fight was scheduled due to a challenge by an un-named fighter.

“Basically, this fighter called me a bitch and said I wouldn’t step in to the ring,” said Rogan in an interview on Saturday afternoon. “So I convinced Dana [White] to let me fight and now I’m going to show this guy who the bitch is.”

Since the beginning of the UFC Rogan has been there in support, and even traveling with the organization before the company blew up. He cashed in a few favors with Dana White and now the fight is set to take center stage.

“There is a reason we have Joe on our team here in UFC, he isn’t just a personality, he is a great fighter with knowledge about the sport,” said White.

“I feel bad for the dude that called him out, because I promise Joe will knock the living shit out of him. He’s going to wish he challenged Joe in his other show Fear Factor rather than going into the octagon with him. I know I myself would rather eat a bull testicle then take a kick to the face from Rogan.”

Dana White has yet to make an official comment for the fight but it is expected that he will within the next week.  A date for the event should be set sometime after.


Mark Cuban Loses The Dallas Mavericks From A Bet

empire-sports-mark-cuban-loses-dallas-mavericks-bet-gamble-ownerDallas, Texas-

One of the most infamous owners in the NBA has to be Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban. Cuban is known for being a billionaire, and star of the ABC television show “Shark Tank.” Cuban made his fortune by taking risks throughout his life, and it paid off substantially for him up until now.

Cuban had placed a bet with a fellow business partner, and has lost the Dallas Mavericks because of it. The name of the person who has won the bet has not yet been released, but soon enough his or her face will have to surface. The bet was said to be made over a product Mark had invested in on the television show Shark Tank.

If the product made X amount of money in the first year of running the business, Cuban’s partner would pay  triple the profits. If it didn’t make the money, Cuban would lose his NBA team. Fate did not shine down on Cuban, because now he is legally forced to give up the team.

“All I can say is that the person who won the bet has some legal background, because there is nothing I can do to get the Mavericks back.” said Cuban. “It is truly embarrassing in a sense. I loved my team, and didn’t realize that they meant more to me than some stupid bet. Granted, this does suck, it is my mistake and I am a man of my word. For now the person will take the team, but I am working on getting them back, but the contracts and paperwork is making it a lot harder than I thought it would be.”

The players have not commented on the news of Cuban losing the team, but perhaps they will see it as a fresh beginning.