Adrian Peterson Undergoes Surgery To Get The First Bionic Arm

MINNEAPOLIS, MINNESOTA –

Peterson flashes an evil grin at reporters -- will this spell the doom for defenders of the NFC North? Or humanity as a whole?

Peterson flashes an evil grin at reporters — will this spell the doom for defenders of the NFC North? Or humanity as a whole?

┬áThere have been many sports players who have made changes to themselves in order to perform at a top level, but those were all little changes compared to this one: Adrian Peterson, arguably the best running-back in the NFL, has undergone surgery to get the first bionic arm in human history. A reporter asked Roger Goodell what he thought about this. “Considering how polite Mr. Peterson was, and of course, the fact that a healthy and competitive Mr. Peterson brings in the big bucks.. I will allow.” Goodell responded. Apparently, your pleases and thank-you’s can get you a lot these days in the NFL.

This new bionic arm, which was attached by famed surgeon, James Andrews, is supposed to give Adrian Peterson maximum stiff arm ability. It will also help to prevent fumbles for Peterson. We also interviewed Peterson on this subject.

“How do you think you will do this year with the bionic arm?” a reporter asked.

“I believe I will break a lot of records, easily be the best running-back in the NFL by a mile, and lead the Minnesota Vikings to a Super Bowl championship,” Peterson responded.

“What if you get hurt?” reporters asked. “Hurt? Ha! This bionic arm will keep people from touching me. No one will be able to tackle me, much less hurt me, MWAHAHAHAHA.” Peterson manically laughed and proceeded to drive his newly purchased hover-car home.

Adrian Peterson is a great running-back, and this will without a doubt make him better. The Vikings will probably stick to running with the “bionic arm.” ┬áSo, how will Adrian Peterson do this year with the Vikings with his new bionic arm? Will he rise up and dominate the NFL even more than he does currently? Will he help the Vikings take control of the NFC North? Will he do the greatest thing in football and lead the Minnesota Vikings to a Super Bowl win? Will he become an evil-villain set on destroying the Earth? Or a superhero and a force for global good? This becomes just another of the top NFL story lines heading into the next season.

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