Yeah. Fuck.
Home Depot Founder Vies to Become Official Sponsor of Mexico-America Wall, Endorses Trump
Is there some rule out there we don’t know about that states that founders of major DIY retail chains have to get involved in politics eventually? We saw that the people behind Hobby Lobby were all too eager to jump out of their lane (craft supplies) when the moment arose, and now and it is becoming clear that they learned by watching the founder of Home Depot, who just can’t stay out of the political arena (made in part, presumably, withPremium Birrill Fir Studs).
Bernie Marcus wrote a piece for Real Clear Politics to announce that he is supporting Donald Trump. Granted, he is a home improvement store founder, so no one really asked him, but he did it, we have it, and we are moving forward with the new information now. If someone were to ask me, I’d say he’s just doing the same thing people speculated Ben Carson and Chris Christie might have been doingwhen they came out in favor of Trump. In the same way there were rumors that Carson and Christie were simply gunning for a chance at being vice president or getting into Trump’s cabinet, I think Marcus just wants to make sure that if Trump gets the presidency, Home Depot becomes the Official Sponsor of the Mexico-America Wall.
Anyway, asking yourself what Marcus’ reasoning is? Here are a few snippets.
A plug for the American Dream/Home Depot came first:
But I draw even more from lessons learned when we founded The Home Depot in 1978 rather than from the contentious GOP primary of 2016. I genuinely believe that if we to started The Home Depot today, we would fail because of the hurdles government, especially the current administration, places in front of small business owners. I never forget The Home Depot’s small business roots – we started as a small business with four stores in Atlanta, Georgia.
Next came a just-because sort of attack on media and academia:
Politicians like Obama and Clinton, aided by the media and academia, have peddled a dangerous sentiment that government can provide for Americans better than the private sector.
That shade on media and academia came amidst glorification of the job creation inherent in the founding of small businesses. Note that Marcus took time to praise his employees who have been able to get wealthy without college degrees, but in one quick statement, took a swipe at everyone who works at a university, lab, library, newspaper, television station, etc. So, are jobs really the main focus here at all?
He concluded by targeting the #NeverTrump Republicans:
As a GOP donor who stood steadfastly behind Jeb Bush– and who has contributed to candidates for a generation – I urge all Republicans to stand up and be counted in support for Donald Trump.
In time, we will surely learn the political inclinations of every founder, mogul, and, in Marcus’ words, “young [man willing] to shag carts from a parking lot because he has faith that he and his family can be great.” Marcus is just one of the first of many this election season.
In conclusion, make repainting your living room for the ninth time because you’re so bored and lonely that it physically hurts and maybe a sea-foam green accent wall will fill the void your ex-girlfriend left great again or something.
VIA enVolve
![Baby Mermaid Washes Ashore In Caribbean, Proves Existence of Mythical Creatures [VIDEO]](https://empiresports.co/wp-content/uploads/2015/03/baby-mermaid.jpg)
Baby Mermaid Washes Ashore In Caribbean, Proves Existence of Mythical Creatures [VIDEO]
PACIFIC OCEAN, CARIBBEAN – ![Baby Mermaid Washes Ashore In Caribbean, Proves Existence of Mythical Creatures [VIDEO]](https://empiresportswp-zhh2aue9ot.live-website.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/03/baby-mermaid.jpg)
The National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration (NOAA) has confirmed that a baby mermaid that washed ashore just off of South America is, in fact, a real mermaid.
The creature, the first specimen of its kind to be studied by the agency, washed up on a beach, and was unfortunately already deceased. NOAA officials have said, though, that they had been…
Woman At Walmart Arrested For Shoplifting; Police find $100 Worth Of Groceries In Her Vagina
PITTSTON, Pennsylvania –
A woman is facing charges and fines after being arrested Thursday evening at a Walmart store in Pittston, Pennsylvania. Police arrested and charged Holly Fray with grand theft after store employees said that they had seen her walking through the store, sticking food up her…
Hurricane Escobar, Winter Storm Uteri Will Collide Causing Catastrophic Storm Next Week
WASHINGTON, D.C. –
Professor and Chief Scientific Meteorologist, Christian Cumulus, of Louisiana State University, as well as scientists at the National Weather Service of Central Florida, have confirmed the “utmost likelihood” of a potentially fierce storm in the Western Hemisphere, very likely the worst in over 500 years.
Cumulus says that the storm will come to fruition when expected Level-4 Hurricane Escobar and its frigid air counterpart, Winter Storm Uteri, are aligned for a massive collision headed straight for Gulf Shores, Alabama and will be affecting…
#TheDress: Neuroscientists Say People Who See White, Gold Have Mental Deficiencies
WASHINGTON, D.C. –
In a follow-up study after last week’s #TheDress controversy, neuroscientists have confirmed that people who saw white and gold, as opposed to the dress’s true colors of black and blue, have important mental deficiencies. The reason that these individuals – about 26% of those surveyed – see the wrong colors, is that…
Shocking DNA Results Revealed: Body Of Elderly Homeless Man Identified As Elvis Presley
SAN DIEGO, California –
Earlier this month, an 80-year-old, homeless, white-bearded man was found deceased under an overpass in San Diego, California. Nobody knew the man’s name, but friends referred to him as Jessie, so investigators decided to try DNA testing with hopes that something would pop up in the nationwide DNA database. What popped up on the computer screen in the high-tech lab stunned everyone. The DNA results of ‘Jessie Doe’ were an exact match to…
Barack Obama In Blue Suit May Actually Be White President in Gold Suit
WASHINGTON, D.C. –
A fearsome debate has broken out on social media across the globe over whether Barack Obama is a black president dressed in blue, or a white president dressed in gold. Obama has long been considered the first black president of America, but is he really?
The controversy was sparked by a photo of the president at a gala event in California last weekend. Although more than fifty percent of viewers saw the African American leader in a blue suit, a significant minority insist that he is a…
Taco Bell To Begin Serving Alcohol From Midnight To 2:00 AM At Participating Locations
IRVINE, California –
CEO of Taco Bell, Brian Niccol announced earlier today that the franchise will begin offering cold, alcoholic beverages to customers 21 years of age and older between the hours of 12:00 midnight – 2:00 AM in drive-thrus at participating locations.
The announcement marks an unprecedented marketing strategy in the world of fast food giants. “We at Taco Bell know that a good majority of Taco Bell craving customers between the hours of midnight and 2:00 AM are indeed bar-hopping twenty-and thirty-something year-old alcohol consuming citizens who want a quick bite during drinking sessions,” Niccol said. “Available May 1, 2015, Taco Bell will begin offering Budweiser and Bud Light beer, as well as frozen margaritas. We are very excited about this long over-due venture.”
Many college going co-eds and hipsters are…
Tapout Shirt Deemed Too Casual For Fridays, Too ‘Douchey’ For Rest of the Week
Minneapolis, MN- 
One of the most recognizable and influential brands in mixed martial arts history, TapOut, was dealt a decisive blow last week when Ron Mitchell, a local Minnesota man and MBA, was told by his employer to go home and change out of his shiny TapOut shirt as it was deemed inappropriate for Casual Friday.
Despite a lengthy and profanity-filled conversation with the company HR manager in which Mitchell, an avid MMA fan and middle manager, pointed out that other employees wore sports jerseys out of season and ironic logo t-shirts that were not actually ironic, the decision by the company Board of Directors was final. Mitchell finally left the building after admitting that he had never actually made anyone “tap out”.
The disgruntled Mitchell immediately took to Facebook and posted an internet poll, evidently to get support from his friends about how ridiculous the decision was.
The results were startling.
The employee asked: “Is it inappropriate to wear a TapOut shirt to work?” To which he provide a yes/no option.
Despite only having 26 Facebook friends, the poll went viral and received an amazing 16 million responses. Of those 16 million votes, one million responders stated Yes, the shirt is inappropriate and 15 million responded with an added option “TapOut shirts are never appropriate, douche”.
There wasn’t a single vote stating that TapOut was okay to wear in the office or anywhere else on Earth. A few scattered votes were given for “yes, but only if you fall into a wormhole and are transported back to 2008.”
The once giant clothing brand has been in a steep decline since the passing of founder Charles “Mask” Lewis. A man who was not only a face of the company, but clearly a devotee of mixed martial arts and giving fighters a chance when no one else would. His passion for the sport and fighters transcended profits and product placements.
Since then, TapOut MPS shirts have appeared in JCPenny stores, a metaphoric “scarlet-A” for any brand as they became far more accessible to people unable to use computers or without permanent addresses.
In the week following the poll, every single Fortune 500 company has banned the appearance of TapOut shirts from their properties, even on Fridays and even from guys who “totally train, bra.”
Most employees are now also subject to impromptu checks to make sure TapOut is not being used as an undershirt. The main fear being the increasing number of men who dream of getting in a confrontation only to tear off their button-up shirts, flex, and start bouncing around yelling “What? What?!”
Surprisingly enough, there had been absolutely no outcry from the MMA community who unanimously agrees that they were pretty tired of getting dragged into the conversation every time some guy who tans too much and shaves his forearms gets thrown out of a club.
When reached for comment, TapOut brand owner Jarod Punkass released a statement to the press.
“Sounds about right.” Said Punkass. “Even I don’t wear the TapOut crap.”
When reached for comment, Mitchell admitted that he had considered legal actions before accidentally seeing his own reflection in a store window and admitting, “Yeah, I looked pretty douchey.”